The words that keep the trauma alive the most: ‘If only and what if”

President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan made remarkable evaluations on the fight against trauma at the 'Psychology Summit', which he attended as a speaker. Pointing out that the biggest mistake made about trauma is living in the past, Tarhan said that no nervous system can withstand this. Emphasizing that the words "if only" and "what if" are the words that keeps the trauma alive the most, Tarhan recommended that difficulties should be seen as obstacles that need to be overcome, not avoided.

“Traumatic experiences have an important role in childhood experiences"

President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan, who sought an answer to the question of whether every psychological problem is based on childhood, emphasized that traumatic experiences related to childhood, shock experiences and childhood experiences play an important role in most disorders. At the summit held online, Tarhan said: "When we look at some cases, when we apply a scale of childhood experiences, the average should be 35. This CTQ score is usually above 35. When applied to very healthy people in the society who have no complaints, it can be between 20% and 30%. If it is 35, it can also happen in people who have no complaints until 45 to 50. Just because it is a high score does not necessarily mean one has disorder. Here we have an assessment scale about childhood traumas. It is referred to as the 'Children Traumatic Questionnaire', known as CTQ. There are 5 main sub-dimensions related to mental traumas. These 5 main sub-dimensions are physical abuse, physical neglect, emotional abuse, emotional neglect and sexual abuse. There are deteriorations in these 5 main areas.

When we look at what are the deteriorations related to physical abuse, when those questions in childhood come to us, if the child says, 'I would starve when there is not enough food at home', there is a physical neglect here. For example, if a person says, "I knew that there was someone who took care of me and look after me", it means that one thinks that the person does not have trauma, that is, that they felt safe in childhood. If one says, 'In my family, they used to call me stupid, incompetent, ugly,' it means that physical abuse was intense in childhood. If one says, 'There was someone in the family who helped me feel that I was an important and special person,' then that person's score of not having emotional neglect during childhood is high. If a person says, 'I would have to walk around in torn, worn out and dirty clothes,' this indicates physical negligence. If one says, 'I felt loved,' it means that this is not emotional neglect, that is, they grew up in an emotionally good environment. Traumatic experiences have an important role in childhood experiences."

Mom and Dad love their child, but there is no expression of love...

Explaining how childhood trauma occurs, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that "There is no physical abuse or physical neglect against the child by the mother or father. They only paid for the child's basic care. Meanwhile, emotional neglect occurs in the child. There was a young man who never called his mother or father. As a result of the research, we found that there was emotional neglect and emotional abuse. In emotional abuse, you hand the cat food or not, you meow. In this way, the one who emotionally abuses the child, for example, uses love as a stick. ‘If you don't do this, I won't love you,’ the parent tells the child. In fact, they say it with good intentions, to discipline the child. This situation arouses the fear of losing love in the child and emotional abuse occurs. It is emotional or abusive of emotions. Emotionally, the child feels bad when they are being manipulated. If you have a memory that says, 'Someone in my family hit me so badly that I had to go to the hospital,' the child's physical abuse score will be high. If a person says, 'There was nothing in my family that I would have liked otherwise,' it shows that there is a trust in the family. If one person says, 'My childhood was perfect,' they are low on all scores here. When we say emotional neglect, we mean abuse, physical violence, being pushed around, but one of the most striking abuses is emotional neglect. Treating the person as if they are not at home... Asking everyone how they are, but not asking the child. The child grows up with the feeling that no one loves me during childhood or early childhood. However, parents love, but there is no expression of love. They did not stroke the child's head once, did not hold the child in their arms, but met all the child's needs. These children are people who feel lonely and lack self-confidence towards other people, especially in adolescence, usually in later ages. Most of the time, these people cannot use their talents, their life success decreases."

The person is vulnerable to trauma related to whatever the narcissistic investment is doing

Stating that the awareness of one's childhood traumas makes it advantageous, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said; "If a person becomes aware of childhood trauma, they become advantageous. In my childhood, I was traumatized like this, I was treated unfairly, if a person knows these things, they can handle it on their own. If a person cannot, then they get expert help. There are things that a person can control and things that they cannot control. In such a case, there are metacognitive treatments. Metacognitive treatments do not only reduce it to awareness, but also with the metacognitive treatment technique, that person can take refuge in a high value, a high belief system, a high power and relax in such a situation that they cannot afford and control. A person feels helpless, weak and powerless in things they cannot control. The person who says that 'I have to control everything, if I don't do this, I'm perished, I have to do this,' is vulnerable to trauma related to whatever the narcissist is investing in. For example, if the narcissist invests in their body, they think that their body should work properly, there should be no mistakes, and they should be very healthy. It is necessary to try to bring down the boundaries of the ego, it is necessary to face the harsh realities. When you do these things, the person catches their own trauma and can solve it. Here, if they confront and accepts their past trauma and then say what did this teach me, focuses on the positive, not the negative, and looks to the future and does this, the trauma will now become a kind of psychological immune system strengthened gain for that person."

"If traumas continue, they are transferred. If they do not continue, they are not"

Evaluating the possibility of traumas being hereditary and their relevance to genetics, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that There are anti-social people who beat the child and raise it, the father also beats and raises his own child, so if there is abuse, if the traumas continue for a few generations in that child, this is epigenetic, not genetic. In epigenetics, the environment alters the gene, and if one generation stays free of trauma in childhood, it is not passed on to the next generation. If it continues in that generation, it can be passed on genetically to one generation. If those traumas do not continue, genetic polymorphism is regressed because it is not used. For example, in alcohol intake, the network in the brains of people who constantly take substances is disrupted, the reward-punishment system is disrupted, and genetic polymorphism occurs because it is disrupted. If it does not continue, it reduces when it is not used, it stops producing faulty prostheses in the brain, so if these traumas continue, they are transferred, but if they do not continue, they are not transferred."

The feeling that the person is not alone causes them to overcome the trauma easily

Answering the questions of the participants from the earthquake zone, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan talked about how to overcome the fears and problems experienced when entering closed areas. Tarhan said that "Earthquake trauma and natural disaster events that develop outside of one's will that one cannot afford and control... One should not blame oneself for such an event! Of course, the rate of self-blame is lower in traumas related to natural disasters, but in some cases, such a wrong method develops. Here, the feeling that the person is not alone causes them to overcome the trauma easily. For many people who are involved in this trauma, religious coping methods work. Man is such a thing that their wishes are unlimited, their expectations and desires are unlimited, but their power is limited. We will know this, and human beings are not gods of the earth. That's why we are going to know our limits, we are going to know our ego power, and we are going to recognize our limits. Living with a narcissistic ego is nice at that moment, but when there is an illness, a disaster, a calamity, a trouble, this time you fall to the ground and fall apart. That's why it is important to be accepting. It is important to achieve it. It is very human to have those fears, everyone has them."

"The words "if only" and "what if" are the words that keep the trauma alive the most"

Answering the question of whether a person may encounter a more traumatic situation in adulthood than childhood, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said: "The path of a person is a road with stones and obstacles. Therefore, a person who aspires to challenges. Well, trauma is undesirable, but if it occurs, one should focus on how they can overcome this trauma. This is not to focus on why the trauma occurred... People who can do this overcome trauma easily. That's why the biggest mistake made by people who have overcome trauma is living in the past. In other words, they experience an event that happened 10 years ago as if it happened a few days ago. As such, no nervous system can withstand it. They live with a focus on the past and the future. What will happen to the future, what will happen to my children? What if something happens to me, what will happen to my family? They always think about the children. The words "if only" and "what if" are the words that keep the trauma alive the most. Whoever takes care of the present turns the lessons of the past into an achievement, and one makes the most important investment in the future, which is a good future. Therefore, do not live in the moment, but live in the moment. Do justice to the present but look to the future, learn from the past, look to the future but live today. When we do this, since we manage our energy and intellectual energy well, trauma turns into a kind of gain, developing trauma for us. It gives energy, turns into a psychological capital. For this reason, it is necessary to see difficulties as an obstacle to be overcome, not to be avoided, and to know how to overcome them. I recommend overcoming difficulties and having the feeling of scoring goals, it is the best fight against trauma."

 

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)