The core of narcissism inside of us gets smaller with unconditional act of kindness

Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan remarked that egoism is a behavioral pattern whereas narcissism is a personality type. Tarhan said that every person has a narcissistic core and he reminded the remarks on narcissism and bad object by psychoanalyst Prof. Otto Kernberg. Tarhan said “This narcissistic core is a bad object. It says “always me”. It is a selfish inner object. It is known as narcissism or arrogance colloquially. Arrogance is the main characteristic of narcissism.”. Tarhan said that a person must do a favor unconditionally to overcome the narcissism inside of us. 

Üsküdar University President, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan made some evaluation on narcissism and ego. Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that ego is a part of our personality and said “Our personality has 3 main part. These are ego, superego and id. Each of them has different qualities. Superego is a supervisor, organizer. Ego has an adaptive function, and it provides adaptation. Id is selfish, and it demands whatever it wants.”.

Ego is like a wheelhouse

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that ego is like a wheelhouse in the personality structure in a healthy person and said “Ego is the last decision-maker and it holds the wheel. Id, which is known as ‘nafs’ only in our culture, is in a position of demanding and desiring excessively. Those personality types are the ones who could not draw a line between ego and id.”

Is zero ego possible?

Remarking that a zero ego is not possible, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said “if a zero ego is attained, a person gets vegetablized or becomes like other creatures. Ego has function of adaptation, that is, a controlling system for us. The most important function in the frontal part of our brain is the ego function. This is not seen in other creatures. Ego means ‘self’ In our culture, it is known as self, selfness, self-centeredness. In old Turkish, it is known as ‘ene, enaniyet (selfness)’.  Selfness is called enaniyet and ‘bene’ is ego.”.

In Superego, there is conscience

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan remarked that superego can be defined as a conscience acquired from environment during a person’s life and it can be defined as a part of a person that comes by birth, and Tarhan said “There is a part of our ego in superego. Superego works as a mechanism auditor, organizer in the environment and family that a person grew in. If a person stays always under the influence of their ego, they desire to always stay in the center of the work.  A person who can obtain anything they way, becomes a narcist.”.

There is a secondary narcissism in schizophrenia

Stating that there is a secondary narcissism in schizophrenia Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said “Schizophrenic individuals only say ‘me’. For instance, they do not pay attention when there is a malicious act performed around them. Somebody was talking about some topic and they think that ‘they are talking about me.’. They perceive themselves as special and superior. Just like a kid, they separate people me and others.  Due to the illness, people turn into a child-like primer narcissism in schizophrenia.”. Prof. Nevzat Tarhan also remarked that “Egoism is a behavioral pattern. Narcissism is a personality type. Every narcist is an egoist however not every egoist is narcist. Everyone can be an egoist time to time, however, other characteristics must be in that person to be called a narcist. This is a primer narcissism.”.

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that narcissism becomes pathological in those who believe that they are Mahdi and Tarhan continued “If a person sees themselves as a prophet, a god or a Mahdi, this becomes a clinical case. Sometimes, those people can be very intelligent, as well. They can gather followers around them. They are very impressive, and they have captivating characteristics. They can influence people.”.

Narcissistic people cannot empathize

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that narcissistic people cannot emphasize and Tarhan continued “those people are fueled with praise since they cannot empathize. Those people are always surrounded by those who praise them after a while. Sometimes, it can be observed that those people are patient because they suffer and bear challenges to achieve their goals. They would prefer to die rather than fail. They act like this because they are motivated by a mentality that is ‘either I will be successful or I will die.’.”

Arrogance is its main characteristics

Remarking that everybody has an inner narcissistic core Prof. Nevzat Tarhan reminded that Prof. Otto Kernberg call narcissism a bad object and Tarhan added “this narcissistic piece is a bad object. It says ‘me’ all the time. It is a selfish part inside of us. Narcissism is often known as arrogance colloquially. However, selfish people cannot be known as arrogant.  They can be seen very humble; however, narcissistic people are known as very arrogant. Even, there is a saying in our culture that ‘if you put all the evil in one room, the arrogance opens the door.’ That’s why the arrogance is the main characteristic of narcists. It is also an evil characteristic.”.

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that narcissism play a big role in pressing the feeling of inadequacy that a person has and Tarhan said “If a person needs to play a role of superiority, it means that person has a feeling of imperfection, inadequacy, worthless or inferiority. When they fight with their feelings, they protect themselves by seeing themselves superior.”.

A child who cannot learn empathy from their parents, starts to love themselves

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that when narcissistic people’s childhood is examined, it is seen that calming effect of their mother is weak and Tarhan said “This is seen a lot in children whose mother’s calming effect is weak because a child mirrors their mother and father.  If a child cannot see empathy from their mother and father, the child starts to love themselves and turns in on themselves. They can only survive by seeing themselves superior to protect themselves. If the personality of the mother, the father and the siblings have social borders, the child learn the borders between their superiority and other’s superiority and they do not violate the borders. That’s why, learning the limits of ego is to tame the narcissism.”.

How can we fix our inner narcissism?

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said “we have all tendency of narcissism and it continues until the end of life. If a person says ‘I am completed, I am one of the good ones and I am not narcissistic anymore.’, it means they are blind. They cannot see themselves just like they cannot see hand in front of their face. If a person wants to fix their narcissism, we have a practical recommendation.  We tell them to a silent kindness. Not by showing it off, we recommend them to do a silent kindness not letting anybody see or hear it. If a person accepts that, they can achieve it because praise fuels narcists. If a person follows the philosophy of that ‘do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing’, that person can take important steps in taming their narcissism.”

You must say no to a master/slave relationship

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan remarked that narcists wants a master/slave relation in their marriage and said “For instance, if there is a narcist partner in the marriage, they can humiliate their partner. Especially, they bear it because they love their children and they are afraid to lose them.  A person who lives together with a narcist, must not let themselves to be humiliated. Especially, women are expected to tolerate and make a sacrifice. Women is always a giver, however, they become depressed and see a physician. They should not let this happen.  A person who has a narcist partner must express their thoughts to their partner that ‘I love you, I value you but I am not your slave. I have a privacy, a personality. I do not want to treat me like that.”.  A person must acquire the ability of saying no.”.

Narcissism is fueled with an emotion-based society

Stating this can be one of reasons for a divorce after 50 years Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said “ A personality borders must be drawn in similar situations in the beginning of the marriage. The threshold of sacrifice is higher in women. Making a sacrifice is innate. They have it in their biological nature. Due to the motherhood feeling, they can be self-sacrificing but they should arrange the dose of it as a partner. You should not fuel the feeling superior aspect of the narcissism. When you criticize those people, it must be right criticism.  Narcissism is fueled with emotion-based societies. Sacralizing individuals is the biggest mistake of our east culture.  Since the western culture is based on thought, many philosophers emerged from the West. However, now The East and the West need each other. The West also needs a heart”.

Narcissism is a pathology that cause a war

Stating that Narcissism is a pathology that cause a war, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said “When we see some historical figures, Napoleon is a narcist, Alexander is a narcist. Napoleon’s famous hand that he holds it on his chest is an indicator of narcissism. A narcist says that either I will be successful or I will die. They see success or failure as a reason of living. They say ‘If I fail, I would prefer to cease to be. Narcist people are afraid of failure.”.

Hitler is a destructive narcist

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that if a narcist as a leader becomes successful it is called rehabilitative or constructive narcistic leader. If a narcist leader becomes unsuccessful, it is called destructive narcistic leader. Tarhan said Hitler is one of the destructive narcistic types. Remarking Hitler’s childhood was analyzed, Tarhan said that “Hitler had a very god childhood. His mother is very protective. She raised her child as somebody specials and important. His father is a bit indistinct, liberal. He raised constantly on a mentality of success. Since he is raised as a Project child basing on success, he has a narcistic personality. Those people who have this type of personality, are afraid of failure. The biggest need that have is to be called smart and talented.”.

Narcistic figures were taken as an example in the world

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan remarked that Napoleon was a narcistic person who cannot utilize a criticism and the West takes Napoleon as an example and said taking Napoleon as an example had a great role in the World War I and World War II. Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that Napoleon was taking Machiavelli as an example and added “Machiavelli lived in 1500s, Napoleon lived in 1800s and Hitler lived in 1900s. Those figures were taken as an example.”.

Political narcissism was noticed during the Second World War 

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that the Second World War caused noticing narcissism and political narcissism in the world and United Nations was founded after that. Tarhan also said “Democracy was discovered with UN because opposition is needed. Opposition is the biggest remedy of the narcissism.  A cultural opposition is needed against cultural narcissism. Narcists make themselves sacred where there are no opposition and questioning. When there are those praising narcists, narcists starts to make mistakes.”.

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)