Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: "Marriage is the greatest discovery that humanity has found"

President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan gave important advice to couples about marriage at the wedding ceremony he attended as a marriage witness. Drawing attention to the fact that lifelong love is not spontaneous and definitely requires cooperation, Tarhan stated that "We say love + collaboration = lifelong love. If there is cooperation, endurance and tolerance are required in the person. Marriage is the greatest discovery humanity has ever found."

The 5 rules make marriage more durable...

President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan mentioned that the 5 rules makes the crises in marriage more durable and increases the quality of marriage even more.

Tarhan said that "There are the 5 rules, which I emphasize a lot. These 5 rules apply to everyone, not just marriage. Being able to implement this makes crises more resilient in many marriages and improves the quality of the marriage. It is both a peaceful marriage, and especially it conduces to raising benevolent children. One of the 5 rules is love. Love is important, but there is also love known as unconditional love and compassion. This love is one of the 5 rules. The second is the rule of respect. If love is water, respect is its vessel. If a person does not know their limits, that love will go to the wrong place and become useless. That's why respect is so important, and there is even more than respect. It is called kindness. A person can show respect because they are afraid; however, in kindness there is empathy, a sense of not hurting the other party, and a sense of caring. Respect in marriage should be in the form of kindness, and love should be in the form of affection. The third is patience. One of the important things that is said in marriage is patience. Of course, if life is a journey, the journey of life is like climbing a mountain. The journey of life is not a straight road, full of flowers. It is like a journey to the mountain, there are stones, there are pits, and there are obstacles. It is very important to be able to overcome these obstacles. When faced with difficulty, the ability of one to tolerate that difficulty and not give up on one's goal is what we want to emphasize here."

"Western culture sees marriage as a fight between men and women"

Mentioning that the biggest weapon in marriage of people who have developed endurance and patience, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that "Rumi says ' We do not live in the world, we pass through the world.’ If there is a test, there are questions. The calamities, diseases, troubles and obstacles that come our way in the journey of life are all questions for us. It is necessary to be able to answer that question correctly. If we can answer correctly, we can move to a higher level. For this reason, the obstacles that come our way are something that can cause us to develop in the journey of life, in this test. Every difficulty, every threat, every disease and every calamity have a threat dimension and an opportunity dimension. Some people always complain about the threat dimension; however, there is an opportunity dimension that improves the person. Therefore, the most important and needed thing in such situations is patience. This is what we call endurance training. People who can do this progress more healthily in such cases. In our culture, they are not called couples in Anatolian wisdom, they are called refik and refika. This means male and female companions. In other words, it is these concepts that express marriage best. It is a companion as you move forward on the path of life. He is not your opponent. Western culture sees marriage as a struggle between men and women. There is a teaching of modernism that men and women should dominate each other with the stronger. However, we certainly embarked on a journey on the way to the path of life in marriage. Marriage is about being a companion. It is important to be able to see marriage through this lens. Here, the greatest weapon is those who have developed endurance and patience. Patience is actually an ability, not a skill. It is not innate, it is acquired later."

"Marriage is the greatest discovery humanity has ever found"

Continuing his speech by talking about the fourth rule, Tarhan said: "The fourth rule is loyalty. Modernism's worst nightmare is infidelity. It has two important meanings in loyalty. The first meaning is devotion, and the second meaning is righteousness. It is important to be committed to our spouse in marriage; however, it is also important to be truthful. It is such a thing that if there is no honesty, that marriage does not work. Where there is no honesty, there is no healthy relationship, or even no relationship at all. That's why we say love + cooperation = lifelong love. Lifelong love does not happen spontaneously. Cooperation is definitely required. If there is cooperation, endurance is required, and tolerance is required in the person. Pairing is biological, marriage is cultural. Marriage is the greatest discovery humanity has found. Where there is no family, there is no society, there are no children, generations are ruined. For this reason, just as the family is the cornerstone of the building. The family is also the cornerstone of society. Therefore, we can only transfer our own culture if we keep the institution of family alive. If it were not for the institution of the family against these evils in the world, we would not be able to transmit this culture. Family is an important element for us."

"When trust is established, friendship and warm relationship are formed"

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan mentioned that strong emotions create trust in the brain of the other party. Tarhan said that "It is very important to be intimate in close relationships and experiences. They say that sincerity is especially important in sincere relationships. Some scientific studies conducted during intimacy have shown that when there is a strong sense of sincerity, mirror nerve cells, which we call mirror neurons, are activated in the brain of the other party. In other words, trust is formed in the brain of the other party with strong emotions, and when trust is formed, friendship and a warm relationship are formed. If there is no sincerity, there is no mirroring in the brain of the other party, and nerve cells and trust are not formed. There are studies called the neurobiology of intention. In close relationships and experiences, you will respect the other party's privacy, apology and respect. If you cannot respect that, you cannot have a balanced relationship. You are going to be clingy to people, and then you are declaring war on each other. That’s why, being able to establish that distant relationship is also valid within the family. Life will definitely have storms and difficult days in these marriages."

"It is important that the family and home become safe spaces"

Pointing out that children take three things as an example in the family, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "Kids look up to three things. They take the mother, father and relationship between them as an example. If the relationship between the parents is good, do not be afraid that the child will use drugs, be a bad child, become an atheist, become a deist. If you create a common language at home, if the house is a safe space, if it is a warm area, if the child sees the house as a shelter, if he comes home from school enthusiastically, do not be afraid, even if that child makes a mistake, the child will find the house again. That’s why, it is important that the family, the home, is a safe space. We used to call families a home of love. Now we call it the nest of trust. If there is love, fear decreases, trust increases, but there will definitely be honesty in love in the formation of trust."
 

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)