Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: "Family is one of the most important discoveries of mankind"


President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan was the guest of the panel titled "Family and Youth" organized by İstanbul Sabahattin Zaim University. Tarhan, who made remarkable statements on family structure and ideal relationships from past to present, said that marriage is a journey and that spouses should complement each other on this journey. Tarhan described the concept of family as one of the most important discoveries of mankind.

The panel held in İstanbul Sabahattin Zaim University attracted great attention by the participants.

One of the most important discoveries of mankind is the Family...

President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan drew attention to the importance of the concept of family. In the program, which attracted great interest from students and academicians, Tarhan stated that "Coupling is biological, but marriage is cultural. For this reason, the concept of family is one of the most important discoveries of mankind. Two concepts, the concept of family and the state. There are two sets of rules that sustain a community. When this is shaken, chaos ensues. When the rule-based system in the state is disrupted, justice deteriorates, the structure of the state deteriorates, and anarchy emerges. It is the same in the family. It is a system of rules created by people. Genetically, there is only a combination between men and women, the biological dimension. This constitutes 30 percent of the concept of family. 30 percent comes biologically and 70 percent culturally over the years with social learning. We learn all human values later. Cultural rights, not genetics, emerge. The first place that teaches this is home, family. In the absence of this, the concept of family disappears, and after decades it becomes a society full of wild children and wild people."

“People are born psychologically prematurely"

Pointing out that people are born prematurely from a neuropsychological point of view, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that "When a human child is born, they are neuropsychologically born prematurely. As soon as the duck hatches, it walks. Think of the cow calf, it stumbles, but it walks immediately. However, a human can stand after the age of one. At the age of 15, one can distinguish between good and bad. In other words, people come to perfection by learning in this world and to improve themselves by learning. Others come into this world ready-made. Psychologically, people are born prematurely. It means that people learn many things in this world. The effect of learning on the brain, after neuroscience developed, was understood that we used to say 5-6 years old. Now we call it 3 years old. The information learned between the ages of 0-3 is more than 50 percent of the information learned in one’s whole life."

"The future of the family is under serious threat"

Tarhan expressed that "A child who grows up without love becomes wild. If there is no mother or a substitute for the mother, the child grows up with serious traumas. The family atmosphere was noticed for this reason. Since popular capitalist morality sees the family as a threat to the growth of the world's population, it has put the weakening of the family and global capital as a strategic goal. In Northern Europe, there are between 50 percent and 56 percent of extramarital children. In the UK, it is 56 percent. In France, it is 59 percent, and in Iceland, it is 69 percent. These are children born out of wedlock. If it goes on like this, in 20 years, Türkiye will be like Sweden and Norway. In other words, the future of the family is under serious threat."

"Life scripts should be rewritten according to new actors"

Emphasizing that children use the information they learn from their lives at an advanced age, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "One learns from life events in their childhood. They take the life scenarios of childhood and create their living standards with the life scenarios they have learned. Let's say a person grew up in a very healthy family. There are mothers, fathers, brothers, siblings in a family. They grew up there. When a person gets married, they are with another family. After being together, new actors enter one’s life. Mother-in-law and father-in-law are entering their life. According to these new actors, a person should not rewrite the script of life. For example, stubborn people do not write. They say, my mother was like, but you are not like that. You do not act like my mother. Or one says my father was, you are not. She wants a husband like her own father. Or he wants her to change like his own mother. As such, he tries to change his wife. Ego wars occurs. What I say or what you say, I'm right or you're right, my mom or your mom... The fight goes on and on, saying my money is your money."

"Western portrayal misleads pure minds"

Underlining that parents should spend more time with their children during this period, Tarhan said that "Western portrayal misleads pure minds. In other words, it is similar to waving bananas at a monkey. It puts all kinds of evil into the minds of naïve children or into the minds of Anatolian people who do not know them. The programs that received the most ratings. There is a great contamination of capitalist morality because it receives ratings and advertisements. However, in such an environment, the solution to this is that everyone will take care of their own family, their own children. If parents used to allocate half an hour to their child, now they will allocate an hour. It will take more time. Also, the method he uses should be the method of persuasion. Instead of pressure, threats, shame, prohibition, and sin, we will use persuasion and love. Many of our traditional truths are actually for the short-term, medium- and long-term benefit of man. Persuasionis a difficult method, but it is necessary to explain this together with the reasons."

"Marriage is going on a journey"

Stating that marriage is a journey and spouses complement each other on this journey, Tarhan said that "Marriage is called refik and refika in our culture. Refik means male companion and refika means female companion. In other words, in our culture, marriage is the companionship of a man and a woman. The companion completes each other's shortcomings. They think about their destination and at least meet up with a common area on the way home. They meet at a golden middle ground. In the future, there is a unity of goal. In the ideal marriage, it is important to look in the same direction. A relationship between spouses is moving forward together. It is to go on a journey together. When you get on a ship in the middle of a marriage, you are crossing the ocean, do you say, 'I am bored, so I am quitting'? Can the surgeon say 'I am bored, so I am quitting' in the middle of the operation while performing an operation? Marriage is the same way..."

"The act of self-actualization is not to the liking of the capitalist system"

Stating that the person is happy as long as making others happy, Tarhan expressed that "Maslow has a pyramid of psychosocial needs. At its base, physiological needs, such as eating, drinking, reproducing, sheltering. After that comes the need for trust, to trust, to love, to be loved, to be respected, to show respect. At the top is self-actualization. Not self-actualization, but self-transcendence. A person is happy if they realize their need to transcend themselves. The act of self-actualization is not to the liking of the capitalist system. That is why the capitalist system ignores this. Unfortunately, since we have a capitalist education system, we continue to do the same. Here, self-transcendence is doing something for one's family, for the society in which one lives, for humanity, for one's country, for the universe, for the creator. A person needs to transcend themselves. A person is happy when they transcend themselves. One is not happy when they make themselves happy. When a person makes others happy, both the person and others are happy."

'Love + Collaboration = Lifelong Love'

Reminding that equivalence in marriage is very important when starting a family, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "It is not enough for people to love each other. Often modern life at the moment asks young people, why do you say get married? Now, love is not the cause in marriage, but the effect. If there is love in marriage, 'Love + Cooperation = Lifelong Love’ happens. When good cooperation is not established, love evaporates. Good cooperation is required for love to be sustainable. Good collaboration requires an open, transparent and honest relationship. There are 5 rules in marriage. The first is love. There is a greater part of love, and that is compassion. One is love. And the second is respect. There is also a little greater respect and that is kindness. One may show respect because they are afraid, but kindness does not happen due to fear. A person shows respect because they do not want to hurt the other party, because of kindness... The third is patience. At the moment, there are very few of them in their young. They are impatient It is one of the biggest enemies of marriage. Patience is such a thing that it is not about standing aside and waiting, not like ‘God, give me patience’. Patience is a meditative act. In other words, what we call active patience is patience in motion. It is to adapt to the speed and rhythm of nature. And the fourth time is loyalty. Loyalty has two meanings. The first is to be loyal, to be attached. The second is sıdk, a radical righteousness. That is, the husband and wife will not lie, even if it is a joke. An open, transparent, honest relationship is needed. And the fifth is sincerity. A field called the neuroscience of intention has emerged. Intentional behaviors and unintentional behaviors have different working systems in the brain. In intentional behavior, mirror neurons are working. It affects the other side.”

"If there is a solid belief system, the person is peaceful"

Stating that people with a solid belief system are peaceful, Prof. Tarhan said that "There are things that people can control, and there are things that they cannot control. There are things you can afford and there are things you cannot afford. When one believes in a higher power, a higher will, one relaxes. It is peaceful when it is part of a great meaning. Let's say you get on a plane. If you wonder if the pilot is drunk or sleeping, you suspect and you cannot sleep during the travel. You must trust the pilot. A person needs a mental refuge in life. They have a mental haven to rely on. It is the belief systems of the people. If there is a solid belief system, the person is at peace. One captures the peace of surrender and the peace of trust. So that is why it is part of a sense of mental health right now. We can say that it is a part of being at peace with oneself."

"Let young people have important ideals in their lives"

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan gave advice to young people. Tarhan expressed that "Love what you do or do what you love. If you must do that job, focus on how you will love it. If so, there is already a sense of flow in the work you do with love and enthusiasm. Let young people have important ideals in their lives. Let them aspire to hardship. They should not fall into despair and pessimism. They should not pay attention to those who speak negatively. If you marry by knowing what marriage is, do not be afraid of it. People can experience difficulties, and those difficulties increase in the quality of marriage. We call the life events experienced for him trauma that develops with traumas. There is a storm in the marriage, after which they get to know each other better and move forward by learning something about each other. This is also the case in social life. Therefore, if you focus on the threat dimension of traumatic events, shock experiences and troubles, you will not be able to develop. You change your path all the time; however, you can improve yourself if you look at the opportunity dimension."

At the end of the program, Prof. Tarhan signed his books for the participants.

Then, a gift was presented to Prof. Nevzat Tarhan.

The panel ended with a group photo shoot.


Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)