Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: "Narcissism is like onions and garlic"

President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan discussed the subject of "Narcissism" in detail in the 71st issue of the Journal of Milli Şuur (National Consciousness). In his interview, Tarhan pointed out that narcissists' sense of conscience is directed at themselves.

Here is Nevzat Tarhan's remarkable interview:

What is narcissism? What are the causes?

Narcissism is not a disease, but it is a personality disorder. It is also popularly defined as the grandiosity disorder. However, narcissism personality disorder falls into the personality set in which the sense of empathy, which we call the five types of personality disorder, is lack of empathy. That is, its main characteristic is the lack of a sense of empathy. A narcissistic person has a sense of grandiosity. The second main feature is the inability to understand others. This is a lack of empathy. Thirdly, there is hypersensitivity to the evaluations by others, for example, criticism. If these three traits are present, they form the main framework of narcissism.

The primary narcissism is seen in children. Children's narcissism is called primary narcissism. Children think that the world revolves around them, and they have invested love in themselves. It is also characteristic of narcissists. Narcissists invest love in themselves. Therefore, their biggest organ is their ego. Children are also same. When people are born, we invest our love in ourselves. As children grow up, they act according to their inner impulses, as they are open to learning everything. They do not know anything else. They separate the world into two dimensions as: themselves and the one who gives confidence and cares them. They think me and my caregiver, that is, my mom. They establish an attachment relationship with their mother. If one establishes a secure attachment relationship, a person grows. The primary narcissism in children gradually learns the rules, social norms and moral norms under the influence of the family, environment and culture, and narcissism somehow turns into life energy for them. In other words, narcissism is actually a person's life energy. I mean for a child... A person who does not have life energy becomes depressed. They would have no interest in life, and they would have no interest in anything. What we say is that the joy of life is gone, in fact, a person who is depressed does not even love themselves anymore. Therefore, one has the energy to live. When the energy of living is abused, one is reduced to their own world, which can also be called the energy of love. When a person invests this energy only in their own ego, narcissistic personality disorder emerges. However, as one grows up, they make this investment in their environment, family, and society They invest in their country, humanity and the creator. In this way, the person who makes the narcissistic investment in the right way manages their narcissism. In other words, narcissism is like a wild horse inside us. If we discipline this wild horse well, it will lead us to our goal. What happens if we do not discipline well? It makes us lose our way in the streams of selfishness.

What is the risk of narcissism in people who are raised in a self-centered, benefit-oriented manner?

The thing that feeds the narcissism of narcissistic people the most is the lack of accountability in people. In other words, when a child grows up, accountable to the mother, accountable to the father, then accountable to society as one grows, accountable to the teacher at school. Being an exam, being accountable in the exam, determining the rules and limits in life that are limited according to social rules and norms in life. Then there are three kinds of justice in such a situation. This concept of justice does not develop in narcissists. Their sense of right, their sense of justice is directed towards themselves. Their sense of accountability is that they think, and I do not answer to anyone. After a while, this sense of accountability, this positivist secular education, everything in man is in this world and inorganic substances have created human beings. Since inorganic substances are not held accountable, you are accountable to the law. If you do not comply, you will pay the price. You are socially accountable to societal norms. If you do not adapt to society, you will lose. If you do not follow your own interests, but a sense of responsibility to your own conscience, you would feel conscientious because conscience is a feeling. In narcissists, the sense of conscience is directed at themselves. If these narcissists are self-interested, conscience easily overlap. If narcissists have a sense of accountability, if they have a jury in their conscience, if they have an inner guard in their conscience, then narcissists also have a sense of accountability. This controls narcissism.

Does the Positivist Secular education system have an effect on the upbringing of narcissistic people?

If positivist education does not teach moral doctrine and conscientiousness, that is, if it causes moral evil in people, positivist secular education feeds narcissism. However, in positivist secular education, the feeling of shame is very important. For example, the Japanese maintain their own culture with this sense of shame. Because of this feeling, they commit suicide when they commit a social crime. In other words, even though there is no legal obstacle, they can commit hara-kiri because they made a mistake in the construction of a bridge. It is about the feeling of shame. It is formed by social norms. In these conscientious norms, for example, in ancient Greece, in Isparta, stealing is allowed unless caught. That is why it is called the period of ancient ignorance. It is okay to steal there. It is recommended that people up to the age of 25 walk around without clothes. For the satisfaction of aesthetic visual pleasure. Something like that, I mean, what is the Olympics of that thing that was called the gods on the earth at that time? That is how the gods of the Olympic Mountain appeared. Zeus, Athens, etc... This is how it turns out. In other words, they conceptualized and symbolized these desires and impulses in man. They have come to worship them. They are creating their own philosophy of ancient age.

Now, in cultures where there is no sense of accountability, narcissism becomes uncontrollable. In other words, the critical word here is the existence of a sense of internal accountability, accountability to society, and accountability before the law. Therefore, in the definition of moral evil, their inner sense of conscientious accountability becomes a feeling that can be bought in some people. In other words, if there is no sense of conscientious accountability, if there is no invisible higher power, if there is no belief in a higher will, and if there is no sense of accountability after death, that person can lie when the conditions are met. When conditions arise, one can behave in a narcissistic way. For example, they do not want to be a martyr in a war. Why? In other words, a person whose only capital is life, a person who does not believe in life after death, does not become a martyr when one is stuck in war. A person does not fight because they have no thought of martyrdom. They are not fighting. The greatest risk of secular education arises in people the fear of fighting. Because the fear of death arises. Because there is no belief in life after death. Therefore, secular education is education that is presented as having only worldly life. And it feeds narcissism. In other words, the biggest reason for the spread of narcissism globally is the rapid decrease in the sense of accountability in people compared to previous years. Freedoms are perceived as irresponsible. People say, "I came into the world once, and I will do what I want.”

I will never forget that there was a young man who was using substances. He is an educated young man, and he was studying at the university. The parents are high bureaucrats. I asked him, 'Your family does not want this substance. It is also a crime, and it poses a risk for your future. Why are you using it?' He answered, 'I came into the world once. If I am not going to live what I want, why should I?' It is all pleasure-oriented. In other words, the pleasure-oriented system weakens the sense of accountability and conscientious norms because one becomes self-centered. One started to think as ‘What I like is good, what I do not like is bad. What I feel like is good. What I do not want is bad.’ By thinking in this manner, modernism changed the concepts of good, right and beautiful. The biggest reason for the change of modernism is the positivist education systems all over the world. In other words, man has formed such an ideology. This is Nietzsche's view. Nietzsche says, “Man is a being formed for his own self-interest. In societies, then, they are people who work for their own benefit. They are working institutions in societies. Everyone has to work for their own benefit." Hitler takes that and says, 'Then we must work for the benefit of our own race,' and he comes up with the Nazi doctrine that formed the doctrine of the Second World War. He does this with reference to Nietzsche's quote. Therefore, this is very significant, that is, it has changed the global morality of man. Nietzsche's in this and that age, not only Nietzsche, but all the philosophical currents in that age secularized humanity; therefore, stealing is free unless they are caught, saying that the market has no morality, saying that weak people and old people are no longer useful to society, they should die... For example, Nietzsche's approach says, "Benevolence increases the cost of business." I mean, why should we always help people, the sick and the weak? It led to the approach of saying let them die. Of course, this approach is being questioned a lot at the moment. However, we can say that we have started to see the bad results of such a secular system, the secular education system.

Does moral decay affect narcissism?

Narcissistic people have a self-directed morality. A narcissistic person feels that the world is only for them. For example, if we think about what is in the imagination of narcissism, there is power, fame, authority, dominance and lust in the imagination of a narcissistic person. In other words, there is money, and there is wealth. There are always such features in the world of imagination. In their imagination, narcissists do not have a dream world such as being useful to people or working for the high social benefit of people. Someone whose imagination is like this, and it is morally bad. Because these people always work for their own benefit. Even in a home, they exploit their wife and children. They are the ones who exploit everyone where they are. In other words, narcissism constitutes the moral dimension of colonialism. A narcissist is a person with a colonial morality. And this malicious. Thus, narcissism and malevolence are brothers. In other words, moral decay triggers narcissism.

What kind of behavior does the contradiction between social morality and individual morality cause in people?

When there is a contradiction between social morality and individual morality, one must question it. In other words, it should be evaluated as which one can create good, excellence, right and wrong norms among itself and create moral norms by contradicting society or society. In other words, it can try to change society and its own moral norms. For this reason, universal moral norms should be taken as a basis here. In the published manifesto of universal moral values, there is an approach such as doing to others what you do not want to be done to you. One needs to look at whether these norms are in line with the general norms or not. If the norm of the society is contrary to universal values, in such cases, the person should question the social norms together with the reasons.

What is the training of narcissism like?

Decency has two dimensions. One is education, and other is training. In other words, if we think of discipline as education, discipline is the education of the development of behaviors. One thing in education is to increase one's learning knowledge. In other words, it is the ability to produce a social crop by developing itself. For this reason, these two are referred to as education and training. Moral relation, of course. Discipline is about educating one's own behavior. If this is what is meant by upbringing, it means educating one's behavior, establishing one's behavioral norms. To know where to stand, to know where and how to sit and get up, to be able to laugh when everyone laughs, to be sad when everyone is sad, that is, to be in harmony with society. In other words, this is necessary because man is a social being. If you laugh in an environment where everyone is crying, you will be contradictory. Therefore, there are some diseases in which the social and emotional skills of the person do not develop. For example, there are disorders such as Asperger's syndrome and non-verbal communication disorder. In them, the person is not able to learn social and emotional skills. Their mathematical and logical intelligence can be very high. In fact, these people can be geniuses but socially awkward. For this reason, it is important to be able to process oneself like a sculptor and to discover one's own inner world. For this reason, when there were dervish lodges in the Ottoman period, those who went to the dervish lodges to learn science were first called ‘edep’. First learning behavior, then learning. If a person who does not have behavioral training does not learn knowledge, if one learns knowledge, they can use that knowledge for bad purposes. They can use it to their advantage. In other words, the first thing about discipline is awareness. Recognizing your own strengths and weaknesses and being able to go by reinforcing your strengths and training your weaknesses. In the current modern psychological approach, this is called self-consciousness, or self-management.

What is violence, what are the types of violence?

When we talk about violence, for example, there is the Arabic word for violence. The word "darp" (beating) includes the meanings of coup d'état and making a revolution. There is also compulsion from the word beating. For example, not letting a person, a child out of their room. For example, if you imprison a person or a child in a room, this would be “darp”. For example, not letting them out of the house is a form of violence. There is enforcement. There is to set a limit on that person, to limit one’s behavior. Is that considered violence? Not necessarily in the sense of physical violence. There is emotional violence and there is a restriction of freedom. It is also a form of violence. Therefore, what we understand by violence is important here. If we understand physical violence, it is different, but there is economic violence, not physical, for example. There is emotional violence inflicted on the child, such as not giving their allowance, not giving their money, not giving their pocket money. Making them beg is emotional violence. Emotional neglect ensues. Dislike, for example. When raising a child, parents need to give love to the child. Just as they will give carbohydrates, protein, bread, cheese and olives for their children’s stomach, they should also give love and compassion for their emotional development. Failure to do so forms emotional neglect. Emotional abuse occurs. In fact, we see the consequences of this as childhood trauma in later ages. There is violence, physical violence. In other words, this happens in the form of physical violence, physical abuse. Such as beating the child with a belt, scaring them with a fire, slapping them, these are physical violence. Then there is physical neglect. This is also a form of violence. For example, starving the child. Leaving it outside in front of the door is also a neglect too. This is also a form of violence. Negligence is accepted. Then there is emotional abuse. In other words, teasing and humiliating the child emotionally in public is this emotional abuse. Needling children about something or speaking sarcastically is emotional abuse. Emotional neglect is not meeting the emotion, psychological, emotional needs that he deserves. It is always the cause of trauma. Then there is sexual abuse. There is sexual violence. These are all types of violence. In economic violence, for example, using its economic power as a stick. For example, using the power of money as a stick here, disciplining it, is economic violence. Using the power of love as a stick. Saying, 'I will not love you if you do not do this,' is emotional violence to a child. It is abuse. It is emotional abuse. It is an abuse of love. These are all types of violence.

Since narcissistic people cannot understand others, their sense of entitlement is directed at themselves. For example, let's say a narcissistic person… Well, I was reading in a news article in the newspaper. A young man was driving on Baghdad Street when a driver wiped the windows of his car and pulled him to the side of his car. While trying to put his car together, he comes and hits it and dies there. When passing by such a flat car, they immediately take it to the police station. Many reports, cops, and so on. Everyone is saying something like this. Then the kid says, 'Why are you reacting so much? "It is a driver who is dead. They are just a driver after all." You see, there is no empathy at all. So, he also has children. He is also a father, and he works there to earn. He is also a human being. I mean, he does not see them as a person. 'What is going to happen? There is one less population in the world, why is there so much?' but he cannot empathize if the same thing is done to him. This is a typical narcissistic example. This normalizes violence. That's why there is a cause-and-effect relationship between violence and narcissism in the world. Who is the greatest narcissist, the biggest narcissist of the global twentieth century, the one who caused the biggest war in the world? It is Hitler. He is a narcissist. He has racial and ethnic narcissism. Such narcissists, these narcissists in political leadership, say, "I either succeed or I die." They fight to the death. They can also succeed because they take a lot of risks. They succeed. If they succeed, they become heroes, if they do not, they become traitors. Therefore, many narcissists have become heroes because they have been successful in history. Like many pharaohs and so on. However, when we look at what they did, for example, Nero burned a town for an egg. To cook egg… He was cruel, that is, Rome, has already maintained its empire through the use of violence and force. In those times in the Roman Empire, women were seen as objects. It is given from the father's house to the husband's house. In other words, when her husband died in India, she also died and was set on fire. They do not see women as human beings. It was a culture that treats women like an object. Even during the French Revolution, it was discussed whether women were not human beings. At such a time. In other words, in such a period, for example, for the first time in the Qur'an and the Prophet's century, women were given many features of human rights such as the right to inheritance, the right to law, the right to judge, the right to divorce, and the right to travel. In the history of humanity, women's rights were gained three times more than those rights were gained at that time, but the West realized this after the French Revolution and started to take them. But before that, it existed. That is why violence in the Islamic world is often related to the oppression of the weak. It is considered cruelty. Cruelty is the equivalent of justice. Cruelty is a narcissistic personality trait. These people are cruel. Narcissists have cruel traits. A cruel person can shake people to do what they say. They can commit violence and sees it as their right. They do not bother at all. They are not disturbed by their conscience. They do not feel remorse. They do not feel any sense of remorse. They do not feel any remorse and immediately forget about it. In other words, they have not developed any sense of compassion at all. That is, they come out and do these things sincerely. Therefore, as narcissism rises, so does cruelty. The personality disorder that most impairs the sense of justice is narcissism. If narcissism and anti-social are combined, criminal types and serial killers emerge.

The biggest cause of domestic violence is narcissistic spouses. When spouses are narcissistic, you are either mine or you will die. What is it? This is a narcissistic statement. He refuses to accept the divorce, says you are mine or kills her. This is narcissism. There is no other explanation.

Globally, especially in adolescence, there is a book called the narcissism epidemic. In other words, narcissism has increased in an epidemic form. Narcissism is a global epidemic. This epidemic is the smaller thing of the pandemic. When you spread all over the world, it is called a pandemic, but epidemics are more local epidemics. A book was written in the style of "There is an epidemic of narcissism in America". In other words, it is increasing, especially in young people. Narcissistic people like to call themselves smart and capable. These types of people work hard. They are success-oriented. The capitalist system loves narcissism because they say I will succeed or die. Because they earn, they consume. For example, they do not want to wear the same dress every day. They often change cars. They pursue such luxury, but according to the type of narcissism. If narcissism is a business-oriented narcissist, it saves very well. However, in commercial competition, it competes with death. They are success-oriented. To achieve success, they play the role of modesty if necessary, and if necessary, they wear the same dress for months. To achieve your goal. That is why the target of narcissism there is, but narcissism in young people is different.

What are the duties and responsibilities of mothers, fathers and educators to prevent the increase in violence among young people and children?

Narcissism in young people manifests itself in the form of laziness. Because they got a lot of things easily, they said, 'Why should I work so hard, I came to the world once. I have tasted everything,' he says. In other words, he says, 'I have tasted all kinds of flavors, I still taste them, but I am still not happy.' They say, 'Then why should I live?' and commit suicide. In other words, a narcissistic person is always worried. Narcissistic people are anxious, they are not happy. The reason why they cannot be happy is that they always have high expectations and goals. They do not want to die. They think they have a right to everything. For example, if someone does not greet them, they are very uncomfortable as to why they were not greeted. For example, if one stops them in traffic, that is, if a narcissistic person was stopped, they can easily say anything.

I recently saw it in a video in traffic. The young girl is stopped by the police. Young girl says, 'Do you know my father?' And that cop gives her a great answer, saying, 'Why did not your mother tell you who your father was?' The narcissist person comments as follows, 'Look, the guy made fun of me.' She immediately informs her father. She asks her father to punish the police. If someone there is aware of narcissism, if they know that it is wrong, there is a possibility that it will improve. In that case, one says, ‘It is not right for me to say that. I received such feedback. This is wrong. Why did I say it like that, so I should not say it that way from now on?’ And they will question and corrects themselves. Awareness occurs, and they correct themselves. That's why it is necessary to say no to narcissists in a good manner and with a reason. The moment we do not say, narcissism grows. When we praise the personality of narcissists, it grows again. Their ego is being inflated. That's why when you say to the narcissists' mistakes, you do this and that thing well, but you do it wrong, the narcissist gets angry at that moment but accepts it later. That's why if narcissists are successful, everyone praises them around them. Narcissism continues to grow, and the person begins to see themselves as the god of the earth. They become a narcissistic earth god who is unaccountable for them. In other words, they are a deified, and self-sanctified individuals in human disguise.

Is there a relationship between morality and narcissism?

"Narcissism is like onions and garlic"

The word for narcissism in our culture is the word arrogance. The word narcissistic personality overlaps very well with the word arrogant personality. In other words, arrogant people, people who are known to be arrogant in our society, are actually narcissists. It doe not matter if they look and act modest when they need to. Narcissism has a peculiarity. Narcissism is like onions and garlic. In other words, if one eats onions with garlic, they can rinse his mouth as much as they want, brush their teeth, it still smells. The coldness of the narcissistic is immediately apparent. Narcissistic people fall cold where they are. The way they look at people, their micro-gestures, their gestures all reflect their arrogance, and arrogant behavior. However, some people can cover it very well. There are people who are able to empathize towards a goal, especially emotionally and socially. They can camouflage their narcissism, there are manipulative narcissists. In other words, when necessary, they are called hypocrites in our culture. Hypocrites are also narcissists, for example. The hypocrite is actually selfish in business. They have goals. They have sanctified themselves well, but they change their identity to achieve their goal. This is a dishonest narcissist. Therefore, hypocrisy is the worst example of immorality.

In the Holy Quran, there is an emphasis on the word hypocrite rather than infidelity. That is why many people cannot understand these hypocrites because they speak differently at each table, and because they give syrup according to each pulse. They are understood late and are the type that poison people. A narcissistic personality is a toxic personality. Toxic personalities are poisonous personalities. Some of them are clearly toxic. Some of them are sweet on the outside and bitter on the inside, and these people are narcissists.

How can narcissistic people educated?

We train people with the ability to make self-criticism. We train self-questioning skills. Because of an incident he experienced, he asked, 'What percentage of this incident is you are responsible for, and what percentage others are responsible for?' If he manages to be neutral towards himself, he will cure their narcissism. In other words, it is to look at yourself in others’ shoes. For example, a judge may be angry with the prisoner for his own feelings, but he may say, 'This anger is a result of my feelings or past traumas. I have to be objective here,' and if he is impartial to himself, I think this judge is the ideal judge. It is wisdom.

What would be your suggestions for raising moral and honest people, not narcissists?

"The solution to narcissism is wisdom"

As a person becomes wiser, one disciplines their narcissism. Let me also say this. Narcissism has now emerged in artificial intelligence, and I think narcissistic robots will emerge as autonomous robots. You know, narcissistic autonomous robots are self-learning robots. These artificial intelligences are these people because if they are not taught, a robot can make a narcissistic personality very well. Very narcissistic, it can find and direct information to guide people. Robotic narcissism is the biggest reason why robots are likely to disrupt ethical values in the emergence of humans. Robotic narcissism can occur. Therefore, it is necessary to teach robots moral norms. Robots can easily make the world uninhabitable for their own benefit. In other words, those who write robots for themselves must write an ethical constitution program for them. We are heading towards that direction because it is seriously robots going to do things. The wisdom of humans will prevent the possibility of robots becoming malicious. Wisdom cannot be made by a robot. A robot cannot do it by itself. It is necessary to teach it. Right now, robots are focused on competition. According to more information, these robots serve according to supply and demand. Therefore, robots are like a child unless we demand to be moral. They would not be moral. A child will not be moral unless one teaches the child to be moral. Unless you expect a person to be moral, that person will not be moral. Therefore, the system of society needs to expect people to be moral, and it needs to educate and teach this. If we do not teach this, global peace is at stake in our future.

 

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)