Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: "Excessive protection and control is not love, it is the imprisonment of the child's soul..."

Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that if parents are constantly saying "Do not  do that, do not touch, do not go there," it can negatively affect the development of a child's social skills and stated that "How will a child learn about life if they are overly restricted? Of course, protecting from dangers is important, but it is also necessary to leave space for the child to move freely within the home. Excessive protection and control may seem like love, but in reality, it imprisons the child's soul."

stating that one should not be afraid of making mistakes and that everyone can make mistakes, Prof. Tarhan expressed that "The moment you are afraid of making a mistake, introversion begins, and your social skills cannot develop. Making mistakes is part of the human growth process. What matters is what you learn after making a mistake."

President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan addressed the topic of introverted personalities.

They prefer to be in a chosen solitude

Prof. Tarhan stated that there are three main areas that determine human behavior in social relationships: communication style, coping with stress, and the way of solving problems or handling situations. He mentioned that an individual's performance in these three areas forms their overall communication skills. Prof. Tarhan stated that "In the literature, communication skills are evaluated according to an individual's tendency toward introversion or extroversion. This distinction can especially be observed in children. The concepts of introversion and introversion as a closed personality are often used interchangeably. However, this is not the correct approach. Introversion can be understood as a more advanced state of introversion. Introverted individuals are described as having high ‘internal intelligence’ in multiple intelligence theory. Their internal intelligence generally reaches the level of wisdom; however, they speak not so often and prefer to be in a selected solitude. Introverted individuals can establish a comfortable relationship with the outside world when necessary."

If a child is not directed towards social relationships, they may become dependent on their own imaginary world
Prof. Tarhan emphasized that excessive socialization with the outside world, without focusing on oneself, is also an unhealthy situation. Tarhan expressed that "The root of introversion is often influenced by childhood experiences. For this reason, introversion is particularly intensively studied during childhood. Research focuses on how an individual develops during infancy, walking, preschool, elementary school, early adolescence, and adolescence periods. Especially during infancy, low levels of stimulation and the family’s overly protective and controlling approach can negatively affect the child's social development. Babies experience the feeling of fear immediately after birth and cry in response. During this process, they seek security and love from their mothers. When they feel their mother’s love, a sense of relaxation and security develops. However, as the child grows, they should overcome this fear and establish a healthier relationship with the outside world. Children who lack social contact before and during walking stages tend to become more attached to their toys and may create their own introverted world with these toys instead of engaging in social interaction. If a child is not directed towards social relationships, they may become dependent on their toys and their own imaginary world. This situation may, at some point, be confused with autism-like social isolation. They may act like autistic individuals."

Social isolation increases children's introversion

Prof. Tarhan mentioned that modern living conditions can also trigger this problem, noting that children living in apartment buildings no longer have the opportunity to spend time with extended family members or neighborhood friends as they once did. Tarhan stated that "The weakening of neighborly relationships can negatively affect children's social development, directing them only towards individual activities like watching television and using computers. This kind of social isolation is a significant factor that increases children's introversion. There is also a one-way relationship with mobile phones. In these children, this can even lead to conditions we call learned autism. If children are not in a social environment, they become introverted."

Human behavior and identity development are shaped by environmental and social factors

Prof. Tarhan explained that there are over fifty cases in the literature known as "wild children." These children grew up in natural environments such as forests, often neglected by human interaction, and were left in the care of animals. Tarhan gave an example by citing the famous Ukrainian Malaya case as one of the best-known examples. Tarhan stated that "In this case, the child lived with alcoholic parents in a house by the forest until the age of three. However, the parents did not show interest in the child, and the child grew up among dogs. When the child was found at the age of 10, they were barking like dogs, walking on hands and feet, drinking with their head submerged in water, and imitating the behavior of dogs. The child’s gender was not initially clear and it was only determined later that she was a girl. By the time the child reached her twenties, she had only developed limited speaking skills. Such cases show that human behavior and identity development are shaped more by environmental and social factors than by innate biological traits."

Humans are psychologically born prematurely

Prof. Tarhan stated that even the healthiest child is psychologically born prematurely and develops later and expressed that  "A human baby is born ‘prematurely’ compared to other living beings. Even if the birth is physically normal, the psychological maturity is not yet developed, and it takes time for the child to learn about the outside world. A human baby starts walking at one year old. At 15, they distinguish between right and wrong."

It is important for a child to interact with people outside the family after the age of three

Regarding how to notice if a person is introverted, Prof. Tarhan said that "If a child avoids eye contact, hugs their mother immediately when they encounter someone, or exhibits hesitation in their behavior, this is called ‘behavioral inhibition.’ Sometimes, the child may even spit at someone who tries to take them. This is usually observed during crawling and walking periods, that is, in the first three years. These kinds of traits may indicate that the child is inclined to develop social phobia. However, such situations are observed in 10-15% of children and should not always be considered a symptom of illness. It could also be related to the child's introverted temperament. As the socialization process progresses, the child's low level of social stimulation may decrease. The interest of parents, their communication, and the people around the child are crucial in this process. The first three years, especially, are a critical period where the relationship with the parents should remain warm and full of trust. However, after the age of three, it is important for the child to interact with people outside the family. For a child growing up in an apartment environment, starting preschool after the age of three may be beneficial. This is important for preventing the child from experiencing social inhibition."

Social interaction is very important for the child's development

Prof. Tarhan emphasized that social interaction is very valuable for a child's development, continued his remarks as follows:

"Children learn by making mistakes. By interacting with others, they learn from negative experiences and develop in this way. Therefore, children should be provided with plenty of opportunities for social interaction. For example, if a child picks up a glass of water and spills it, we might say, 'You misbehaved.' However, the child is learning how their muscles develop in relation to gravity at that moment. Children learn everything later, but the most important role models in this learning process are the parents. The child observes their parents' attitudes while shaping their behavior. Whether or not the parents approve of the child's behavior in every situation is decisive in the child's development. If the parents constantly say, 'Do not do that, do not touch this, do not go there,' it can negatively affect the child's development of social skills. How will a child learn life if overly restricted? Of course, it is important to protect from dangers, but it is also necessary to leave a space where the child can move freely at home. Excessive protection and control may seem like love, but it actually traps the child's spirit."

Excessive Control and Intervention are also a Form of Trauma

Prof. Tarhan pointed out that excessive control and intervention are now recognized as a type of trauma in scales used to measure childhood trauma. Tarhan stated that "This is a common problem, especially in our society. In studies, while other types of trauma may not be observed in many cases, high scores have been noted due to excessive control and intervention by parents. This situation describes what is known as the ‘drone parent,’ where parents try to control every move of the child. Such an approach can cause children to fear social environments, experience a lack of self-confidence, and develop social introversion. The perception that life is unsafe increases the child's need for excessive protection. When parents constantly warn their child by saying 'Be careful, do not talk to anyone,' or follow the child’s every step with a phone, it prevents the child from freely gaining experiences. This leads to the upbringing of socially introverted children with low self-confidence. In other words, we need to raise children who are determined and confident."

Children Should Be Taught to Say ‘No’
Prof. Tarhan mentioned that social silence in children usually arises from weak social skills, fear of criticism, or fear of making mistakes, and such children are often perceived and praised as "easy going children" in society. Tarhan said that "Children with social silence are often targeted by more aggressive peers, and this can lead them to become even more withdrawn. Therefore, it is important to teach children how to say ‘no,’ to protect their personal boundaries and rights. Children should be taught to solve problems without fighting, and to develop problem-solving skills. This is the primary responsibility of parents. After the child starts school, educators step in."

Educators Should Be Guides Who Develop Students' Social Skills

Prof. Tarhan emphasized that educators should not only impart knowledge but also serve as guides who help develop students' social skills. Tarhan noted that "The recent reforms initiated by the Ministry of National Education can be seen as an important step in this direction. In particular, the shift to project-based education helps children learn problem-solving, socializing, and thinking, rather than just memorizing information. In this system, children are given projects, and learning occurs through discussions of information. For example, when a child returns home from school, they can discuss their projects with their family, which reinforces social interaction and problem-solving skills. Although this reform has started at the high school and middle school levels, it is believed that such education should also be implemented at the primary school level. Producing projects means being able to make comments, develop ideas, and make connections between events. These activities enhance social interaction. We need to raise children who are inclined to work in teams."

Introversion can Manifest in Different Ways

Prof. Tarhan continued by explaining that introversion can manifest in various forms, including social behavioral inhibition, social withdrawal, shyness, or social indifference. Tarhan continued his remarks as follows: "Attachment styles can also differ in this process. If there is secure attachment, the person develops healthily. Avoidant attachment can occur, where the person feels loneliness in a crowd despite not wanting to, or remains alone against their will. They may not want to be alone, but they remain silent in the crowd, not speaking at all. There is also anxious attachment, where the person becomes red-faced, panics, and experiences trembling. They are unable to speak, and cannot say, 'This is my opinion,' or 'I think this.' Social phobia and social anxiety are common in such individuals. When they enter a crowd, they feel like everyone is watching them. As a result, they may sit near the door or quickly want to leave the environment. These individuals often experience symptoms like blushing, palpitations, and shortness of breath. They struggle to give speeches in public. This condition is especially evident in perfectionist individuals, who fear making mistakes because they believe everything must be perfect and tend to work excessively. However, overworking can sometimes have an adverse effect. For instance, a person who has prepared well for a topic may forget everything when they face an audience."

Introversion Begins When You Fear Making Mistakes...

Prof.  Tarhan emphasized the importance of not being afraid to make mistakes, as everyone makes mistakes. He stated that "The moment you fear making mistakes, introversion begins, and your social skills will not develop. Making mistakes is part of the growth process. The important thing is what you learn after making a mistake. People with high egos sometimes avoid taking action because they fear making mistakes and becoming embarrassed. They prefer doing nothing because of the fear of failure. However, this is a mistake as well, and perhaps an even bigger mistake. To grow and develop in life, you must take risks. However, these risks should be calculable. We encourage people to take calculable risks because these risks often reveal hidden talents. For skills to develop, a person needs to learn social assertiveness and proactivity. Assertiveness and social initiative training play an important role here. These trainings help individuals overcome their fears and express themselves more easily. Of course, introversion does not have to be a lifelong condition. If parents struggle to overcome this, they can seek help from an expert. Experts can provide assertiveness and social initiative training appropriate for the child’s age. Since children’s psychological makeup is very flexible, they adapt to new situations quickly and can easily overcome such problems with the right support.",

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)