Men and women experience narcissism differently...

Stating that the term ‘self-absorption’ summarizes narcissism well, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan expressed that "Narcissistic people are always fueled with praise. They always want people to praise them. When someone criticizes, narcissistic people see them as an enemy. When we look at their lives and philosophies of life, they have unlimited success, power, intelligence and superiority, but they also have a nature that desires to be admired."

Stating that the manifestation of narcissism in men and women is different, Prof. Tarhan expressed that "Narcissism in men is generally related to economic power and physical superiority. Narcissism in women, on the other hand, shows a tendency to exhibit themselves. A woman provides narcissistic satisfaction by displaying herself, attracting attention with her appearance, and receiving praise from others."

President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan discussed the subject of narcissistic personality disorder.

The term 'self-absorption' summarizes narcissism nicely

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that before defining narcissistic personality disorder, it is necessary to understand the concept of narcissism correctly, and according to mythology, Narcissism comes from Narcissus, a very handsome young man. Tarhan continued his remarks as follows: "He is so self-righteous that while all other young girls admire him; however, he does not like anyone and considers himself superior. One day, he looks at his own reflection at the water's edge, watches himself for hours, and finally dies by falling into the water because of this admiration. After his death, daffodil flowers appear in that place. Inspired by this mythological story, the term narcissism entered the psychology literature in the early 19th century. Narcissism is defined as excessive self-admiration, seeing oneself as superior to other people, and feelings of arrogance. The term 'self-absorption' summarizes narcissism nicely. It is in the sense of loving and liking yourself. However, beyond this self-love, narcissistic people also have a sense of being superior, special and important compared to other people. In addition, a lack of empathy is common in these individuals, and they cannot understand and respect the feelings and rights of others."

They exaggerate their own talents and achievements, and they live as if they are at the center of the world...

Stating that "People with narcissistic personality disorder live in a fantasy world as if they are the center of the world. These attitudes constantly manifest themselves in both their dreams and behaviors," Prof. Tarhan added that these people tend to exaggerate their own achievements and abilities, and that a narcissistic person will constantly bring the subject to their own achievements and abilities, exaggerating it disproportionately and magnifying it several times more.

They are fueled with praise...

Prof. Tarhan stated that "They are always fueled with praise. They always want people to praise them. When someone criticizes, they see him as an enemy. When we look at their lives and philosophies of life, they have unlimited success, power, intelligence and superiority. However, they also have a nature that desires to be admired. They want everyone to admire them because they attach great importance to appearance. For example, they buy a painting that no one else has, or rare flowers that only they have by investing large sums of money. In other words, they take great pleasure in being pointed at with something that is only they have, and they enjoy it."

If there is ego satisfaction, there is also 'Leadership disease'!

Noting that these people, who admire themselves, are fueled with emotion and applause, Prof. Tarhan continued his remarks as follows: "Since they see themselves as special and unique, they think they are superior and always want to be at the forefront. It is important for them to be a leader, to stand out and to be applauded. If a person is leading to satisfy their own ego, this can be called a kind of 'leadership disease'. However, if leadership is done for a goal or ideal that transcends oneself, this is non-narcissistic leadership. Narcissistic leadership occurs when a person wants to be a manager only to satisfy their own ego. If this person desires leadership not for a high ideal or an institutional goal, but to satisfy their self-centered feelings, the narcissistic aspect comes to the fore. Moreover, these people shape their sense of entitlement towards themselves with the desire to be liked and practice favoritism. This situation, known as nepotism, arises with the tendency to offer all the possibilities to those who serve them, but they tend to see those who do not obey them as enemies."

They humiliate those who do not obey them and try to destroy them with their might!

Explaining that narcissistic people give everything to those they love and obey them, Prof. Tarhan continued his remarks as follows: "They even offer these people the opportunities they have even without benefit. They perfectly manipulate others for their own benefit. They speak differently at each table, and when circumstances change, they immediately change their minds. They use intelligence, beauty, means, and love to hold power, and they can even play a modest or genuine role when necessary. They expertly play the role of genuine person and manipulate people using body language in an expressive way. When you observe these behaviors, you notice that they are extremely variable. People with narcissistic traits affect people in the short term, but in the medium and long term they lose trust and are isolated by society. These people lack empathy, they are unable to understand the feelings and needs of others, and they are insensitive to people who are suffering. Even when they apologize, it is usually not a sincere apology, but part of a role. They play all kinds of roles to achieve their goals and are quite jealous. They are either jealous of others or think that everyone is jealous of them. They also show great disrespect for those who do not obey them, humiliating them and trying to destroy them with their might."

Narcissistic personality and narcissistic behavior should not be confused

Noting that due to these characteristics, many schools of psychology define this situation as 'pathological narcissism', Prof. Tarhan stated that "Otto Kernberg, one of the representatives of contemporary psychoanalysis, calls it pathological and immature narcissism, while Heinz Kohut, one of the famous psychologists, defines these people as 'tragic people'. Seen as tragic, catastrophic, or malignant people, they act like a cancer cell. A cancer cell is a malignant cell, and it grows, destroying all tissues for its own benefit. In the same way, when such people have power in the family or in their environment, they control and enslave everyone around them. When they hold economic power, family members obey them, but children can harbor deep hostility toward them. This can lead to a rebellion against the father or mother, running away from home, substance use, or committing a crime. These types, who are generally known as arrogant, are also known as narcissistic people among the people. However, narcissistic personality and narcissistic behavior should not be confused with each other. We can all exhibit narcissistic behavior from time to time at some point in our lives. However, the important thing is to be able to recognize these behaviors and change them with the sincere criticism of a friend."

The feeling of narcissism is innate in the child as a basic urge

Stating that the feeling of narcissism is innate in the child as a basic urge and is accepted as a natural emotion, Prof. Tarhan expressed that "Children see themselves as the center of the world and invests their love in their own ego, that is, their sense of self. However, as children grow, they begin to invest their love first in their mother, father, siblings, then in their toys, their environment and heir school. As they grow older, they invest their love in their identity, their country, their homeland, and ultimately for creation, humanity, and the creator. In this way, as the person matures, the investment of love expands and becomes a matured individual."

Narcissistic personality disorder is sometimes referred to as 'psychological death'

Stating that Freud called schizophrenia "secondary narcissism", Prof. Tarhan said that "In secondary narcissism, the person makes the narcissistic investment in themselves again. After schizophrenia, the individual begins to live in isolation in their own world. They wage wars against themselves and become indifferent to the outside world. This person, who lives in a separate reality, can only survive with such a psychotic defense mechanism. Otherwise, it is in danger of being completely torn apart spiritually. This is why narcissistic personality disorder is sometimes referred to as 'psychological death'. The person is considered psychologically dehumanized, almost spiritually dead. If society does not set limits and say 'no' to such people, these people can break up families and companies with the power and opportunity they have. Narcissistic individuals are one of the biggest causes of divorce. This is true for both men and women. For example, men's narcissism manifests itself in the form of oppressing the other party by using their economic power. Narcissism in women, on the other hand, usually occurs with a narcissistic investment in their physical appearance. Women may pay extreme attention to their physical appearance and attract attention with seductive outfits. This is a form of sexual narcissism. Their libido is directed towards their body, and for example, when they get a pimple on their body, they can go into a major depression."

The manifestations of narcissism in men and women are different...

Noting that the manifestation of narcissism in men and women is different, Prof. Tarhan stated that "Narcissism in men is generally related to economic power and physical superiority. Throughout history, men have used these powers to increase violence against women as a result of narcissism and cause domestic problems. Narcissism in women, on the other hand, shows a tendency to exhibit oneself. A woman provides narcissistic satisfaction by displaying herself, attracting attention with her appearance, and receiving praise from others. Men, on the other hand, get this satisfaction by showing strength, shouting and yelling. In both cases, narcissistic satisfaction is involved. Narcissism is satisfied as long as the woman exhibits herself and the man uses his power. These two different forms of expression reveal exaggerated forms of narcissism. We may all have narcissistic tendencies to some degree, but we need to keep these tendencies in check at all times. Narcissism manifests itself when we cannot control it and exaggerate. Narcissism is kind of like nuclear energy. When properly controlled, it provides life energy, but when left uncontrolled, it explodes, disrupting relationships and pushing the person into loneliness. Therefore, narcissism is an indestructible energy, but it needs to be managed."

Narcissism stems from self-consciousness

Pointing out that human narcissism stems from self-consciousness, Prof. Tarhan stated that "One of the most important features that distinguishes humans from other living things is that they have self-consciousness. For example, for a cat, dog or monkey, there is no consciousness that asks questions such as "Who am I?", "Why do I exist?", "How am I different from other living things?" Activities such as building civilization, creating social relations, creating art, literature, music, philosophy and religion are unique to human beings. Man's psychological needs are infinite, but our power is limited. The fact that our needs are endless, and our power is limited can push people to exaggerate this limited power and try to reach their needs."

"We all have narcissistic needs. What is important here is how these needs are met."

Noting that one of the theories of narcissism is about the way a person meets their narcissistic needs, Prof. Tarhan said that "We all have narcissistic needs. What is important here is how these needs are met. Narcissistic needs are associated with a person's feeling valuable and important, self-respect, having a good position in society, correctly understanding and accepting their place in the universe. However, self-perception and self-worth are different things. If a person's self-perception is excessively high, that is, if they consider themselves superior and important, but their self-worth is low, the difference between these two situations, that is, the 'narcissistic gap', widens. In this case, they begin to see themselves as bigger than they are and take on a narcissistic personality structure. On the other hand, if a person can see themselves as they are, with their pros and cons, make self-criticism, embark on a journey of inner questioning and discovery, then they can control his narcissism and this person will not be a narcissist."

We need to manage our narcissistic needs in the right way

Stating that we need to manage our primitive and wild emotions and narcissistic needs correctly, Prof. Tarhan continued his remarks follows: "We must meet these needs not with false applause or misleading means, but by making an effort, working and using the opportunities we have in the best way. Narcissistic needs are natural, but it is important to know the difference between self-confidence and self-esteem. Self-righteousness is narcissism. To ignore flaws is to praise oneself in an exaggerated way. However, self-confidence is the ability to see both the positive and negative aspects of the person, and to create a philosophy of life by focusing on the positive aspects while trying to correct the negative aspects. A person who can do this is able to manage their narcissism. Narcissism is like a wild horse inside of us. If we can tame this wild horse, it will lead us to our goal. But if we do not discipline it, the wild horse will take control and drag us where it wants. Therefore, we need to be able to say 'I am the boss' to the narcissistic energy within us, and to use our own self-consciousness to manage this energy. Interestingly, the word 'politics' comes from the root 'groom'. A groom is a person who disciplines a wild horse. Politics, too, refers to one's ability to govern oneself, whether economic or social. For example, it is also a policy for a father to lead his family. It involves producing a strategy related to family, company or social life. By using this initiative correctly, people achieve their goals."

If a person resorts to lying, that person is a malicious narcissist

Prof. Tarhan expressed that "The thing that best educates the narcissistic aspects of a person is that they have goals." Tarhan also added that "While achieving these goals, which we call the ego ideal, it is important to choose benevolent ways and reject malicious ways. For example, if a person resorts to lying, that person is a malicious narcissist. However, if they can push away lies and evil, it means that they can control their narcissistic tendencies."

Stating that it is important to develop the ability to manage primitive and wild emotions, resilience, social and emotional skills, Prof. Tarhan said that "However, today, the capitalist system feeds narcissism. Narcissistic individuals work, produce, and contribute to the economy by fluttering and tearing themselves apart. The global system glorifies consumption and is based on irresponsible, unlimited production and consumption."

Explaining that the questioning of narcissism has increased in the Western world and that lessons such as mindfulness have started to be given in schools, Prof. Tarhan concluded his remarks as follows: "It is important to start the education process from primary school in order to correct narcissism. Children should be taught self-education and self-discipline rather than selfishness. Young people should win their first victory against themselves and be successful in educating themselves."

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)