Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: "A person's homeland is childhood"

President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan was the guest of the "Physician Talks" meetings organized by the Türkiye Hospital once a month. At the meeting, which was attended by administrative managers and employees as well as the physicians in charge of the hospital, Tarhan shared remarkable statements. Emphasizing the importance of the balance of purpose, need, desire and movement in success, Tarhan touched upon the increasing divorces in recent years. Stating that single-person households are increasing like missiles today, Tarhan noted that the biggest enemy of marriage is stubbornness, egoism and selfishness behind stubbornness, people who cannot change themselves, and who have rigidity of thought. Underlining the importance of childhood, Tarhan added that a person's homeland is childhood.

"The most important feature of Kanuni was to do everything according to the procedure."

At the meeting, which was moderated by Internal Medicine Specialist Prof. Mesut Başak at the Türkiye Hospital Conference Hall, President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan talked about how he turned his family genealogy into a book in response to a question. Tarhan said that "At that time, there were 9 meters of pedigree standing on the roof. I took it and wondered if this was a memoir or if there was any evidence if there was a connection to the family tree. There were some rumors, but they had to be proven. To prove this, I kept it. There are few people in Türkiye who specialize in this genealogy. We researched it and had it translated. At the time, a ministry was established called Nakîbü'l-eşrâf. That ministry was established and at that time the genealogies were renewed and all of them were officially registered. It was there that I learned the reason why Suleiman the Magnificent was called Kanuni (lawful). That is what we call quality standards right now. The most important thing that Kanuni did was to put everything in a procedural manner and to establish everything in laws and rules for the continuation of the empire. He has put everything under quality. That’s why the Ottoman archives are incredible. I had the genealogy examined. Topkapı Palace took it, examined, and gave a written report as a cultural asset. As a cultural property, it was forbidden to take it abroad and was taken under protection. The Mufti of İstanbul has Nakîbü'l-eşrâf notebooks there. I found the connection from those notebooks. The entries in the ledger are final records. Even the land registry records were looked at many times, a connection was made, and when it was proven in that way, I turned it into a book."

Balance of purpose, need, desire and action in success...

Answering the questions of the participants, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan pointed out that for a person to be motivated, one must have a purpose. Tarhan said that "In our time, the characteristic of the older generations was to try to survive in poverty. Current generations are trying to exist in existence. That is the hardest part, why should they work when they have everything? For a person to be motivated, one must have a purpose. If one has a purpose, that person feels a need, if a person feels a need, the desire awakens, and if the desire awakens, a person activates themselves."

Before there were helicopter mothers, but now they become drone mothers...

Underlining that excessive control has been added with the new revision in the trauma meter in the program where participation is intense, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "There is a trauma meter in childhood that we apply in almost 90 out of 100 cases of psychiatry cases, and we apply it. Is there neglect, abuse, physical neglect, abuse, emotional neglect, and sexual abuse in the child? We look at it. There were five parameters. In the new revision, excessive control was added as neglect and abuse of the child. There are overly controlling, intrusive families, and we used to call it helicopter mother, now we call it drone mother. The invading mother, that is, the child enters the toilet, the mother knocks on the door and asks what you are doing there... The new version of mothers who approach the child so controlling is considered a traumatic experience in the child. It resembles to interfere with the child's every minute.”

"A person's homeland is childhood."

Emphasizing that the attitude and personality of the family are very important in childhood, Prof. Tarhan said; "A person's homeland is childhood. Childhood experiences are also the homeland of our personality. If that period in our brains was happy, it remains with such good memories. The opposite happens when you have a bad childhood. The first basic building block for a good childhood is the family. In an environment where the family is disintegrated, neither the culture, nor the homeland, nor the people remain. If you want to break up a society, do not take that society against you, for example, if you have a sack of apples and you cannot take it and carry it, just put a bad apple in that sack. After a while, the owner of that apple scatters it because it starts to rot. Those who want to make the world a single Hollywood culture by dismantling and distributing family and education do so as a project. This is also good to know. For that reason, family is very important in childhood. The attitude and personality of the parents are very important."

"Single-person households are increasing like missiles."

Drawing attention to household fragility studies, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that "Households of five people are considered intact households because the number of one-person households has increased in household fragility studies. In Türkiye, the marriage rate increases by 1-2 percent in the difference between the 2000s and the 2020s in parallel with the world, while the divorce rate increases by 53 percent, and single-person households increase like missiles, and five-person households decrease, on the contrary. Therefore, that is the case statistically. If you want to predict the future, you need to make statistics, calculations about the past. Statistics about the past shed light on the future. According to current probability calculations, if the rate of marriage and divorce in Türkiye continues the same, in 20-30 years, Türkiye will be like Sweden and Norway in terms of family life. The rate of extramarital births in Türkiye is currently 2.9 percent, and 56 percent in Sweden and Norway, 59 percent in France, 69 percent in Iceland, and 54 percent in the UK. In other words, one out of two children born is extramarital. When you look at this according to the current statistics in Türkiye, divorce in marriages is like this in 20 or 30 years. When this happens, we will be a disintegrating society."

"If love is water, respect is like its vessel."

Drawing attention to the 5 rules that keeps the family together, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "The first is love, but love alone is not enough. There is a greater part of love, unconditional love, compassion... If love is water, respect is like its vessel. If it does not have a container, the water will flow. Secondly, there is respect and kindness. Sometimes people show respect because they are afraid. Respect should not ne shown only because they are afraid, but because of the respect shown not to hurt or damage the other person. In the first one you show respect because you are afraid; however, in the second on, you show respect not to hurt or upset someone. The child would be upset if the child saw their parent’s face upset. This is not out of fear, but out of love. It is the fear of losing their love. So is the fear of God. It is the fear of losing God's love. After love and respect in the family, loyalty comes third. In other words, loyalty has an etymological equivalent in our culture. It is sıdk, that is, righteousness, and the second is loyalty to loyalty. Without righteousness, there is no commitment. That's why "marriage + good cooperation = trust" is formed. For good cooperation to occur, there must be love plus honesty. If there is love plus honesty, it becomes an open, transparent, and accountable relationship. We used to call homes a home of love, now we call them a home of trust. The family needs to be something to take refuge. The fourth is patience. It is what young people need most right now. Patience is to stand aside and wait, not to endure. Patience is to follow the speed and rhythm of nature, that is, patience is not to sit and wait, or to be patient, but to sit and be active. What makes smart people make mistakes right now is that they are hasty and impatient. The fifth rule is sincerity. The 5 rules are very important in the family. To be open, sincere. It is absolutely necessary to be able to establish an open, sincere and honest relationship with the person you are marrying. And this does not happen without a foundation of honesty. In order for trust to be established in the family, there must be no lies."

"The biggest enemy of marriage is people who cannot change themselves and have rigidity of thought."

Stating that life events experienced in childhood are things that improve the person, Prof. Tarhan said that "Even in our personality, there are clichés, mottos, they give us direction, they are thrown into our brains like a tablet. That's why our childhood experiences are very important. Children do not understand preaches and advice, they learn through experiences, and they learn through life events. We all have life scenarios that we learned in childhood, and there are actors in our life script. Mother, father, sister, aunt, they are all actors... A person gets married with those life scenarios, and after getting married, other people enter their life. That person can no longer continue with the life scenario they learned in childhood, and they must rewrite the life scenario because new actors have entered their life. You cannot make the marriage work if you say I am continuing the same life scenario by ignoring your own actors. The biggest enemy of marriage is people who cannot change themselves and have rigidity of thought. The worst enemy of marriage is stubbornness, and behind stubbornness there is egoism and selfishness. The biggest reason for the increase in marital separation is that people are self-centered. Especially the new generations do not want to make any sacrifices, and they always want the world to revolve around them. Such a generation is coming. In such a world, such a generation is coming, and this is a sign of social collapse. Here, the culture that protects its own space will survive. The global culture teaches this. If we protect our own culture, we will survive."

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)