Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: "Communication starts with the soul first..."

President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan attended the commemoration program of Bediüzzaman Said Nursi on the 64th anniversary of his death. In the commemoration program organized by the Nur Science and Education Foundation and the Risale-i Nur Research Platform (RİNAP) with the main theme of "Values That Make People Human", Tarhan made remarkable evaluations. Tarhan said that Bediuzzaman realized the future needs, expectations and trends of people and developed results that would meet the needs according to that. Emphasizing that Bediuzzaman pays attention to communication values while doing all these, Tarhan added that communication starts with the self (nafs) first. Tarhan noted that Bediüzzaman, a person with so much knowledge, started his works with the words 'O my Nafs!'.

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan participated online under the title of "The Facilitating Effect of Healthy Communication on Human Values" and was moderated by Prof. Kasım Yenigün.

"Bediuzzaman always targeted Rıza-ı İlahi in his communication with the Creator"

President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that Bediüzzaman always targeted Rıza-ı ilahi in his communication with the creator and continues his remarks as follows: "Bediuzzaman's communication style is social communication, communication with society, communication with his relatives. He questions himself and his soul and opens his heart to God. He communicates with himself. It never forgets its goal, for example, when you look at social communications, it takes people into three main groups: as believers, as their own disciples, and as Muslims... He considers all three of these groups as a family, and as a family, he thinks about some issues within the privacy of the family. He does not confuse his target, friend or foe. A person has a communication with himself, his family, his professional life, his environment, and he has a communication with the creator. s Bediuzzaman always targeted Reza-ı İlahi in his communication with the Creator, and he never forgot him. He never treated any of his cases in his life as ego ideals, nor did he confuse friend and foe. Bediuzzaman is applying such a method."

"Narcissism is an epidemic form of egoism"

Pointing out that narcissism has become an epidemic globally, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "According to Bediuzzaman, there are three critical variables in this age. The first is secularism, the disease of worldism. When we talk about secularism, some people understand it in a political sense. Secularism is a form of government, secularism is a way of life, and these should not be confused. With this instinctive feeling, reason becomes dominant over idea with high feeling. In other words, worldliness comes from within. The second variant is narcissism, the epidemic form of egoism. Currently, narcissism has become an epidemic, especially among young people. When you approach a child who is currently in adolescence, even younger children, by saying, ‘Do this and that’ it goes out of spite, saying ‘you did it, you didn't do it.’ It is ego wars, between husband and wife, they try to dominate and oppress each other because of ‘what I say vs. what you say’. The most important cause of marital problems, family problems and social problems is self-centeredness. They call it self-confidence, self-esteem, to be accepted as natural. In fact, self-confidence is a good thing, but self-esteem is narcissism. To admire oneself is to love oneself. This is spreading as a global epidemic. And the third is materialism, as you know, before the threat came from ignorance, now the threat comes from spiritual life, from science. The threats to social and spiritual life came from ignorance. They did not know God, but now they say it in the name of science, they call it evolution. Here, Bediuzzaman finds solutions to all three."

"Unhappiness, depression and suicide are the crises brought about by modernism"

Emphasizing that those who seek pleasure will be alone after a while, Prof. Tarhan said that "Modernism has become a crisis of civilization because humanity's philosophy of life has changed. Since they said that the purpose of life, everything they ignored death is in this world, they chose the pursuit of pleasure as the ego ideal. A person who seeks pleasure gets sick after a while, one’s suppose gets sick, one’s child gets sick, or some other problem arises, 'My goal was to pursue pleasure. If I cannot experience pleasure, why should I?' and ends the marriage. After a while, one is left alone. Selfishness is formed, a person says, me first. In fact, a person says, ‘The family is not sacred, the individual is.’ There are couples therapists in the U.S. who work like divorce therapists. Then loneliness sets in. This loneliness is becoming a global problem. Evasion of social responsibility reveals alienation. We can say that unhappiness, depression and suicide are the crises brought about by modernism."

"A person who cannot overcome themselves cannot be satisfied"

Stating that a person must overcome themselves to be satisfied, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan expressed that "There is Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs pyramid. At the top of this pyramid was added self-transcendence. If a person transcends oneself, a person can only be human and be satisfied. A person who cannot overcome themselves cannot be satisfied. It is necessary to transcend oneself, to pursue a meaning, to be a part of a meaning, and this creates a therapeutic effect on people."

"Humanity is moving from the age of information to the age of wisdom"

Stating that the works written by Bediüzzaman are a guide in finding answers to the questions in the age of wisdom, Tarhan said that "The Post-Materialist Manifesto of Science, an international group of scientists working in the fields of biology, neuroscience, psychology, medicine and psychiatry gathers, holds such a congress and publishes a manifesto. Materialism is over, materialism does not explain everything, we have moved into the post-materialist period. Humanity is moving from the age of information to the age of wisdom. In the age of wisdom, they will find answers to questions that they could not find answers to. The books written by and the Risale-i Nur corpus are the most important works of the moment that have the capacity to answer these questions. Everyone is trying to do something about them, but there is no other example that can synthesize religious sciences and sciences as much as he does."

"Communication starts with the nafs"

Stating that for a person to be a leader, one must first become their own leader, Prof. Tarhan said that this is called neuroleadership. Tarhan said that "Bediuzzaman realized the future needs, expectations and trends of people. It develops results that will respond to the needs for it. While doing all this, one pays attention to communication values. 'Communication begins with the nafs. Embark on a journey of exquisite discovery with your soul. Know yourself, improve yourself, and then write yourself, 'O my nafs!' Even someone with so much knowledge begins his works with the words, 'O my nafs!' This is what we call neuroleadership in psychology. A person cannot be a motherhood leader, a fatherhood leader, or a company leader without being their own leader."

"It is very meaningful that Bediuzzaman persistently opposes oppression"

Pointing out that the child grows up as an introvert in a family dominated by a culture of fear, Prof. Tarhan said that "Bediuzzaman emphasized oppression a lot in Khutba-i Shamiya (The Sermon of Damascus). He dwelt on the wrongs of oppression. If there is an oppression, a narcotic father or a despotic mother in a house, the child grows up introverted. In the past, the child was insecure, introverted, passive, cowardly, and a dependent type emerged. The child could not be an entrepreneur and ask questions. It is very significant that Bediuzzaman insistently opposes oppression. Admiration for the Ottomans is understood as admiration for its oppressive culture. In Central Asia, our ancestors used to say that our khans knew, and in the Ottoman Empire, it was said that the sultans knew, as a relationship between servant and subject. The Republic also says that the state knows. Only the actors change, there is no questioning youth. There is 'do not ask, do not think, obey'. If these are present, there is no development.”

"Whatever is talked about the most in a house is the sacred of that family"

Pointing out that the transition period is gradual, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that worldliness and selfishness come to the fore. Tarhan stated that "In conflictual communication, everyone finds fault with each other. Even in the most religious family, fights arise over things. Whatever is most talked about in a house is the sacred of that family. Is it money, property, office or fame that is talked about the most? At the moment, there is so-called religiosity, so-called Islam. Formally, there is Islam, but it is hollow... Such people multiplied. This is also a transition period. The transition period is gradual. Worldism and selfishness come to the fore."

"If you put all the evil in a room, the lack of empathy will open the door"

Pointing out that there is no greater punishment than ignoring a child, Tarhan stated that "It is not a bad thing when there is conflict in the family. The worst thing is miscommunication. If there is no communication between husband and wife in a job, in a family, it is now playing prolongation, it has given up hope. For example, if a child has given up hope with the mother, the child becomes withdrawn and depressed, but if the child has not given up hope with the mother, the child will anger the mother and father and will say that I have enough value to get angry with. Therefore, the child says that I am not zero in this house, at least I am enough to get angry with. There is no greater punishment for ignoring a child. If you put all the evil in a room, the lack of empathy will open the door. Where there is no empathy, there is arrogance. Where there is arrogance, evil begins to spread."

"In communication, it is absolutely necessary to use the place of "I" instead of the language of you"

Underlining that we need to apply a positive communication method, Prof. Tarhan expressed that "In communication, it is absolutely necessary to use the place of I instead of the language of you. It is not necessary to use a questioning and judgmental language, but to be able to say, ‘If I were you, I would do this, I would do this.’ When a person uses the "I" language, the other party's sense of defense is not awakened. You do not touch a person's heart, you do not push their buttons. Here, Risale-i Nur's method of positive action is not only a method to be used in politics. There are not many words of that parable; however, there is an actual part, the example in the desert is told, the rule of look at the best of everything is explained. One who sees beautifully, thinks beautifully. One who thinks beautifully, enjoys life. You will look at everything from the positive side and evaluate it from a positive side. You will see both the negative and the positive, but you will focus on the positive. For this reason, the most important communication method in communication is the positive movement method. Positive communication method, that is, positive communication in the family, positive communication in the workplace, positive communication in social life, taking a positive attitude instead of correcting the negative in human relations..."

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)