Prof. Tarhan: "Showing mercy to the wrong person also harms you"

DOI : https://doi.org/10.32739/uha.id.44153

The murder of taxi driver Oğuz Erge in Izmir by the mugger he took in his vehicle so that he would not get cold in the cold brought the issue of mercy to the agenda.

Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that there is a saying among the people that ‘Mercy yields malice’ said that "Showing mercy to the wrong person also harms. Compassion is not an emotion that should be left unattended... Some people make themselves miserable, you help them, in fact, you encourage laziness and greed. Therefore, it is necessary to choose the object to show mercy well. "You have to think, 'Does this deserve mercy?'"

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: "In an environment where there is no compassion, people become very lonely. In the background of global isolation, there is a decline in compassion."

The murder of taxi driver Oğuz Erge in İzmir by the mugger he took in his vehicle so that he would not get cold in the cold brought the issue of compassion to the agenda.

President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan evaluated the concept of compassion and empathy.

Tarhan: "Empathy is the beginning of compassion..."

Stating that empathy is the front step and the beginning of compassion, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "Compassion does not develop without empathy. Empathy, of course, is being able to recognize the needs and rights of the other party, not just their feelings. The concept of empathy has been seriously researched in the world since the 2010s because, 'Why is evil increasing in the world? Why is malice increasing? Why is cruelty increasing?'. Studies have showed that the lack of empathy is the psychological reason behind all crimes. The lack of empathy makes people cruel, merciless, ruthless, and lack of compassion. A person who does not have empathy cannot develop a sense of compassion."

Tarhan: "The children should feel that their pain is understood because the children are suffering at that moment"

Stating that a person who does not have a sense of compassion will not be interested in the situations around them, Prof. Tarhan said that "In tests, in family expressions, 'How is the expression of emotion? How is emotional literacy? How is emotional awareness?', there are scales about this, otherwise a mother can't even be a mother. The child is upset, hurt, the mother does not care at all. It is not possible to take physical care of the child. The child should feel that their pain is understood because they are suffering at that moment..." Expressing the equivalent of empathy among the people as 'being understanding' and 'understanding the situation', Prof. Tarhan said that "Empathy is actually referred to as altruism in our culture. We have forgotten that word."

Tarhan: "The bad consequences of the lack of compassion concepts..."

Explaining that compassion scales were developed when the bad consequences of the lack of compassion concepts began to be seen when there was a global need, Prof. Tarhan said that "The perception of compassion and many values related to compassion are examined step by step with all their sub-dimensions. Compassion was developed as a motivational technique, and compassion scales and scales were developed. All this is actually due to a need. If there is a need for a subject, it causes a need and awakens desire in that subject, and awakening desire motivates and activates the person. That's how the action comes about.”

Tarhan: "Compassion brings unconditional love"

Prof. Tarhan said, "The feeling of love... You love something, but the feeling of compassion is greater than love," and emphasized that compassion brings unconditional love.

Noting that the emotional dimension of compassion is unconditional love, Prof. Tarhan said, "Compassion has a perception dimension. The perception dimension is to be able to perceive the needs of the other party... For this, compassionate attention is needed. A person will care about being compassionate. Saying that compassion is a good concept, a good virtue, a good feeling... It is not only emotion, but also virtue. Because it should be reflected in behavior, it should not remain as an emotion."

For compassion to be reflected in behavior...

Stating that there must be compassionate reasoning for compassion to be reflected in behavior and become a personality trait, Prof. Tarhan stated that "In fact, there is a study on compassion in America. The average American person is shown pictures of people with burned bodies. The average American person feels pity, but then the person avoids it. The person says it made me uneasy, it disturbed my peace. The Buddhist nun is shown the same thing. At the same time, they measure brain responses. In the brain of the average American, a sense of avoidance arises along with pity. The Buddhist monk also feels pity. After that, the area of the brain to help is activated."

The selfish person understands the pain of the other party, but...

Prof. Tarhan stated that although the selfish person notices with empathy and understands the pain of the other party, they act as 'it is not good for my interest' and said, "They understand it, they realize it, but they abandon it for their benefit. To be merciful, it is necessary to be able to sacrifice one's own comforts and give up one's own wants and needs. In an environment where there is no compassion, people become very lonely. There is a decrease in compassion in the background of global isolation."

What is the lack of empathy caused by?

Regarding the reason for the lack of empathy, Prof. Tarhan noted that "Selfishness, with one word, self-centeredness. There is global narcissism, it stems from it. They published a book in the USA called the narcissism epidemic. First, it is spreading rapidly among young people. A person says, 'I am important, and nothing else matters.'"

Noting that psychologists trained in the West say, 'The family is not important, the individual is important, if it is not happening, let it got and live your life', Prof. Tarhan said that "Currently, they do not see the family as a common institution, they sanctify the individual. They prioritize the individual, not the family. They say that 'Your interest is more important, and the interest of the family is not important.' And then what happens to the human being? What about their children? What about his wife? They do not think in that way."

Tarhan: "A person who lives alone becomes a more self-conscious person"

Stating that people learn empathy as they enter social environments and learn the limit in social relations, Prof. Tarhan said, "A person who lives alone becomes a more self-thinking person. In the social environment, people can learn empathy and learn about the rights and needs of other people. If there is a lack of empathy, if this person says I am like this, I want to improve, awareness is worked on empathy. What is empathy and what is not? What is love? What is compassion? What is compassion?"

Stating that "Presenting a top-down emotion in compassion is not mercy but playing the role of a compassionate person for people for one's own ego", Prof. Tarhan said that "Sympathy is mixed with empathy while empathizing. When someone cries and you cry with them, this is sympathy. This is where the fatigue of empathy comes in. Empathy harms the person here."

Expressing that the transformation of empathy into sympathy is not empathy, but torturing yourself, Prof. Tarhan expressed that "You will also be impartial towards yourself. You have your own rights, you have needs, the other party has rights, and they have needs. You will understand the rights and needs of the other party. You will know your own rights and your needs. Then, you will relate to somebody in a balanced way. This is something learned."

Tarhan: "Sincerity and genuineness have a contagious effect"

Noting that there are nerve cells in the brain related to the feeling of empathy, Prof. Tarhan said that "Mirror nerve cells and mirror neurons... Our brain speaks to the mirror neurons in the other party's brain. The radio speaks and communicates like the Internet... If you feel a sincere empathy with strong emotions, if it is sincere, the same areas in the other person's brain are activated. However, if you are playing an insincere, self-interested role of empathy, the mirror neurons in the other person's brain do not activate. Sincerity and genuineness have a contagious effect. It influences the other party and builds trust on the other side. That's why you cannot play the role of compassion, you cannot play the role of empathy, it must be sincere to be effective. Otherwise, it becomes ineffective, you make a naive person believe at that moment, but after a while, you cannot build trust in relationships."

While helping, the hormone of happiness is secreted

Explaining that it is seen that happiness hormones are secreted in the brain while Buddhist monks help, Prof. Tarhan stated that "The happiness hormone is secreted in itself. He sees the other party's wounds, feels sorry, and wants to help him later. He is doing something, and at the same time, the hormone of happiness is secreted in the brain. In fact, being compassionate brings something to the person, it is a scientifically and biologically proven emotion."

Stating that compassion and mercy are used in a similar way, Prof. Tarhan said that "To realize the feeling of compassion and to satisfy this feeling, people help other people secretly. However, at that moment, the person is also happy, when they see that a child is happy, that a person is happy. It is a pre-emptive reward for the person. There is a reward for being compassionate.”

Tarhan: "Compassionate people enjoy doing things for others"

Tarhan noted that In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, physiological needs are the most basic; food, drink, shelter, reproduction, then common needs with other living things, and then trust comes. Prof. Tarhan also expressed that "Then comes social things; to love, to be loved and to be safe... At the end comes self-realization. Compassionate people outdo themselves, and they enjoy doing things for others as well."

Tarhan: "Compassion is not an emotion that should be left unattended!"

Pointing to compassion fatigue, Prof. Tarhan said, "If human beings sit and grieve and cry on issues that they cannot control and are not able to do, their compassion harms them because they exceed their own strength. There is a saying among the people, ‘Mercy yields malice'. Showing mercy to the wrong person also hurts. Some people make themselves miserable, you help them, in fact, you encourage laziness and greed. Therefore, it is necessary to choose the object to be mercy well. It is necessary to think, 'Does this deserve mercy?' Should you do it if it deserves it? It is called compassionate reasoning. And that is compassionate reasoning. The feeling of compassion is not something that should be left unattended, and it is a beautiful feeling."

Tarhan: "Compassionate people are very easy to be used"

Stating that compassionate people are used very easily, Prof. Tarhan stated that "Therefore, in those cases, the person is compassionate, but the person should know the limits of their own power well. A person who knows their own limits and knows their limits manages not to be unfair to themselves. If a person is not doing injustice to themselves, a person can also succeed in using that compassion for the right purpose, in the right way, in the right way. In fact, compassion is an emotion that needs to be managed."

Prof. Tarhan expressed that “There is a good saying, ‘It is the poison that makes the medicine a medicine, and the dose that makes it a poison.’ What makes compassion a value, beneficial to the individual and society, is to be able to adjust its place, object, dose and duration well. It is necessary to be able to do it to those who deserve it. Therefore, the universal value is to be compassionate. Since it is a universal value, we need to teach these universal values first to ourselves, then to our children and relatives and use them as a value judgment."


Tarhan: "It should not be thought that compassion harms"

Stating that there is positive energy in people with a sense of compassion, Prof. Tarhan stated that "You look around these people. There are people who are virtuous, and people gather around them, even though the established system does not want them. You see, the greatest characteristics of those people are that they combine compassion with honesty."

Drawing attention to the issue of compassion fatigue, Prof. Tarhan said that "It should not be thought that compassion harms. For example, wolves that enter the pack are not shown mercy, if you show mercy, it will be wrong. The concept of mercy is correct, but if you show mercy to the wolf there, you will be doing evil. It is important to be able to use compassion appropriately and in a timely manner."

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)