Unsafe home environment triggers loneliness!

President of Üsküdar University and Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan, participated in an online interview organized by the Gaziantep Oğuzeli District National Education Directorate. In his speech titled "Positive Psychology," Tarhan stated that the goal of positive psychology is to improve the quality of human life. Tarhan also drew attention to the word of the year, "Crowded loneliness," emphasizing that the lack of a safe home environment is one of the most important reasons that cause loneliness.

"Positive psychology is about improving human life quality"

Talking about the definition of positive psychology, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan expressed that "Positive psychology is not about being overly optimistic. Psychology brings the negative to zero. The goal of positive psychology is to raise zero to a positive level. That is, to improve life quality, to create well-being... Well-being in Turkish is referred to as the word 'afiyet.' This word refers to both health and a state of well-being. Positive psychology is about improving human life quality."

"There is one emotion behind fears: uncertainty..."

Emphasizing the need to define uncertainty, Tarhan stated that "Yalom talks about four basic anxieties that await humankind. One of the fears is the search for meaning. Anxiety arises when one cannot find meaning. Another fear is the desire for freedom. When a person does not feel free, they feel anxious. Another fear is the fear of death. When there is no definition of death, fear increases. Another fear is loneliness. Loneliness feels like poison to a person. These are existential fundamental fears. Behind these fears, there is one emotion: uncertainty. When we define uncertainty, these fears immediately are alleviated. The greatest enemy of freedom is lawlessness. What protects freedom is the right rules. When you bring such definitions, the fears disappear."

"Lack of empathy is most common in people with high egos"

Tarhan stated that the main theme of evil is lack of empathy and made the following remarks: "Positive psychology is a very important step in alleviating the existential fears of humans. In positive psychology, human virtues are taught. Keeping one's word, being honest, being hardworking, being helpful, being compassionate. When we examine the books written about evil, the main theme is the lack of empathy. Lack of empathy is most common in people with high egos. Many of the people who commit evil, such as those who abuse their wives or animals, are merciless, ruthless Type B personalities. The main feature of Type B personalities is lack of empathy. These people do not feel remorse. If such people have a character disorder, it cannot be corrected; however, if it is a personality trait, it can be corrected by realizing that it is wrong."

"We need a guiding map on the journey of life"

Drawing attention to the importance of ethical values on the journey of life, Tarhan stated that "On the journey of life, we need a guiding map. That map is values. Where we will turn right, where we will turn left, where we will speed up, and where we will slow down are all taught by stereotypes. Stereotypes are values. Having values affects the way a person lives their life honorably. Therefore, we need to define our values. There are terminal values and instrumental values. Terminal values are to be a good person. Instrumental values are to be hardworking, to be honest. For example, the capitalist system has set a measure in the education system: it says that being smart and hardworking is enough. This is the ego ideal it imposes on young people. It defines these two as virtues: being smart and hardworking. The smart person goes to university, becomes a chemical engineer, and produces synthetic marijuana. The computer engineer becomes a hacker. The doctor establishes a newborn baby gang. These are all the result of not teaching ethical values and moral norms."

"The lack of a safe home environment is one of the most important reasons that cause loneliness"

Explaining the concept of crowded loneliness, Tarhan said that "A person is alone in a crowd. This means that there is no one they can call a friend, no one they can open up to, and no one they can relieve their loneliness with in a safe way. They do not feel safe in the environment. A person faces various problems outside, with a hectic work pace. In this case, the home should be like a refuge. When this is the case, the person feels safe, not lonely. Right now, the home has started to cease being a safe space. The tension at home also negatively affects children. Healthy relationships cannot be established. When this happens, a person feels lonely. Today, household fragility has increased. It is increasing in Türkiye and all around the world. Five-person households are decreasing, while single-person households are increasing. The lack of a safe home environment is one of the most important reasons that cause loneliness."

"Narcissism is the form of selfishness that has become a personality trait"

Stating that egoism leads people to loneliness, Tarhan expressed that  "Neoliberal policies have reduced regulation in capitalism. Under the guise of freedom, competition has been pushed into fierce rivalry. That is, the approach is 'Get rich, however you can.' This is hedonism. After hedonism comes egoism. Narcissism is the form of selfishness that has become a personality trait. We are in such a time right now. Therefore, egoism also leads people to loneliness. Hedonistic people end up alone. When their spouse gets sick, they say, 'I only live once, I cannot care for your illness,' and they end the marriage. This is a form of selfishness. The solution to all these issues depends on changing a person's lifestyle."

"Where there is justice, virtues work better"

Emphasizing the importance of justice in all matters, Tarhan stated that "Anyone who transcends themselves is virtuous. Anyone who cannot transcend themselves is not virtuous. A person who only thinks of their own benefit is evil. If you want the definition of evil, look at the person who lives only for themselves. A person who only works for their own benefit is evil. A home where there is a selfish child who only thinks of their own benefit cannot have peace. There must be joint leadership from the parents, and  there needs to be fair sharing. Justice within the family is important. Justice is important in every sharing. Where there is justice, virtues work better. If our goal is justice, the method of this age is democratic functioning. Democracy is not just a form of government, it is also a system of values."

"Raising virtuous children is more important than leaving behind a factory!"

Stating that the correct ego ideal must be taught to children, Tarhan expressed that "We need to have goals in life that we can work hard for. We need to teach children the ego ideal. Being smart and hardworking is not enough. It is also necessary to be a good and virtuous person. If we teach our children to be virtuous as an ego ideal, that child will handle many things on their own. They can be the captain of their own ship. Therefore, we must teach our children this. Raising virtuous children is more important than leaving behind a factory..."

"The biggest need of teenagers is the need to be valued"

Emphasizing that we need to teach young people to enjoy ordinary situations, Tarhan concluded his remarks as follows: "What enables the production of serotonin in the brain is happiness from meaning. When someone is heading toward a goal and faces an obstacle, someone with dopamine happiness gets discouraged immediately. They want to get that pleasure again, but someone with serotonin happiness focuses on overcoming the obstacle. They search for new paths, new plans. They succeed and start enjoying small things. They find pleasure in every step of the ladder, in every rise. We need to teach young people to enjoy ordinary things. We will not present pleasures to young people on a silver platter. For example, a small smile is a reward for them. A loving look, a few kind words, is a reward. Especially the biggest need of teenagers is the need to be valued. When you value them, that is enough to motivate them."

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)