Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: “The family ship moves forward with effective communication”

President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan attended as a speaker at the event titled "The Power of Family in Disaster and Crisis" organized by Kocaeli Mufti Office. Emphasizing the 'common goal' of the family in his speech, Tarhan said that even though the family members have different characters, they should sail like a ship to the same destination with effective communication. Tarhan said that “If we compare the family to a ship, the passengers on this ship, namely family members, prioritizes the good condition of the family ship. Then, it comes to the well-being of parents and children. If there is this in the family, people with different characters can come together for the sake of the family in line with the common goal. Even if the husband and wife have different characters, they can talk, find solutions to problems, and if they include the children, this ship will move forward well.”.

“The place where people feel safe is the family”

On Instagram live, Tarhan mentioned the importance of the support of the close circle, especially the family in crisis situations, Tarhan underlined that there has been a great increase in suicide rates with the disappearance of the family in the West. Tarhan said that “Crises and disaster phenomena are equivalent to traumatic and shock experiences in psychiatry. It is expressed as a person's encounter with an unusual and compelling negative event. In such a situation, the first feeling that arouses in the person is the feeling of fear and horror, and one feels alone. The person first searches for a safe place to connect. The place where a person feels safe is the family. The value of family is very clear in the times like these. People's close relationships and close relationships are very important in such cases, and they are the periods when they are very useful. Even if a person does nothing, having someone who will hold their hand and guide and support them when they need something creates a feeling as if they are holding on to a board while they are drowning in the sea. A person feels like they have lost some control and found a branch to cling to. That close relationship is like a strong rope for that person. In this way, it gives confidence, relaxes them and provides an easy way to overcome the crisis. In times of crisis, the family is much more helpful. If there is no close support in the crisis, there will be many suicides. There are examples of this in the West. There is an economic crisis, for example, there is an invisible insurance system in our culture, which is 'Family insurance.' In other words, when there is a crisis, a person’s uncle, aunt or relatives thrust out their hands and help their relatives to get out of that crisis somehow. Even if the nuclear family is not able to do so, a person is taken care of, supported and loaned by the extended family; therefore, the person is saved. However, suicide cases are very high in crisis situations since there is no family in the West. There are also many suicide cases in elderly crises, and the most important thing to prevent this is that the family is strong. For this reason, as family ties weaken, suicide cases are increasing globally, and I predict it will increase even more.”.

“The fact that Family is a safe space is about secure attachment”

Explaining the view that perceives family as unnecessary in the modern age, Tarhan talked about the possible harms of this view. Tarhan said that “Right now, according to the way the world is going, especially popular culture claims there is no need for a family. It sees the family as a hindrance, and there is a trend not to get married especially for young people. What happens as a result of this? One feels lonely and anxious about the future; therefore, the increase in suicide cases is highly anticipated. After a while, they will say that family is very important to us, however, they may have lost many people before they realize this. The fact that the family is a safe space is related to what we call secure attachment. The person feels secure against the object to which they are attached. There are three types of communication: healthy communication, conflict communication and non-communication. The worst of these is miscommunication. Even if the conflicted communication is negative, even if the tone of voice rises at home, it means that there is an effort to fix something there, and something is being done even if it is crippled. However, that relationship is now playing prolongation if there is a miscommunication. For this reason, trying to communicate is better than no communication. Human being is already a relational being, not created to live alone in this world. In close relationships, in family relationships, there is a complementary relationship, not a competitive relationship. One sees the other's shortcomings, tries to make up for it, and does not try to dominate or defeat each other and to let that person down. If this happens in close relationships, there will be no peace. In close relationships, a complementary relationship is established, not a competitive one.”.

"Family members are like the passengers of a ship moving towards a common destination”

Emphasizing a "common goal" in the family, Tarhan said that family members should be like the passengers of a ship going to the same destination, even if they have different characters. Tarhan stated that “Comparing the family to traveling on a ship, the passengers put the well-being of the ship of family first. Then, it comes to the well-being of parents and children. If there is this in the family, people with different characters can come together for the common goal for the sake of the family. Even if the husband and wife have different characters, they can talk or find solutions to problems, and if they include the children, this ship will go well. That's why we recommend family sessions. However, this session will be a relationship of equals. Fear is dominant in families with peremptory relationships. Where fear dominates, emotions such as self-development, self-confidence, entrepreneurship, curiosity and discovery become blunt. For example, weak people want strong leaders so that they can be comfortable. However, this time we live in is not a person's time, a person can make mistakes no matter how smart they are. The ideal success is team success at this time, even companies say it. Instead of falling apart as it multiplies, it is necessary to integrate as it multiplies and falls apart. The solution to this is communication, and this requires common goals. In family communication and company communication, it is necessary to go forwards with people having different characters in a similar way for the same purpose. Therefore, there is no uniformity or totalitarianism in the family, and there is no such thing also in the company or society. Approaches as ‘you will be in my mindset or you are my enemy’ are not the truths of this age.”.

“Traumas such as earthquakes are an opportunity to strengthen family ties and social ties”

Stating that after disasters, the need for attachment can be solved by the family, Tarhan touched upon the two dimensions of disasters, which are threats and opportunities. Tarhan stated that “The need for attachment increases after disasters such as earthquakes and traumas. This is actually the case in family communication. Every trauma, every disaster has a threat dimension and an opportunity dimension. The face of threat is fear, the feeling of dread. We have all experienced these feelings after the earthquake. Opportunity aspect is the opportunity to strengthen family ties and social ties and to increase the sense of compassion and cooperation. In other words, crisis and disasters are an opportunity to develop our human values. We call this 'Post-Traumatic Growth' in psychology. If a person perceives the trauma correctly, one becomes wiser after the trauma. According to the results of the post-traumatic growth scale of people after experiencing a disaster, some results emerge such as realizing the value of what they have and realizing the value of their relatives. A person says that I will be more helpful towards people from now on, I have understood the importance of spiritual values. A 40-50% increase have emerged in people regarding this. This is the opportunity and gain dimension of trauma.”.

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)