The new generation dimensions of love were discussed...

A symposium titled "Love 101" was held by the Psychology Club within the Üsküdar University Health, Culture and Sports (HCS) Department. In the symposium, the new generation dimensions of love, its physiological effects, interpersonal attraction mechanisms and deep psychological truths about love were discussed. The symposium was attended by Prof. Deniz Ülke Arıboğan, Specialist Dr. Mert Sinan Bingöl, Specialist Clinical Psychologist Zehra Erol and Department of Philosophy faculty member Assoc. Prof. Ömer Osmanoğlu.

The symposium, which was held at Üsküdar University South Campus Socrates Hall, received great attention from the students.

Prof. Deniz Ülke Arıboğan: "We live in a world where romance has ended"

Stating that the magic in love has become a product in today's world, Üsküdar University Faculty of Humanities and Social Sciences Dean Prof. Deniz Ülke Arıboğan expressed that "Every love has a different depth and what each love will become. Therefore, it is not something that can be generalized; however, it is love that affects each of us because it is a product. It is a product of our minds. A need for the Creator, a need in the same way that we need a faith. As they always say, "Love, loneliness, only is for God," is something that ends that loneliness. It is also a blessing from God. The new spirit of capitalism does not allow this. Everything brings love to this point, as we put it in the format of the consumer society. It is consumed quickly, experienced in plurality, has no boundaries but has no boundaries in the material sense, and is very limited in the emotional sense because love is limitless from an emotional point of view. In other words, you do not know how deep it will go and how far it will transform. We think in different places. It's something that we're getting more and more down from the waist down with capitalism. In fact, it is an order in which we confuse love with the relationship that we have started to define through sexuality, which we have reduced to a lower level. There is a new kind of concepts such as ghosting, or love bombing, right? They take out concept after concept in our lives, they package it. They package love as well as everything else. We live in a world where romance is over. They take the magic out of the romance. The transition period from homo sapiens to robot-sapiens is to achieve perfection by purifying human beings from some of their unmanned emotions, the new pain and race philosophy, you start this from childhood, for example, it erodes our values."

"We will long for natural silliness"

Emphasizing that the feeling of love has become artificial as capitalism has made everything artificial, Arıboğan stated that "It makes it the new normal, the new value, and you cannot fight it. All of these, such as the obligation of people to stay thin, the obligation to stay young , are imposed as aesthetic values and make you unhappy as soon as you cannot achieve this. Why should our noses be small? Valentine's Day ads are roses, rings compressed into a single day... Capitalism does not actually want the relationship to become obsolete. It does not want anything to get old. Throw away the leftover, throw away the broken one, buy a new one right away. It is cheaper to buy a new one anyway. Throw it away, you will use it until you lose it. When you break down, throw it away, and if you turn love into this, you have used it, your excitement has passed. Throw it away, we have a new one. It does not matter how immoral it is, we are walking towards more prestige. We are marching to a more famous one. We are walking to the one that gives me more opportunities. We are walking younger. We are walking to a more sexually glamorous one. We are marching towards what is more aesthetically shaping capitalism and more fashionable. It is no different from the bag we use. What is produced with post-industrial society is humanity itself. That is why everything about human beings is artificially produced. It is not left to its natural state. That's why I have unfortunately to say that we are entering a period where we will long for natural stupidity instead of artificial intelligence."

Specialist Dr. Mert Sinan Bingöl: "Love is a long-term relationship"

Pointing out that passionate love and affection are two different emotions, Dr. Mert Sinan Bingöl said that "This early emotion we are talking about is basically about ourselves. If we feel love in those first moments when we meet someone, and even the stronger we feel, it shows that we have strong needs. If it were not for that, no one would have sacrificed themselves for the person they met an hour ago. You know the thing in the movie Titanic, it is like that in a lot of movies. They just met, they came into his life an hour ago, two hours later, maybe we see them in a great love, but in fact, there is no day zone there. The relationship dynamics they bring from their own past cause them to feel those strong emotions in such a short time. If we compare it with love in this context, love is a relationship that is established in the long term. As we get to know the person, if there is harmony, it turns into love, if not, it turns into hatred. In passionate love, it comes from our own needs, so in passionate love, there are not many specific objects, so you can feel any attraction to any person. In this sense, but for love, the object is necessarily determined. You know it, you know, if it has the potential to love, you love it that way. In this sense, we know that love is sustaining. Love is basically the sustainer in relationships, and lust is the initiator. In other words, it brings two people together, provides the connection between them, completes its own task, and if the relationship goes well, it already turns into love and continues. If it does not transform, it turns into a void and ends. In this sense, we see that love is a more permanent and trusting emotion, a relationship. Passionate love, on the other hand, is mostly partially under our control, basically what we need to do is this. We need to start like the love of Psyche and Eros and continue like Adile Naşit and Münir Özkul. The most basic thing here is that there is no passion bond between each other passionately in continuously saying the words my love or my dear, these are not passionate. On the other hand, a lasting and strong trust in each other, love, sincerity are what we are all looking for in the long run. This should be our main goal in relationship processes."

"The first feature that catches people's attention is physical appearance"

Talking about the ability of men and women to impress each other with their appearance, Bingöl said that the first feature that attracts people's attention is physical appearance. Bingöl expressed that "The first thing we notice is the physical appearance. The concept of body symmetry and beauty is especially important here because it hereditary changes the future of the species for the better, so this is very important in the first stage. Apart from this, it has been observed that these situations affect the decisions when decisions are made in recruitment and courts when viewed in terms of beauty and symmetrical feautres. This also gives the person a status, that is, thanks to this beauty, one gains a certain status. It increases their own value. For example, a mediocre person elevates themselves next to a beautiful and high-status person. According to scientific studies, what women look for in men is tall height and then the waist-hip ratio that is looked at. It is said that it is more ideal to have a waist-hip ratio of 0.9. Apart from the fact that she has an athletic and sharp face, the most striking issues about the orientation of women to men are the most striking. What men pay attention to in women is that there is a small waist-hip ratio, especially the 0.7 rate has been obtained independently of weight, even if it is overweight, it can be attractive if it maintains this ratio, according to studies, however, the baby-like face is important in both sexes, in fact, the baby-like face is important in both sexes, since the baby-like face symbolizes innocence in children, it brings the interest to the fore in men and women. Having a childlike face directs both sexes. Men attach more importance to physical attraction."

Specialist Clinical Psychologist Zehra Erol: "At first, we see the positive aspects of the person in front of us"

Specialist Clinical Psychologist Zehra Erol stated that people who fall in love glorify their partners and look at every behavior of their partner positively and expressed that "The word love is actually derived from the word desire. Of course, we encounter the impulsive, emotional side more in the sessions. The feeling of love is both an immediate feeling and a long-term state of mind. Of course, it involves being conscious of the object of love, that is, actually focusing on that object of love. When we talk about love, we are talking about the early days of romantic love. We are talking about those euphoric times. It is not only as an emotion, but also as a psychological package that encompasses impulses, actions, thoughts, expectations, beliefs, and values. In fact, it is not possible to talk about a single dimension, and everyone's perception of love is different according to their own life and personal story. In everyday life and with therapies, it is always a situation in which the existence of the other is glorified. At first, we always see the positive aspects and because we see the positive aspects, we do not dwell on the object of love, that is, the person we fall in love with, even if there are some things that bother us at that time. We find a number of reasons. For example, in the sessions, when people talk about the person they are in love with, they can say that they are very interested, very friendly, call me every day, but when you do not ask and do not examine them in such detail, you realize that there are some things they forget to say. Some of these are issues that he does not want to focus on because he focused on the positive in his time. For example, yes, he is very caring, very friendly, he sees me from time to time, because he has just started, but in the background, for example, he still sees his ex, he knows that he does not say these things. When the person is enthusiastic in these early periods, he does not dwell on the positive things, even if he sees them. When this process continues, after a while, if the problems continue, they say, 'Why do I tolerate this?'"

"Myths and cultures influence love"

Mentioning that all kinds of cultures affect love differently, Erol stated that "I will talk about myths about love. These come up frequently in our sessions. The first, and of course the myth of happily ever after, is that even if we cannott make it possible to fall in love, we believe that if we put in enough effort to look valuable and be liked, we can be liked by people, by the person we like or fall in love with. In fact, culture has a lot to do with this. Especially when raising girls, the best thing is to be right and take care of themselves, to do everything they can, they grow up with these values and you already see them in most sessions. There is an attitude that people who grow up with this perception try to do their best or even go beyond in the relationship when they encounter a problem, and they believe that there will come a point and then the problems will decrease. This is a very common attitude in the culture. This used to be seen a lot in female partners; however, now it is seen in men in a different way. Men have a perception that if they have enough physical attractiveness lately, if they are fun, they can be liked by a high-status woman. Yet another myth about love is that love must happen on its own. From the very beginning, the belief that two people should be together all the time. Of course, there are a number of reasons why you fall in love at the first moment. We do not have to walk around like a twin with the person you are in love with. Everyone has personal space, and when there are boundaries, it gives us an idea of how that relationship will progress at the beginning of the relationship. There are some cultures where the concept of love, the spontaneous will of love, does not come into play. Especially love in eastern cultures. It considers the relationship as a process to which the person dedicates themselves. Pain is naturalized in love, and this is what we have in our culture, but there is also a very rapid change. Over time, the perspective also changes, but the change between the logical change and the rational and rational aspect of an emotional satellite does not go very much in tandem. Emotional culture, in our culture, we are more aware of the logical interpretation of events; however, I can say that our emotional and behavioral awareness is low."

Assoc. Prof. Ömer Osmanoğlu: "Trying to approach love from a philosophical perspective involves a paradox within ourselves"

Pointing out that philosophers are unsuccessful in love, Üsküdar University Faculty of Humanities and Social Sciences Department of Philosophy faculty member Assoc. Prof. Ömer Osmanoğlu mentioned that philosophers mostly encounter the destructive aspects of love in their lives. Osmanoğlu stated that "Now I will try to take a philosophical look at love. In other words, from a philosophical point of view, of course, it is necessary to look at love first. It is necessary to deal with the different meanings and different manifestations of love, and the teachers before me tried to deal with different dimensions of love. Perhaps mine will be a kind of return to origin, a return to concepts, terms. There seems to be little left from ancient times to the present day. It is about love, in novels, TV series, songs, movies, fairy tales. We can find traces of love. However unfortunately, we allow this magical word to slip out of our words and our everyday lives. Here there are contrasts, contrasts between old loves and new loves. I do not want to get too demoralized by going in here. I would like to say something a little more hopeful and in a philosophical framework about the origin. Trying to approach love from a philosophical point of view involves a paradox within ourselves. What a paradox this is, as far as we can see, philosophers fail at love. In other words, love has such a positive, productive, liberating and empowering dimension. There is also a burning, destructive, corrosive side. Philosophers have encountered the more destructive aspects of love in their lives. Some examples that come to mind are Socrates and his wife Xanthippe, Socrates suffered a lot from being a philosopher, he suffered from walking around the streets and talking to people, so he did not care much about his house. He is constantly out there investigating virtue and wisdom at work with people. In this sense, there are some stories that have been told to us. Socrates says, 'Get married, if your wife is good, you will be happy, and if she is bad, you will be a philosopher.'"

"The essence of our existence is to love or to be loved"

Osmanoğlu mentioned that people are born with an essence of love and stated that "Love is inherent in us. We are all born with an innate essence of love. In other words, the essence of our existence is to love or to be loved. It is a universal value, and it drives us toward other people, another object, or a supreme being. Therefore, love is an intense love, an intense state of love; however, there are very serious differences between love and lust. When we define it, we necessarily define it in terms of love, but loving and falling in love are very different things. Love is more complicated, is not sexual attraction, attraction, lust, passion, passion or the forgetting one's own self a sacrifice in love? When it comes to love, we are blinded. Love blinds the eyes and deafens the ears. Therefore, there is an unplanned rush forward in love. There is an orientation towards the other, being one, a oneness. Therefore, there is a crazy side to love. Loving passionately, gravitating, directing in such a way that my eyes cannot see anything, the state of having too much love, that is how they define love, but that is not what love is. In other words, we cannot understand love by saying that it is the intense state of love. Love is a kind of passion, a kind of passion. To disappear, to be obsessed. Therefore, you cannot quit, and you cannot give up even if you want to. Love makes us feel a kind of eternity. We feel the sense of eternity. When we fall in love, and we think of our childhood, what we experienced. We want someone to see it, on the other hand, lovers talk a lot about death. They have the thought of death in their heads, and there is also a sense of reaching a kind of eternity together. Thus, you feel eternity. When you breathe when you fall in love, and you feel as if you have breathed in eternity. Therefore, it should not surprise us that the words love and death are mentioned side by side. Love is a constant inclination in the heart. In other words, there is a man without planning and overthinking, without fear."

The symposium, in which books were presented to the students, ended with a group photo shoot.

 

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)