Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: “A parent model that shakes finger at their child is not valid in this age”

President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan participated in the online event organized by the MEC (Mahmud Es'ad Cosan) Australia Foundation. Pointing out that it is important to teach digital literacy to children instead of completely banning digital, Tarhan stated that "If a child cannot learn digital literacy, digital systems will control the child. When we teach digital literacy to a child, that child uses digital for their own purpose." Expressing that the balance of love and discipline plays an important role in the development of the child, Tarhan stated that "Discipline and advice are like snowfall. If it is slow and steady, it settles. There will be discipline with love in it, but it will be determined, consistent, continuous. A parent model that shakes finger at the child is not valid in this age."

"What is right and what is wrong is learned later"

Stating that the child's abstract thinking skills do not develop in the pre-primary school period, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan pointed out that children learns by observing their environment. Tarhan stated that "How to treat a teenager has a lot to do with how they were treated before. In the pre-primary school period, the child's abstract thinking skills have not developed. In other words, the child is confusing the abstract with the concrete. For example, if children see a monster on the screen, they think that if the child watches it alone, the child thinks that monster will come out of the screen and bite them. If children have their mother or relative with them and when they stay calm, the child starts to stay calm and is not affected or harmed by that situation. In other words, the child learns later what is right and what is wrong, what is to be feared and what is not to be feared. There are some great innate fears, such as the fear of death. These fears are genetic. Other fears emerge by learning."

"Screen exposure should not be used as a diversion!"

Emphasizing that screen exposure should not be used as a diversionary method, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that "When screen exposure to a child in the learning process is used as a method of entertainment, relaxation method, feeding method, that is, to keep the child occupied, there is a great difficulty in the future. For this reason, it is extremely dangerous to give a screen to the child between the ages of 0-3 and keep the child occupied. If the children are going to play, they need to do it under parental supervision. If they do not do this, 0–3-year-old children start to see it as a right and this seems like a normal situation. For this reason, the time spent with the mother, the time with the father, the time with the siblings is much more instructive for the child between the ages of 0-3.”

"It is necessary to teach to manage instead of completely banning it"

Emphasizing that it is necessary to teach how to manage digital instead of completely banning it, Prof. Tarhan expressed that "If the parents spend a lot of time with the child, the child can spend time in front of the screen and take care of him at certain and limited times outside of his responsibilities. It is necessary to teach it to manage instead of prohibiting it completely. This is called media literacy and digital literacy. If you teach digital literacy to the child, do not be afraid at all. If the child does not learn digital literacy, digital systems will control them. When we teach digital literacy to the child, that child uses digital for their own purpose, school, lesson and needs. For this reason, let's act to teach digital literacy to children."

"Discipline and advice are like snowfall"

Referring to the importance of the balance of love and discipline in the development of the child, Tarhan stated that "There are two main elements in the raising a child. One is love and the other is discipline. Love and discipline are the two main sources of your child's development. It is necessary to manage these resources well. If there is no love in a house and there is excessive discipline, in such an environment, a child with low self-esteem, a coward child is a candidate for depression emerges. In such cases, juveniles who are skilled in crime emerge. When it is the opposite, there is a lot of love but loose discipline. In such cases, the house is not a regulated environment. If the house is not a regulated environment and if discipline is loose, the child becomes the little leader of the house. The child becomes the little ruler of the house or the boss. A child receives love, but they are not taught where to stop or not taught the rules. There is less sense of responsibility and more sense of freedom. When children enter adolescence period, they see their mother and father as a fruit tree and shakes them off. The balance between love and discipline is very important. Discipline and advice are like snowfall. If it is slow and steady, it settles. It is necessary to teach a discipline that is love, not discipline with fear. In such a case, the child begins not to make mistakes so as not to upset the parents. They try to live the religion more so as not to hurt the mother and father. The child tries to live more of their beliefs. There will be discipline with love in it, but it will be determined, consistent, continuous. The finger-shaking parent's model is not valid in this age."

"Parents should form a horizontal coalition"

Pointing out that if the parents have the ability to solve problems by talking, the problem is solved, Tarhan expressed that "Unfortunately, our culture is a culture of 'Don't ask, don't think, obey'. In this day and age, this culture is not valid. There is a free market of ideas. In this free marketplace of ideas, ideas collide, truth emerges. If there are no ego wars at home, if the parents are not trying to dominate the father, if the father is not trying to dominate the mother, if they are both trying to seek the truth with the intention of what is the truth and what is the truth for my child to grow up well and beautifully, the mother takes one step, the father takes one step, they find the truth. Here, we advise parents to form a horizontal coalition. The two may not agree, but they can develop a common attitude towards the child. Common sense is formed. When children have problems with each other, despite the age differences, the children form a coalition and talk about their problems among themselves. If they cannot figure it out, they come to the parents. If there is a problem in the parents, they sit down and talk and develop a common attitude about what to do about this child's situation. In our culture, the mother is the internal manager of the house and the father is the external manager. We can say that the mother is the minister of the interior and the father is the minister of foreign affairs. There has been such a sharing in our culture. This is a very good job description. If the parents have the ability to solve problems by talking, the problem is solved. The most important magic concept here is patience. Haste is the thing that wears out the relationship the most."

"Open, transparent and honest communication is very important in the family"

Stating that in families that can solve problems, something is learned with each solved problem and thus the family matures together, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "Open, transparent and honest communication is very important in the family. If there is open, transparent, honest and accountable communication in family relations, problems in the family can be easily solved. Families who can solve the problem learn something with each solved problem. Each solved problem teaches something, and the family matures together. Thus, it is not necessary to be afraid of the problem, but to focus on how to solve the problem. It is very important not to run away from fear, but to think about how to manage and how to solve it. When we do this, there is an awareness of living together in the family and a sense of trust. There is a sense of belonging to the family. This is formed by warm relations. It is a place where the family environment is warm, loving and everything can be discussed. As such, parents or children come running when they come home. If there is a warm atmosphere in the house, do not be afraid at all. Many problems can be solved more easily."

"Investing in accordance with the strategic goal is managing the resource well"

Stating that children should be taught resource management, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "The word economics comes from the root purpose. If you are going to manage a resource, you must first determine your strategic goal. One has a resource and has a budget. If you invest in accordance with your strategic goal, you will manage that resource well. In the same way, in the child we have psychological capital, social capital, monetary capital, financial capital. While managing this capital, we need to manage it with the principles of resource management. In resource management, you will do input control, output control, and grow the pool. You're going to set goals. You will make your strategic investments according to your goal and draw the roadmap. According to that, you will turn your return on resources into investments and thus you will grow. Generally, budget management is the basic rule in money management. It is necessary to teach this until the child is ten years old. It is very difficult after the age of ten. Money management will start at a young age."

"Justice is necessary if we want a peaceful family environment..."

Pointing out that it is necessary to understand the concept of justice correctly and manage it accordingly, Tarhan stated that "Justice is necessary if we want a peaceful family environment. Justice is not only written on the walls of the courts. Justice is everywhere. Justice is used as the basis of property, and justice is used as the foundation of the state in Turkey. Justice is not the basis of property in the sense of real estate. Justice is justice in the sense of owner, property and owner. It is the foundation of both the nation and the state. The basis of all properties. The furniture in the house is also property, the property of the state is also property, and love is property, capital. In other words, this means that justice is the basis of capital. Therefore, we need to properly administer justice, the basis of property. Thus, we need to use justice in everything, in psychological capital, in social capital, everywhere. If this happens, do not be afraid. It is not difficult to balance the wants and needs of the child..."

"After the world becomes an electronic village, we call the family the last refuge"

Stating that the transfer of culture was previously transmitted through the family, Tarhan emphasized that social media now does this task. Tarhan stated that "After the world became an electronic village, we call the family the last refuge. Some of our traditions continue in some way, but the gap is getting narrower and narrower. That is why family is so much more important right now. Previously, the family was the one who transferred culture. Now social media is doing it. It is not television. It is social media. The formula to prevent this is to spend time together. The child does not learn from advice or conferences but learns from experiences and stories. The child learns from life events together. We learn life scenarios in childhood. The life scenarios we learn, when we grow up, we relive those scenarios at work or in the person we marry."

"Leadership is 90% learning..."

Stating that children must have an ego ideal to develop the spirit of leadership in the child, Tarhan said that "Leadership is not innate in a child. There may be a congenital predisposition, but it is not congenital. 10 percent of leadership is innate and 90 percent is learning. In other words, it is necessary to set an ego ideal to develop the spirit of leadership in the child. A child with an ego ideal develops with a leadership spirit. A child with a life purpose thrives on a spirit of leadership. The current global culture has reduced the spirit of leadership to success-oriented leadership. In other words, there is a focus on success. If you succeed, you are valuable if you do not, you are worthless. For example, it says that if you do what you like, you are valuable, and if you do what you do not like, you are worthless. The leadership in our culture is not a leadership focused on making oneself happy, but a leadership focused on social benefit."

News: Eda Nur Keçeci

 

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)