Great Interest in Tarhan from the People of Kayseri…

Psychiatrist and President of Üsküdar University Prof. Nevzat Tarhan participated in the "Family and Values" talk organized in collaboration with Kayseri Metropolitan Municipality and the Family Platform. Emphasizing that values and family are the most needed topics for humanity today, Tarhan compared value judgments to traffic signs. Tarhan also reminded that the main purpose of a household can be understood by observing what is most frequently discussed there and stressed that wrong purposes are undermining families today.

The talk was held at the Kayseri Kadir Has Culture and Arts Center.

More than 1,500 people attended the event, including Kayseri Governor Gökmen Çiçek and his wife Sümeyra Çiçek, Kayseri Metropolitan Mayor Dr. Memduh Büyükkılıç, Talas Mayor Mustafa Yalçın, Kayseri University Rector Prof. Kurtuluş Karamustafa, and many citizens.

Moderated by journalist Şaban Özdemir, the "Family and Values" talk featured Prof. Nevzat Tarhan, Psychiatrist and President of Üsküdar University, who provided insightful information on topics such as the importance of family, child-rearing, values in the family, and social media usage.

“The most needed topic for society and humanity”

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan, Psychiatrist and President of Üsküdar University, began his remarks by stating:  “Values and family are the most needed topics for society and humanity. This issue is not just a need in Türkiye but a globally essential matter…”

True happiness is long-term happiness…

Tarhan emphasized the importance of working for both this world and the hereafter to avoid forgetting our purpose of existence and continues his remarks as follows: “Everyone wants happiness in 2025. Real happiness, which intelligent individuals focus on, is long-term happiness. Someone who does not work for happiness after death is not using their intellect correctly. This is an unrealistic happiness. Materialism is one of the greatest diseases of this era. Living as if life is confined to this world alone destroys the meaning of life and causes people to make mistakes. In such cases, our sense of accountability comes into play. We can self-evaluate. If we value our time not just for the happiness of this world but for the happiness of both worlds, we fulfill our purpose of existence. It is then that people find true happiness.”

“The capitalist system forces pleasure-based happiness on us”

Tarhan highlighted the differences between meaningful happiness and pleasure-based happiness and stated that “There are two types of happiness. One is dopamine-induced happiness; the other is serotonin-induced happiness. Cocaine also produces dopamine happiness. The brain secretes dopamine, providing pleasure. Eating, drinking, wealth, and money all produce dopamine-driven happiness. However, once it is over, you want it again, and if you cannot sustain it, you fall apart and become depressed. Serotonin happiness, on the other hand, is meaningful happiness. It is experienced by those who can plan for the long term and consider life after death. This is not a new discovery. Aristotle mentioned this 2,500 years ago, saying,  ‘There are two types of happiness, hedonic happiness, and pleasure-based happiness.’ Today, the capitalist system forces pleasure-based happiness on us. It says that if you chase pleasure, you’ll be happy. With meaningful happiness, when you feel like part of something bigger, that becomes serotonin happiness. When the brain secretes serotonin, that’s sustainable happiness. People can avoid depression, even if they are in prison. For this happiness, meaningful happiness is necessary. From this perspective, one can resist negative emotions and feelings and develop the ability to transcend oneself. On the other hand, someone who works solely for themselves is evil. When a person works for their family, society, and humanity without neglecting themselves, they achieve true meaningful happiness, which is lasting happiness.”

“Value judgments are like traffic signs”

Highlighting the importance of values in the family, Tarhan expressed that “When we think about how to achieve meaningful happiness in the family, we see emotions, thoughts, and behaviors as a ‘3D’ concept. However, beyond these, there is a fourth aspect in psychology: values. These value judgments, learned from childhood, are like traffic signs. Traffic signs do not exist for themselves, and they exist for the destinations of vehicles. Similarly, values do not exist for themselves, but  they are life’s traffic signs. Family values are important for this reason. When you know family values, you know what kind of journey you will have in life. To apply this in the family, we need to define and understand family and values correctly.”

A new rule for the Rule of 5…

Reminding the audience of the Rule of 5 for a happy family, Tarhan stated that “One of the rules is love, that is love that includes empathy and unconditional affection, also known as compassion. It is greater than ordinary love. The second is respect. People also respect what they fear, but ideal respect is not based on fear. It should include kindness. Kindness means not wanting to harm something you value. If love is water, respect is its container. The third one is patience, which is something humanity often forgets. Patience is a meditative act; however, it means aligning with the speed and rhythm of nature, that is, active patience. When someone faces a challenge, they can say no to their impulses and desires at that moment and delay them for a goal. The fourth one is loyalty. Loyalty is the most important aspect of marriage. In Arabic, the word ‘sadakat’ has two meanings: being loyal and being truthful. If there is no truth in loyalty, you will remain loyal to falsehoods, and your life will fall apart. The fifth one is sincerity. Neuroscience now explains sincerity. During sincerity, the mirror neurons in our brains activate, enabling our brain to communicate with someone else’s brain. Emotional areas of the brain are engaged. I am considering adding a sixth rule to this principle: ‘sohbet’ (conversation). However, do not confuse this with online chatting. That is imitation conversation, virtual. The conversation I am talking about is one filled with sincerity. It is like medicine for the soul. In our culture, meaningful conversation is very important. These conversations should be high-quality to create meaningful bonds.”

"We were not such a society..."

Addressing the global social decay, Tarhan remarked that “The Turkish Language Association researches the words of the year. At the top of the list is the term ‘crowded loneliness.’ We were not such a society. We were a society bound to each other. Currently, there is social shaking, wounding, collapse, and decay. This is happening globally. Previously, culture was transmitted by the family. Families used to fulfill the roles that national education should have been performing. Our schools were not transmitting values or culture; however, they were transmitting Western culture.There is a Chinese proverb that goes, ‘If you want a one-year investment, plant wheat; if you want a ten-year investment, plant a tree; if you want a fifty-year investment, nurture a human being.’ Investing in stones and soil is easy. Investing in humans is very difficult. It requires effort and labor. As Sezai Karakoç said, thinking is an expensive endeavor. It demands time, effort, and exhaustion, but it is the most valuable treasure. You need to exert effort and tire yourself. Without sweating or tiring, you cannot achieve something beautiful.”

“Not monologue, but dialogue is needed”

Touching upon how role-sharing should be in the family, Tarhan expressed that “There should be no role confusion at home. You will not act in the businessman role at home. At home, you will be in the father role, in the spouse role. The mother, likewise, will be in the mother role, the businessperson role, and the spouse role. If the father says, ‘Being in the businessman role is enough for me,’ that is not right.There is also the spouse role. The spouse role requires conversation, a warm relationship, and listening to the other person. Not monologue, but dialogue is needed. It should be two-way. You know, ideal roads are not one-way; however, they are two-way. There will be coming and going. That means there will be conversation and listening. In such cases, we recommend active listening. If someone is only talking about their own problems, that is not called a conversation. That is called giving instructions.”

Four mottos to use in family communication!

Emphasizing the importance of democracy within the family, Tarhan stated that “There are four mottos to use in family communication. These are also the features of democratic culture. Democracy is not only a form of government but also a system of values. This culture has four main characteristics. The first is being open to criticism. To be open to criticism means your child can criticize you, your spouse can criticize you. If you say, ‘What I say goes,’ then you belong to the Middle Ages. This is not the method of this era. The method of this era is persuasion, convincing, and making people love. Therefore, the first is to be open to criticism. The second is libertarianism, meaning a balance between freedom and responsibility. We are all free. A person’s greatest inherent need is the need for freedom. The biggest punishment you can give someone is depriving them of their freedom. Where there is no freedom, there is despotism. The third is pluralism. The opposite of pluralism is totalitarianism. For example, saying, ‘Everyone must be a Kayserispor fan’ is fine, but if the child says, ‘No, I want to support Fenerbahçe,’ and the father is a fanatic Kayserispor supporter, then he forces the child. Then the child will say to his father, ‘I’m a Kayserispor fan,’ but outside the child will say, ‘I’m a Fenerbahçe fan.’ He teaches the child to lie. The biggest consequence of despotism is lying. Where there is oppression, defensive lies emerge, and after a while, these defensive lies become normalized. The fourth motto is participation. For example, if you are going on a vacation, and you say, ‘I have bought tickets, we are going,’ the family might say, ‘You did not consult us, you did not ask us.’ Peace is lost. However, decisions should be made together. Participation is important, and this can only happen in horizontal relationships.”

“Wrong goals that destroy the family…”

Explaining the need for families to define their goals correctly, Tarhan said that “In our culture, spouses are referred to as refik and refika. A husband is a travel companion, and a wife is also a travel companion. In other words, they saw life as a journey toward understanding. A journey has a destination. Currently, what is destroying the concept of family are the wrong goals of the family. Whatever is discussed at home becomes the goal of that family. If money, property, and fame are discussed at home, that becomes the goal. If being a good person and virtues are discussed, then being a virtuous person becomes the goal. In such a family, the child’s hierarchy of love is structured. At the top is the most loved subject, and then it moves down to less loved ones. Parents will prioritize raising virtuous people. The capitalist system gives two values while raising our children: to be smart and to be hardworking. The capitalist system raises them like this. Be smart, be hardworking, but also be a virtuous person. Say no to lies, no to bribery, respect others’ rights. Raise them with these values. It is hard to raise such a child in these times. If we succeed in this, that child will find peace and their way. The best legacy you can leave them is good character.”

“Remain an individual while becoming ‘us’ in marriage”

Stating that loneliness results from egoism, Tarhan expressed that “One of the reasons for the increase in loneliness is that marriage is no longer a safe space. The type of person who works only for themselves has increased, and egoism is currently a global epidemic. This epidemic, known as narcissism, ultimately leads people to loneliness. The result of egoism is loneliness. Egoism has no place in marriage, and you need to think as a couple. In marriage, you remain yourself while becoming ‘us.’ This is to raise good children and to create a harmonious environment by setting common goals. If a harmonious environment is achieved, then the soul of marriage is captured. It is not hard to achieve this. ‘Love + Cooperation = Lifelong Love.’ Healthy cooperation is needed. Without cooperation, there can be no marriage. This is the formula for marriage. It is about creating a sense of belonging within the family. Family ties are necessary, and the family should be a refuge.”

“Let’s use artificial intelligence for good, correct, and beautiful purposes”

Emphasizing the importance of using artificial intelligence for the right purposes, Tarhan made the following remarks: “Just as the discovery of electricity and the printing press transformed humanity, artificial intelligence will bring about a similar transformation. Let’s use artificial intelligence for good, correct, and beautiful purposes. If we provide good, correct, and beautiful information, people who enter the field of artificial intelligence will find good, correct, and beautiful information there. Therefore, let artificial intelligence be our passionate project. Let’s train and use it toward our goals. During adolescence, children, being immature, access information inappropriate for their level of consciousness. Instead of staying in the safe environment of the home, they engage with unsafe things, which negatively affects them. If there is not already a warm atmosphere at home, everyone is on social media. That is why social media is useful if used for its intended purpose. Let’s not be objects of popular culture. To avoid being enslaved, let’s use social media, computers, and artificial intelligence for our own purposes.”

At the end of the conference, Governor Çiçek and Mayor Büyükkılıç presented flowers and a gift to Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan.

Thanking Prof.  Tarhan for his participation, Büyükkılıç said that “We are glad you are here, my fellow citizens. Stay healthy and well.”

The conference received appreciation from the public, and the Metropolitan Municipality gifted participants Prof.  Nevzat Tarhan’s books ‘Psychology of Values and Humanity’ and ‘Family School and Marriage.’

Meters-long queue formed for Tarhan…

Tarhan received great interest from readers in Kayseri, who waited in long queues for hours to have their books signed.

Readers who chatted with Tarhan also took photos with him.

Tarhan visited the erciyes ski resort

After the program, on the first day of the year, Tarhan visited the flagship of tourism, the Erciyes Ski Resort, together with Kayseri Metropolitan Municipality Mayor Dr. Memduh Büyükkılıç. During the visit, Mayor Büyükkılıç provided information about the resort, and Tarhan praised the Erciyes Ski Resort.

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)