4 criteria in preparation for marriage!

President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan made remarkable evaluations on marriage in the program "Door to Mind with Prof. Nevzat Tarhan" broadcast on Dost TV and Dost FM. Emphasizing that the person who will get married should feel ready in four main issues, Tarhan stated that "This feeling of readiness is feeling ready economically, psychologically, socially and as a philosophy of life. If a person feels ready for marriage on these four main issues, one can now make decisions about marriage."

If you get married by thinking 'if it does not work, I can leave’, do not get married!

Mentioning that there are two big savings in human life before marriage, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that “For both parties, one is the choice of profession, and the other is the choice of spouse. That is why we say keep your eyes open before you get married and half open after you get married. The more they research before marriage, the more they will look for faults after marriage. After marriage, one should be blind in one eye and deaf in one ear. They will take good care of it beforehand. What meaning we attach to marriage is also very important here. Marriage is not an event. Marriage is like going on a journey across the ocean. It is like a surgeon going into surgery... On a plane or a ship, you cannot say, 'I am bored. So, I am quitting.' The surgeon cannot say, "I am bored. I am quitting" during the operation. This is a high-responsibility business. Divorce in marriage is not an option, but an outcome. After trying all the options, it will be only if it is the only one left... However, the philosophy of life of the person who considers divorce as an option is not suitable for marriage."

“There is a global anti-marriage epidemic."

Stating that the person who is going to get married should feel ready in four main issues, Tarhan expressed that "This feeling of readiness is feeling ready economically, psychologically, socially and as a philosophy of life. If a person feels ready for marriage on these four main issues, one can now make decisions about marriage. However, right now, there is a global anti-marriage epidemic. This is intentional. It is a game supported by global capital to reduce the world's population. It is a family planning project because they say, 'If the world's population increases, we cannot control, dominate, and manage this world.' Unfortunately, this project has been adopted in many developed countries at the moment. Right now, marriage rates have gone down, and in particular, what we call household vulnerability, five-person households have decreased while one-person households have increased. Healthy children do not grow up in such households. The child grows up without learning sociality. There is a global epidemic in this regard. We went from the extended family to the nuclear family. Now the fragile family has emerged. We have reached the point where there is no need for a nuclear family. This means the end of the human race."

"If you try, help is coming"

Drawing attention to the incident related to marriage, Prof. Tarhan stated that "God Almighty says, 'If you have good intentions and good efforts, I am the complement.' This is the word of God. Good intentions and good effort mean that you intend to marry here to avoid your haram. You intend to raise good people, children, to prepare a sheltered environment for yourself. If you keep the intention right, if you strive for the beautiful and the right, fate completes. Man will strive for what one intends. After trying, help is coming..."

Why are young people afraid of marriage?

Stating that young people are afraid of marriage, Tarhan expressed that "Forced marriage is a major threat and inconvenient. Because one’s life will change. In most people who are forced into marriage, the entire burden falls on the parents. It is very inconvenient to decide on a marriage without 70-80 percent conviction about them without their consent. It is important why one did not marry. Young people are afraid of marriage at this time. Because there are bad examples. They wait until they are 30-35 years old, after which they get married and have a child. It was the global fashion. Now in the West, they do not get married even when they are 35 years old. They live together. They have one child. They are together whenever they want. They are not together when they do not want. The West now is at this stage. At the moment, sociological trends are taking Türkiye in that direction. The values that hold the family together are rapidly falling apart. They do not even call them spouses anymore, and they call them partners now."

When deciding on marriage, the 'Marriage Maturity Scale' should be done...

Emphasizing that the 'Marriage Maturity Scale' should be solved when deciding on marriage, Tarhan said; "Once you are introduced to a person, let him read it for himself. If 70-80 percent of the questions there are answered in the affirmative, they will no longer look back. It means positive. For example, the questions include the meanings that the person attaches to marriage. Then they embark on a difficult and long journey. Do they know that marriage is a journey? Are they aware? Is the person always focused on physical appearance? Is there a biological problem with him or the other party? How is the economic level of the person? How is the environment in which one was raised, what are their cultural values? How is their philosophy of life? Do they look at this world with the same or different eyes? Moreover, a general scan is being carried out there.”

Do not let this type of man get married!

Stating that spouses should see each other as life partners, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "They are afraid to get married and give up at the last minute. They have various fears. The most important thing that a person should pay attention to when making a decision about marriage in our culture is that the reason why people feel obliged to marry is mostly for material and spiritual reasons, in order not to enter into the haram. They ask Mark Twain, 'Why do not you get married?' He says, 'You do not feed a cow for a bottle of milk.' This is male feminism. In other words, it is to see women only as sexual objects. This is devaluing women. In other words, you do not see the woman as a life partner and a companion. A man who thinks like this has no marital maturity. And he should not get married. Because you will face difficulties and obstacles in marriage. You will walk together on the path of life. Otherwise, there is self-centeredness behind it. There are narcissistic personality traits. In other words, he wants a slave-master relationship from his wife. Very dangerous. Such a person cannot be married..."

"The most important thing is sharing mutual feelings"

Talking about the values that hold the family together in marriage, Tarhan concluded his remarks as follows: "The most important of those values is that the heart is against the heart. In other words, it is even referred to as the verse of the Mawadda in the Quran. It comes from the name of Allah, Wadud. It is a very strong feeling. If there is love, a close and warm relationship, the marriage works. Because 'Love + Cooperation = Lifelong Love' If there is love, if they cooperate well, culture and physical appearance comes secondary. Wealth and poverty are secondary. It is all about sharing mutual feelings, but that is not enough. They also need to achieve good cooperation. That is why positive communication is required. One will take a step, the other will take a step, they will find the golden middle ground and they will be able to make decisions together."

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)