Are silent marriages evolving into a social problem?

Emphasizing the "silent marriages" in which couples do not communicate with each other, spouses do not feel strong bonds towards each other, there is a feeling of boredom and loss of emotion, and only due to external and internal pressures, experts warn that there are such silent marriages based on individual basis in the micro environment and that the increasing number of examples is now evolving into a macro problem area. Dr. Nihan Kalkandeler said that "This evolution is spreading from one household to another as if it were a contagion. The need to be 'us' is lost and children get used to their new normal as living with 'single parent' instead of getting older in the family. This brings about serious deviations and social anomies.".

Silent marriages are spreading from household to household!

Üsküdar University Department of Sociology Asst. Prof. Nihan Kalkandeler made an assessment about marriages where couples do not communicate at all, where there is no verbal or emotional connection, and their social impact.

Stating that the family acts as a bridge between the individual and the society in bringing cultural identity and values to new generations and transferring social consciousness, Dr. Nihan Kalkandeler said that it is important for family members to what extent social consciousness is at the center of life.

Couples' relationships also take their share of change

Stating that the reflections on society have also undergone a transformation in the new world order where people are becoming increasingly individualized, Dr. Nihan Kalkandeler said, "We are losing some of our values. We know that our lives are pregnant with changes, developments and transformations. Of course, the family order and the relationships of the couples also take their share from this change. It becomes inevitable that the feeling of love between the married couple will also change. The desired change is for couples to be in a loving, mature, co-growing, and thriving relationship, and this is only possible through mutual effort. As the family ties are strengthened in the home established by the spouses together, and as the feelings of togetherness are supported by an environment of trust and peace, the value of the love and relationships between them increases. The magic word here is 'sharing'. Keeping the magic of this word is such a hard work because sharing means partnership, whereas 'self-centered' individuals who are lost in a paradox that ends in individuality have moved away from the requirements of the word sharing.".

The effort to be us has tended to be extinct 

Stating that the interaction between couples today is also different, Dr. Nihan Kalkandeler said, "In the interaction order of the past, men and women make sense of each other's place and position in sharing, for example, in the presentation of the self, men and women choose to put each other forward rather than themselves. In today's order of interaction, men and women are only trying to protect their own identities. In other words, we can say that the effort and attempt to be 'us' tends to be extinct day by day. As such, the inability of 'you' and 'me' to unite and form ‘us’ comes to the fore and the effort to remain a family suffers. The scenes we act in our new practices are called ‘silent marriage' or 'empty shell marriage'.".

Marriages are ongoing due to external and internal pressures

Dr. Nihan Kalkandeler stated that from time to time, spouses do not feel strong ties towards each other, and there is a feeling of boredom and loss of emotion. Stating that marriages that are maintained only due to external and internal pressures are seen, Kalkandeler said that "Marriages are seen that are maintained in terms of social acceptance, in other words, couples prefer to stay married because their divorce will not be welcomed by their close circles, and couples are alienated from each other and live as separate individuals and individualized lives, instead, as if they are married. If they have children, marriages that are carried out thinking that they will be harmed are another example. However, are these examples a model for us when we think about social norms? It is the inevitable fact of each of us that we tend to situations that have precedent and that we draw inspiration from different experiences.".

Silent marriages are spreading from household to household

Stating that the fact that there are such silent marriages based on individual basis in our micro environment and the increasing number of examples has now evolved towards a macro problem area, Dr. Nihan Kalkandeler said, "This evolution is spreading from one household to another household as it is a contagion. the need to be 'us'  is lost and children get used to their new normal as living with 'single parent' instead of getting older in the family. These bring about serious deviations and social anomies. As we begin to lose the norms that embrace society, it becomes difficult to find positive reflections on society. It is not just a matter of keeping two people together who disagree just to maintain social norms. But if there is a disagreement, if communication within the family is on thin ice, it is necessary to use the right time to solve the crisis there."

These recommendations should be listened

Referring to what can be done to combat this social problem, Dr. Nihan Kalkandeler concluded her words as follows: "It is important for spouses to devote time to each other, to be good friends with each other, to be willing and wholehearted about sharing free time together, and to be willing and wholehearted about maintaining the commitment between them. Considering that each individual will have their own uniqueness, their own story and perspective, it is important to try to accept our spouse with their own story, even if they are our life partners, not to shape them, to be able to empathize, to make them feel grateful in our words and actions, to be able to support. It seems as I saved this to the last, but the way to be 'us' is through love, compassion, appreciation and respect. I believe that we will not normalize silent marriages as long as couples learn how to respect each other and observe each other's rights, listen to each other and do not forget the commonality of life.".

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)