Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: "People are trying to live alone in order not to experience conflict!"

President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan discussed the topic of "Why Does a Person Become a 'Difficult Person'?" in the program "Door to Reason with Prof. Nevzat Tarhan" broadcast on Dost TV and Dost FM. While emphasizing that narcissistic people are the most difficult people, Tarhan pointed out that even the most difficult person can change. Emphasizing that global loneliness leads to depression, Tarhan stated that "The epidemic of narcissism in the 21st century has led to an epidemic of loneliness. People try to live alone in order not to commit crimes, not to have conflicts with others. The reason behind this loneliness is related to the weakening of the culture of living together."

"Difficult people are people with narcissistic personality disorder"

Regarding the concept of difficult people, Tarhan said that people actually create difficulties on their own and evaluated the types of difficult people as follows: "What is difficult for you is not difficult for someone else. It is easy, they get along very well. It takes a thief to catch a thief. When my husband says he is a very difficult person, we try to understand why one is difficult. In fact, the person is causing a significant part of what one calls their own difficulty in the background of that difficulty. That is why we need to understand very well what we mean by difficulty. The most well-known difficult people, and very common in this age, are people with narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissistic people see themselves as special, important, superior. They feed on praise, they are closed to criticism, and they are incapable of empathy. A person who wants to live with such a person must agree to a slave-master relationship. In other words, if you become their slave, they will protect you, will glorify you, will praise you. Personality types that glorify self-allegiance are narcissistic personality types. People, who want them to obey them blindly, want a slave-master relationship."

Leadership at work is one thing, and leadership at home is another...

Stating that if there is a difficulty in the family, children will be adversely affected by this situation, Tarhan said that "A businessman's role at work is not the same as his role at home. It is normal for him to have an upright stance at work, to be clear, to say no to people with determined rules; however, the role of father at home is not the same as the role of a businessman. The person in the role of father at home cannot be like the commander, like the boss. We need more transformational leadership, and we need companion leadership. Leadership at work is one thing, and leadership at home is another....

Children make their first investment in love...

Mentioning that education is important for children not to become narcissists, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan underlined that praise and criticism of children should be done correctly. Tarhan stated that "The first narcissistic being in the world is the child. If the child is not educated, they will become a narcissist. If a person is not educated, they will become a narcissist in the natural course of life. It is called primary narcissism in children. The child makes the first love investment in themselves, as one grows up. Children make investment in their toys, their brother, their father, their neighbors. As children grow up, they do this investment in their friends, and as they grow up, they make investment in their homeland and nation. As one matures, a person reaches the level of self-realization and self-transcendence, but a person invests in existence, life and love for the creator. If one can do this, then they are managing their love. It means that they share the object of love fairly. Every person tends to be selfish if they cannot do that. Every human being is created with an infinite predisposition to be selfish and infinitely benevolent. If you praise children’s personality with criticism, they become a narcissist, but if you praise their behavior and efforts, they become a hard worker. Let's praise their efforts, the positive things they have done and their good behavior."

"The duty of parents is to guide the child"

Stating that humans learn life later than other living things, Tarhan expressed that "The duty of the parents is to guide their children. If the child can do this, the child begins to learn the differences between good and bad, right and wrong, useful and useless, safe and unsafe. The human child is born psychologically prematurely. Humans are born prematurely and learning about life outside. The duck swims as soon as it hatches, but a person walks at the age of one, and at the age of 15, one distinguishes between good and bad, right and wrong. Whether a person is benevolent or malevolent is related to the environment in which they live and their social environment. The brains of humans and all living things are programmed for life and survival. If you throw a person into the water, they will immediately want to get rid of it. If you throw every living thing out of its natural environment, it will want to be saved. Because the mental programs of humans and other living things are programmed to live. Since animals do not have the consciousness of death, they are born, they die, but they are not aware that they will die. A person knows. One knows life that they will die. People learn to think symbolically, conceptually and abstractly. While people learn these thoughts, they learn the good and the bad in the way of life from the environment."

"Being a good person is the rent of our existence"

Mentioning that the biggest organs of people with narcissism are their egos, Prof. Tarhan said that no one is superior to anyone. Tarhan stated that "Narcissism is the self-sanctification of oneself. One’s biggest organ is their ego. They see other people as the other. The person says that I am a special, important, superior person from others. However, no one is superior to the other. There are children, people with an IQ of 50-60, even they should not be looked down upon. Because everything that is unique is original. Everything that is original is unique, everything that is unique is special, nothing special is compared. People are created equal from birthright and opportunity. Some are rich, some are healthier, some are more handsome, or some are ugly, but everyone is created equal in rights and opportunities. This is where the real race begins. The exam paper is not the same. People are faced with the test of whether they are good people or not. It is not about whether they are rich or powerful or not, but about being able to accumulate good things in their life when they come to the end of their life. Therefore, being a good person is the rent of our existence. Being a good person is not something to be proud of, it is not a virtue. Being a good person is our basic duty and responsibility."

Global loneliness breeds depression

Explaining difficult personalities with examples, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan started that "There are three examples that we use for psychological resilience to understand difficult personalities: Some people are like sponges, they absorb everything, they cry, they complain all the time, they complain about everything. When you go to that person, their negative energy affects you. They are always unhappy, full of heart, anxious, restless, they cannot be happy. The people we call Teflon type say what they want, shout, scream, burn whoever comes into contact with them, but they do not burn themselves. Although they seem quite comfortable, but they are actually not. Against difficulty, the sponge at least stretches, but teflon cannot stretch, it breaks and disperses. In other words, those people suffer narcissistic injuries in the face of a major crisis, they commit suicide. They say, ‘I either succeed or I die.’. They do not accept it, they break it, and they are not flexible. Some of those people run away from society and become lonely just so as not to be hurt or offended. The narcissism epidemic of the 21st century has caused an epidemic of loneliness. The reason for this is that people try to live alone in order not to commit crimes, not to have conflicts with others. The reason behind this loneliness is related to the weakening of the culture of living together. Global loneliness also yields depression. The third is the healthy personality, rubber people. These people are people who have psychological flexibility. It is rubber, it stretches, absorbs stress, gets back to its former state and learns something. Rubber is a model that can learn. They take easy positions and change. People who are like this are psychologically sound people. They absorb it again, they manage it, and they go back to the way it was.”

"We need to understand the reasons for being angry..."

Mentioning that stubborn people reflect their feelings with anger, Tarhan stated that "Stubborn people are the hardest. Narcissists are also stubborn. Obsessive perfectionists are also stubborn. They are closed to criticism, and they have a sense of 'I know everything'. Because of those stubborn traits, they have strict rules. Because they are not mentally flexible and have rigidity of thought, those people get angry, express their feelings with anger, change them, and prefer solitude. It depends on your personality structure. It is necessary to understand why angry people get angry. It is necessary to look at which rule has been damaged, which principle, which principle has been broken. It is also necessary to remove danger from oneself. Behind some anger is fear. There is a fear of the disintegration of psychological integrity. There is a perception of harm and threat. In some, there is jealousy, guilt and regret, that is, it is necessary to resolve the anger of the person by understanding the idea behind it. An angry person is not able to express their feelings. Most angry people are not bad people. When one understands this situation, 50 percent of it can be improved."

"Even the most difficult person can recover"

Stating that paranoid people also fall into the category of difficult people, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that people who are open to self-change and accept criticism can improve. Tarhan stated that "One of the difficult people is the paranoid. They are skeptical and have insane looks. They do not speak, or they speak very little, and they feel like every word they say will be used against them. They cannot trust anyone. It is the biggest enemy of close relationships and experiences. When these people are investigated, they are children who were overly disciplined and raised by fear in their childhood. Life has been raised to be unsafe, to trust no one. In this way, people who have been raised with fear and insecurity since childhood tend to be paranoid in old age. These people also fail to educate themselves. A person can be raised like this in their childhood, their parents can raise them like this to protect them, but there are also good people in life. If a person has the capacity to question and improve themselves, and they can correct their childhood traumas. Their childhood is traumatic and troubled, but they enter adolescence, and they are open to changing themselves, criticizing, questioning, learning new things, even the most difficult person can recover."

"Start changing the world from yourself"

Emphasizing that people should see their life as a capital, Tarhan said that "Start changing the world from yourself. Instead of correcting others, fix yourself first. People who do not want to change themselves try to mold others into the shape they want, such as sculptures. Such people are difficult people. If a person is open to learning new things, if one has mental flexibility and intellectual flexibility, no matter how difficult they grew up in their childhood, one asks, "What did this event teach me?" They see their past and experiences as an experience capital, as well as the present as a gift and the future as an investment. Therefore, this is the basic principle of psychological resilience. A person who does this can change themselves."

"We will travel for the rest of our lives"

Mentioning that life is a journey, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan talked about the importance of people choosing this journey themselves. Tarhan stated that "Life is a journey. On this journey, new opportunities will come our way, threats will arise: however, we will travel for the rest of our lives. The better savings we have on the journey, the more we make our investment correctly, the more we will have pros and cons at the end of our lives. If you stop while riding a bike, you will fall over. You will not stop like that on the journey of life, and you will constantly work towards a moment. The purpose of other living things is genetically determined, but it is left entirely to oneself since the purpose of man is free will. If your own ego ideal is good and if you set yourself high goals and high meanings, be sure that every difficulty is overcome in some way. Even difficult people can get along with. Difficult people are angry and selfish. There is no such thing as you cannot get along with them. There is definitely a way to get along with such people. Therefore, every person is like a palace with a hundred doors, even if one’s world is ninety-nine doors closed, walk around a little and one will find one open door and enter."

 

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)