Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: "Values are valuable because they lead to a purpose"

President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan participated in the 'Values Education Workshop' organized by Erzurum Güneş College. Tarhan discussed the topic of 'Qualified Communication in Values Education' in the online workshop. Talking about qualified communication elements in his speech, Tarhan pointed out that communication is actually an interaction. Tarhan said that human beings are relational beings and are not created to live alone. Stating that values education should be taught in the form of the best opportunity education, Tarhan said that "Values are valuable because they lead to a purpose.”

"Values are not given in the form of advice in this age"

Emphasizing that it is necessary to explain values education by developing methods suitable for the characteristics of the age we live in, President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that "Communication is actually interaction. In the interaction, both sides benefit. Values education is not effective if it is given like a teacher, but it is effective if it is given in the form of a horizontal relationship. Both sides are learning something. This also applies to close relationships and experiences, experiences in the family, experiences at school and experiences in social life. For this reason, values are not given by lectures o preaches. In other words, values are not given in the form of advice in this age, in ancient times, people accepted great people without questioning them, but in this age, people now question everything. According to the characteristics of this age, we need to provide values education according to its methods. When we provide values education in the classical, traditional way, it goes in one ear and comes out the other."

"Man learns about humanity later..."

Emphasizing that human beings are created as a relational being and are not created suitable for living alone, Tarhan said that "Communication means connecting. For example, there is a bond between mother and child, in the family, in gathering. Human being is a relational being from creation. Human beings are not created to live alone. Man was created as a relational being and a social being. Neuropsychologically, people are born prematurely. In other words, one is born physically normal, but mentally one is born prematurely. For example, a duck swims as soon as it hatches, as soon as a giraffe or cow gives birth to its calf, the baby shakes a little and then survives, but the human baby is not like that, it is only one year old and manages to stand. At the age of fifteen, a person distinguishes between good and bad, that is, a human being learns all of humanity later."

"Fear pushes you to lie and lowers self-confidence"

Stating that people feel the need to lie in the culture of oppression, Tarhan expressed that "The most important pillar of communication is how we communicate. In traditional cultures, until the 20th century, until the industrial age, people were always ruled by fear, autocracy, and oppression. Eastern cultures continue to do so. Since Eastern cultures continue to do this, there are a lot of lies and deceit around here. Western cultures have somehow turned this into a culture of accountability, not a culture of fear, but a culture of open, transparent speech, and thus a safe environment. People did not feel the need to lie in this way, but in oppressive cultures, people feel the need to lie. It is the same in the family. If you are going to teach honesty to a child, you cannot teach it with a culture of fear. The defense tells lies and grows by normalizing lying. The fact that many people are lying now is because autocracy has become the rule of the family. In other words, fear pushes the person to lie, lowers self-confidence and pushes the person to imitate what one considers superior. That's why it is quite important to connect in communication."

"How to obtain values mentally should be questioned"

Referring to the importance of the principle of equality to establish correct communication, Tarhan stated that "It is necessary to give equal opportunities to everyone in the distribution of freedom and opportunity in compulsory responsibilities such as time, money and education in complying with the rules of the family. The father should not always eat the best place to eat, or certain people should not always sit in the corner of the house. The sense of autonomy is also very important, and it is necessary to respect the autonomy of the other party. Every individual should feel both family and free. While conveying the experiences in close relationships, values can be transferred if there is a close relationship and experience. When values are transferred, people ask whether they live that value in their own life or not. If one does not transfer it in their private life, no one will gain that transfer. In other words, when we give values education to young people, we need to say, 'How can they mentally obtain these values?'"

"Values are traffic signs in our lives"

Pointing out that the 21st century is the period when values are needed the most, Tarhan stated that "Drugs have increased dramatically in the world, immorality has increased, lies and deceit have increased, intrigue has increased, and trust between people has weakened. In such a situation, the need for values began. For this reason, the 21st century will be the century of values, the century of wisdom. Values are traffic signs in our lives. The traffic sign does not work for itself, but the traffic sign is used to guide others. Values are like that, so values are not sacred to them. Values are valuable because they lead to a purpose. Make value judgments that will take you to important places. If you can make it so, it will lead you to the good, right, and beautiful purpose. For example, another value is equity. There should be a distribution in which everyone can feel fair about rights. The limitations on the rights of the parent should be specific. Love is likewise a value. The warm relationships created by love are the most precious bond of the family."

"Open, transparent, sincere relationships and time..."

Stating that the basic component of healthy communication is trust, Prof. Tarhan said that "In the case of Gaza, the injustices there and the fact that those people behaved like noblemen led people, who sought the truth, to read the Qur'an in tears. These people sincerely believe in a creator, and they stand up for Him, they love Him." The fact that a bearded grandfather there took the child in his arms and approached the child with compassion and with one submission to that deceased child ended the concept of Islamophobia in the world. Islamophobia has been fought for years, books have been written, we have made speeches, but it has never been that effective. The most important thing here is trust, being able to build open, transparent, sincere relationships and time... This is evolving over time.”

"When a person believes in a value, one starts to make decisions according to that value"

Stating that values create automatic shortcuts in the brain, Tarhan said that "If our body is a state, our brain is like a government. When emotion and thought are combined, they become beliefs, beliefs become values, if our beliefs continue, they become habits, and if habits continue, they become personalities. This is a six-month process, so when the thought plus emotion and belief in the brain turns into belief as if you pressed the enter key, an automatic shortcut is formed in that person's brain. What we call values is actually creating automatic shortcuts in the brain. When a person believes in a value, one starts to make decisions according to that value."

"Values education should be taught in the form of the best opportunity education"

Referring to the importance of values education in the social field as well as in close relationships and family, Tarhan said that "In the sense of privacy, it is necessary to respect the privacy, essence and sanctity of the other party. What makes a man civilized is that they can build a fence between their own cave and the neighbor's cave. Boundaries are very important, just as there are borders in apartments, apartments, villages, fields, there are also boundaries in human relations. Another emotion is to be balanced. To be determined, consistent, continuous... If it snows with a storm while it is snowing, it does not settle much, but if it falls slowly, it will settle, in the same way, if the values and behaviors are stable, consistent and continuous. In other words, people who have four seasons in one day cannot teach values to their children. Values education is important in the social sphere as well as in close relationships and in the family. Values education should be taught in the form of the best opportunity education."

"Removing prejudice is the most important form of persuasion"

Stating that persuasion is an important element of modernization, Tarhan expressed that "People who use persuasion must make sure that they meet six criteria. To remove biases, to achieve this person's autonomous desires, to provide honest, unbiased evidence-based information about the possible harms, benefit, to provide a reasonable interpretation of this information, including information about the belief set and opinions of the person who made the best decision, to use reason instead of emotion when appealing to patients' emotions to balance people's current emotional reactions. When emotion and thought are mixed, confusion occurs. People mistake emotion for thought. When one talks about emotion, a person separates emotion from thought and does not think their feelings are worth it. In this case, people do not mistake their emotions for opinions, they do not think they are beliefs, and they say, 'This feeling is not real.' We also use this in misgivings, that is, it is necessary to avoid creating prejudices and to be sensitive to changing preferences because persuasion is likely to change one's view and gaze. The removal of prejudice is the most important form of persuasion. Prejudice is a cognitive mechanism and false belief that negatively affects the patient's decision-making. This is the method in psychotherapy. It is necessary to find his false beliefs and replace them with the right belief."

"Values education is a process, not a situation"

Pointing out that happiness and peace are not the same thing, Tarhan said that "What we call happiness is pleasure right now. Peace of mind is long-lasting. Peace is the state in which a person can feel safe and at peace with themselves. Happiness, on the other hand, is pleasure, short and false happiness. Dopamine is happiness, but serotonin is about a sense of peace, being at peace with oneself. For this reason, the decrease in serotonin causes depression the most. Here, leadership styles in communication are very important. That's why we need to walk together on the path of life with our spouse, our children, the people we work with or our students. Values education is also about starting together. Values education is a process, not a situation. That's why we need to set a good example. We need to explain it in the language of the situation."

Reporter: Eda Nur Keçeci

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)