Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: "Childhood is the homeland, but it is not destiny, and it can change"

President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan discussed the subject of "Childhood Traumas" in the program "Door to Mind with Prof. Nevzat Tarhan" broadcast on Dost TV and Dost FM. Emphasizing that childhood is the period in which the human soul is shaped, Tarhan said that "The foundation of our personality is laid in childhood. A person's homeland is childhood. Childhood is the homeland, but it is not destiny, and it can change." Stating that ignoring the child can create a trauma effect, Tarhan said that "The worst trauma in a child is the trauma of apathy. Ignoring the child, lack of love and ignorance have a traumatizing effect on the child."

"The foundation of our personality is laid in childhood"

Stating that childhood is the period in which the human soul is shaped, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "The foundation of our personality is laid in childhood. A person's homeland is childhood. In other words, childhood is the homeland of our soul. It is the place where our soul is shaped and developed. Just as a person feels a devotion to their homeland, they feel an attachment or hatred to their childhood in the same way. Or they are very confused about childhood. Childhood is very important in human development. The truths of the age determine what is good and what is bad. In other words, there are basic truths, but the conditions of our time also determine the good and the bad."

"A child who is a victim at a young age becomes its perpetrator at an advanced age"

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that "The developing spirit of children is vulnerable and vulnerable. They learn about life under the guidance of their parents. In other words, if pressure, fear, threats, intimidation, beating, and a severe education method are applied at a young age, the child who is a victim at a young age becomes its perpetrator at an advanced age."

"If they have a high sense of autonomy, after the age of 10, they begin to defy their parents. They do the opposite of what their parents say. For example, they want their child to be successful, but the child is lazy. They want their child to be religious, and the child is the opposite. In a way, the child is punishing their family. In fact, they take revenge on their parents. A child who is brought up without affection by inflicting violence without love becomes a criminal type and becomes anti-social. The child is raised without love and discipline."

"Most of those who commit crimes are those who grew up without love in their childhood..."

Referring to the importance of the balance of love and discipline in childhood, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "Most of the offenders are children who have been raised in childhood without love or compassion, threatened and intimidated. This happens when there is less love, less discipline, more discipline. The child has low self-esteem, becomes passive, cowardly, timid. With 'Obedience, be comfortable', a passively managed type of person emerges. There is no love, it is raised by being crushed. This fear exists in cultures of the East. So, there is no sense of compassion. There is a tendency in people to be compassionate and empathetic, but one does not develop when they cannot find the appropriate environment. Because human beings are born to be infinitely benevolent and infinitely malicious."

"The worst trauma is the trauma of apathy"

Stating that ignoring the child can create a trauma effect, Tarhan said that "The worst trauma in a child is the trauma of apathy. Ignoring the child, lack of love, and ignorance have a traumatizing effect on the child. In other words, they say something, but they do not listen. He asks a question and they do not answer, and these are ignorance. These are also apathy. In fact, there is a concept called distant abandonment. The mother is in the same house, but she does not devote time to the child. She is not interested in the child. They are next to each other, but she is constantly busy on the phone or watching TV series. As a result of this situation, there are mothers who are not even aware of any needs of the child."

"Parents are the most important attachment element for the child"

Mentioning that if the need for attachment is not met, diseases related to it may occur, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "Parents are the most important attachment element for the child. It satisfies the need to connect. In other words, just as eating and drinking is a need, that is, if vitamin C and vitamin B do not enter our body, diseases occur, and if children cannot meet the need for attachment, diseases related to it occur. At first, the object of attachment becomes the mother. As the child grows, the child becomes the father along with the mother. As the child grows up, it becomes toys, siblings, society, humanity, the universe, and the creator. The human being has a need to connect because the human being is a relational being. When one satisfies their need for attachment, they become peaceful. For example, a person cannot meet their need for attachment at the time of death. Modernism teaches us to live by forgetting death. However, death is such a fact that it is not forgotten. People give themselves over to entertainment, movies, drinking, trying to forget, but the reality of death is there. In such a case, a person who believes in a life after death and makes sense of life after death spends their old age very well because one satisfies their need for attachment. One gets the peace of mind that comes with their faith."

“Overprotectiveness is mistaken for a virtue in our culture."

Stating that the sense of overprotection and excessive control creates a trauma effect on the child, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "Overprotectiveness is thought to be a virtue in our culture. It is believed that it is good parenthood. It is the opposite. For example, it even controls the child's breathing. We used to call it helicopter parents, now we call it drone parents. One constantly walks around the hill and observes. The kid goes into the bathroom and the parent bangs on the door, saying, 'What are you doing?' The parent interferes with the child to this extent. This is the invading parenting style. Excessive protection and excessive sense of control have a traumatizing effect on the child. It is one of the important causes of mental illness in the future...".

"There is always an opportunity to beautify our inner world"

Stating that people can recognize and solve their own traumas, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan concluded his remarks as follows: "Self-knowledge is the first condition in therapy. There was no self-knowledge in the old schools of psychology. 'You' are good, fix others'. This was a therapy technique that was wrong. Now they are abandoned. The first is self-consciousness, self-knowledge. It is self-management. After that, social consciousness, empathy, getting to know other people. Then comes relationship management. If one does not act as their own lawyer, they treat themselves like a prosecutor, but like a fair prosecutor. If one can question themselves, and if a person says, 'How much of this did I cause?' if an incident happened here, this person could easily correct themselves. Childhood is the homeland, but it is not destiny, it can change. In the homeland of man, one can make it more beautiful. One can make the homeland beautiful again. Therefore, there is always an opportunity to beautify our inner world."

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)