Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: “There is crisis in family but there is also solution…”


President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan made remarkable evaluations on the topics of "Youth, Family and Education" in the "Family with Yasemin Turan" program broadcast on AKİT TV. Likening the family to the building block of a building, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that there is no society where there are no families. Tarhan stated that "The family, the environment where the basis of personality development is formed, is the most valuable part of the social fabric. Yes, there is a crisis in the family today, but there is also a solution..."

"The family is the environment where the basis of personality development is formed"

In the live broadcast he attended, there is a crisis in the family, but there is also a solution, and likening the family to the building block of a building, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan noted that society is not formed where there are no families. Tarhan expressed that "The family is a fundamental institution for both the individual and the society. They are the building blocks that keep a building standing. The building blocks of society are the family. We define a person's childhood as one’s homeland. The homeland of a person's personality is childhood. This situation occurs in the family environment. Where there is no family, childhood does not develop healthily. The family is the environment in which the basis of personality development is formed. In terms of the individual and society, they are the building blocks that make up the society. If there is no family, there can be no society, and a person cannot be a social being. Family is the most precious part of the social fabric. A child's first teacher is their mother. Then, their father comes. And then the school comes.”

"Saying, ‘Geography is destiny’ is an invitation to laziness..."

Mentioning that saying geography is destiny invites laziness, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "Predeterminism is understood as laziness. However, the environment, the place where he was born, has a role in being fateful. Those born in Afghanistan are not born in the same conditions as those born in Türkiye or America; however, a person can change these conditions if one wishes. Thoughts such as 'The place where I was born is my destiny, let me stay like this' constitute a completely wrong paradigm. A person can change it if he wants to, but he cannot change it if he surrenders. If one objects, one changes, and one questions… In many discoveries it has already been so. True destiny is the fate that arises after the choice made by man with his free will. If you accept it, it is also a choice, but otherwise, it will be laziness of thought. People do not want to question, and because they do not question at all, they make people accept it by saying, ‘You were born in this geography, fate.’ However, man is a being with a projection of the future. They have the right and responsibility to change the present for the future and for the present. For this reason, geography and destiny are invitations to laziness."

"Children take life events as examples..."

Pointing out that the events experienced in childhood remain as a core in the soul, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that "It cannot be such a model of a man who does not sit down with his child and talk to them, who does not hold his child in their arms? In such a male model, the child is trying to grow up more under the influence of the mother. The mother, like both the mother and the father, raises the child. Between the ages of 0-3, the mother is primarily responsible. The father is not an ineffective element in such cases. The child also has a lot to take from the father. If 50 years ago you were raising a child and you were spending half an hour with the child, now you will spare an hour. Children look up to life, not lectures or preaches. A person learns life events as an example. In other words, the events one experiences are written as a life scenario in one’s subconscious. For example, life scripts were written in childhood. If there is rigidity of thought, the child cannot rewrite the scenario of life. Because the actors have changed. For this reason, the experiences learned in childhood are thrown into our lives and souls as a core. In the future, we will make it suitable according to the conditions."

"It is necessary to teach the truths we have with scientific methodology"

Mentioning that education experienced in real life is more beneficial than education with verbal language, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said stated that "Education is important; however, setting an example is the main solution. The best education for the child is the education made in the language of the state. Not in the language of words. Learning by experiencing and experiencing the learning from books is the ideal learning. People accept the facts that we have with scientific methodology without prejudice when they are taught by forgiving, and gratitude. If you do not teach scientific methodology, people will not understand it because you do not use the method of this time. While teaching knowledge to children, it is absolutely necessary to teach the facts we have with scientific methodology within the official curriculum."

"It is necessary to raise good people in order to leave a future for future generations"

Drawing attention to the use of technology today, Tarhan said that children can use technology correctly with parental supervision. Prof. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that the last refuge of children is the family and continued his remarks as follows: "Right now, we said the family is the last refuge, but now the family has an open door. Its open door is also a smartphone. In the safe environment of the house, the child most often goes to unsafe places. If there is no parental supervision in the child, if you do not teach the child digital literacy, that child will be a slave of the digital world. In the future, it becomes the child who defies the mother and father. That's why you are going to make time for the child here. Is raising a good son less important than building a good building-apartment? Not. If we want to leave a future to future generations, we need to raise good people. Raising a good person is more important than building a good road, factory and infrastructure."

"The most important thing is that the house is a warm and pleasant environment"

Informing about the transition process to adolescence in children, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that "The kid goes into reverse identity. For this reason, the generational conflict in children actually needs to be a little. Adolescence is a period when children question. After the age of 10, they begin to question. They object. It is a period of protest, and it is a period of gang age. After that, they seek false pleasures on the outside and look at the false beauties. They look at those fake lives on TV and emulates them. If the parents can talk about this with their reasons, this is the plus, this is the minus, then the child thinks that my parents were right, even if they try one or two after a while. The most important thing is that the house is a warm and pleasant environment. It is an area of trust.”

"Parents are responsible for the education of the child"

Mentioning that families should share responsibility for the development of the child, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "If the father wants his child to grow up well, he will not only play the role of husband in such situations. He will not only remain in the role of a businessman. He needs to show the role of husband and father at home. Between the ages of 0-3, there is no substitute for the mother, or the grandmother who replaces the mother, our culture covers it in some way. After the age of 0-3, the child goes to kindergartens for at least half a day, one day after the age of 3. They are starting to socialize. It is a good thing the child starts to socialize, otherwise the child becomes a TV kid. When you go there, you start learning with friends. Both the mother and the father are responsible for the education of the child."

"Marriage is not a competitive relationship, but a complementary relationship"

Emphasizing that the biggest problem in marriages recently is ego wars, Tarhan expressed that "There is a middle ground in marriage. If one step is taken, one step will be taken, and they will find their own solutions. That's why there is no such thing as someone educating someone. The most common battle we have in marriage right now is ego battles. There are power struggles like what I say, or what you say, my money or your money, my mother or your mother... However, marriage is not a competitive relationship. Marriage is a complementary relationship. In other words, they will go by completing each other's deficiencies. If one side is always self-sacrificing, the other side begins to see it as a right. However, both sides need to be in a fair balance. That's why we always think that justice is within the walls of the courts. Justice is at home. Love and justice are required for healthy communication within the family."

"Love, value, share"

Stating that the language of "I" should be used instead of "you" when talking to children, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "Parents keep the child's spirits up. There is a slogan here that we have made our motto, that is, 'Love, value, share'. Mother should apply it. Let them love, value, and share. When you do that, that child feels valued. At the same time, one sees their mistakes and tries to correct them. For example, the child whose personality is praised becomes a narcissist. However, the child whose behavior and efforts are praised reinforces that behavior. If you criticize your personality while criticizing, your child's self-esteem decreases. With children, it is necessary to use the language of me instead of the language of you."

"Someone who is not open to criticism cannot improve themselves"

Emphasizing that the best learning environment in the human brain is a fun and disciplined environment, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan also made evaluations about cultural changes and aesthetics. Tarhan stated that "The best learning method for the human brain is a fun and disciplined environment. If there is no fun, a person cannot learn only with discipline. Therefore, learning by experience is learning by playing. In other words, it is the essence of current brain-based learning. For example, the right brain is emotions, excitements, music, art are also related to aesthetics. Left brain is logic, reasoning, analysis are related to speaking. The forebrain balances the two. As a person matures, the forebrain develops. An ideal person develops himself by benefiting from the experience of a smart person. The average person learns by trial and error, but life is not enough. For a person to have intellectual faculties, one must be open to criticism and questioning. When someone criticizes, they should try to understand what the truth is and why they are criticizing. Someone who is not open to criticism cannot improve themselves."

"Türkiye is currently experiencing identity confusion"

Pointing out that Türkiye has become an intermediate culture, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that Türkiye can modernize by preserving its own culture. Tarhan expressed that "We are experiencing a bit of cultural change right now, we have become an intermediate culture. Examples in these intermediate cultures are numerous. In other words, there are many types of people in my country. The biggest reason for the formation of people in my country is that we have moved from a culture of oppression to another culture of oppression. We are in a period of transition. At the moment, Türkiye is experiencing identity confusion. There are those who marginally defend the past culture. There are those who defend modernism in a marginal way. There is a big mainstream in the middle. It is tripping in the mainstream. One can realize modernization by preserving their own culture."


Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)