Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: “What is ideal is to be able to build a lifelong faithful relationship with one person”
Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the reason for most of the divorces was infidelity and pointed out that the man was genetically polygamous and the woman was more inclined to be monogamous. Tarhan stated that "This makes the man more likely to commit the act of cheating, but it is not justifiable." Tarhan said that it is the biological basis for a woman to be able to continue the marriage because she has more monogamous tendencies.
Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that one of the most basic obligations in marriage is the 'obligation of loyalty' and defined infidelity as 'not complying with the obligation of loyalty.' Prof. Tarhan said that " If a person says, ‘I will both marry and live how I please,’ and there is no obligation of loyalty. That person does not have marital maturity either. We recommend such people not to get married, because they cannot get married,". Tarhan also added that the children raised by these people would not be healthy.
90 percent of the reasons for divorce in the USA are infidelity...
Prof. Tarhan continued his remarks as follows: "Generally, the biggest reason for stormy marriages is infidelity... Cheating is now modernism's nightmare. There is a serious increase globally. This reduced the desire to marry. It brought out the extramarital life. It caused unwed relationships. Ninety percent of the reasons for divorce in the USA appear to be infidelity in official records. In Türkiye, this figure is not even 10 percent because it does not reflect the reality. Things like severe incompatibility and spiritual incompatibility are mentioned because it is a situation that our society does not accept ... That way, they end up quickly in a consensual divorce."
Men are genetically polygamous
Stating that some people are not inclined to cheat, Prof. Tarhan stated that men are genetically polygamous and women are prone to monogamy. Prof. Tarhan said that "Polygamous, that is, being with many people... Because a man produces billions of sperm in his lifetime. However, the number of ovaries of a woman is 400. This is something that is biologically and polygamous for the continuation of the human race, something that exists from creation as a biological mechanism. This makes the man more prone to cheating, but this is not justified. The man has a greater risk in this regard, at the point of practicing loyalty. There is also a biological basis for a woman's ability to maintain a marriage in such cases because of more monogamous tendencies."
Loyalty is also essential for human happiness
Prof. Tarhan said that "What is ideal in human happiness is to be able to establish a relationship based on lifelong loyalty with a single person," and added that a lady who said "I am a fighter for feminism" answered the question "Where is the comfort of a woman?" as "A relationship based on lifelong loyalty to a man." The coupling is one thing, the marriage is another. The coupling is biological, the marriage is cultural," Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said, underlining that since it is cultural, one third of the marriage is biological effects, namely hormones, and the rest of the marriage is social learning and cultural. Noting that the object of the tendency to love varies according to culture, some love nature, some love money, some love power, some love the opposite sex, and some love the creator, Prof. Tarhan stated that "The feeling of loving is basically present on both sides; however, if couples can direct this feeling of loving to each other, they can achieve."
Risky behaviors can be managed
Drawing attention to the fact that a person can manage their risky behavior if one has marriage maturity, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "For example, he does not do chear his wife, but he takes risks in business life, he takes risks in social life. The person is able to do this by maintaining marital ties. Therefore, in such cases, it depends on the free will of the person to which area this risky behavior will shift. It is taught by society, culture and family.” Emphasizing the importance of secure attachment, Prof. Tarhan also explained that managing attachment in marriage is to manage marriage.
"If he is involving with pornography, that is virtual infidelity."
Referring to the types of infidelity, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said: "There are four or five types of infidelity. There is emotional infidelity, there is sexual infidelity, there is both emotional and sexual infidelity. And then there is the new Internet infidelity, virtual infidelity. For instance, what happens with virtual infidelity? He involves with porno. If he is dealing with pornography, that is a virtual infidelity." Prof. Tarhan stated that the people who get married at first get married in a good way and then the woman devotes herself to the child and the man devotes himself to the job, and the bond between them weakens and the emotional distance occurs, and said that "They come together and leave, in the same house, but the emotional distance occurs. For example, when this distance occurs, there is pulling away from each other. If the person does not close that distance when there is a feeling of pulling away emotionally, especially women, begins to feel lonely. She begins to question her husband's loyalty. If they are a jealous type, the woman or man is checking their spouse’s phone this time. They control everything, inviting what they fear even though nothing happens. If one constantly lives with this fear, a person invites what they fear, we call it a self-fulfilling prophecy."
The male brain and the female brain work differently
Prof. Tarhan stated that the male brain and the female brain work differently in infidelity, and that sexuality and eroticism are more prominent in the male world, while romance is at the forefront in the women's world. Prof. Tarhan, who stated that the man forgets and does not show interest towards their one-night stands and that the woman is waiting for a phone call the next day, said that "Usually hunter men provide romance but they want eroticism. For example, hunter women also provide eroticism, they want romance. It provides balance, but that's what connects men and women." Noting that people should be able to say 'I did everything I could to keep the marriage going before I decided to divorce', Prof. Tarhan said that "The level of marriage, individuals are not sacred, but family life is sacred. It is the area where one feels safe." Prof. Tarhan stated that the concepts related to marriage have changed and that modernism has changed the importance and priorities related to marriage, and that a pleasure-oriented philosophy of life has emerged, and some people continue their marriage for the peace of home without their pleasure.
Pleasure is temporary, but peace is long-term...
Stating that the feeling of pleasure is temporary and peace is long-term, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "Orgasm, which is the highest pleasure feeling, lasts for a maximum of 8 minutes. So, it is temporary for this reason. Pleasures are always temporary; however, peace and well-being are permanent, and they are long-term." Stating that there are 2 decisions related to marriage, one of them is a decision to get married and the other is a decision of divorce, Prof. Tarhan said that "You cannot get divorced from being parents because a divorce only applies for being husband and wife. Parenthood of children continues. Therefore, for the sake of the children, parents should be able to come together. In other words, if divorced parent can come together for the sake of the children, it is a healthier divorce."
Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)