Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: "It is not difficult to speak the same language with young people!"
Noting that there is a sort of mental jury in the frontal area of the brain that makes decisions such as do, do not do, appropriate, inappropriate, beneficial, not beneficial, safe, unsafe, right, wrong, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that "We make these decisions every moment, every second. Writing, speaking, each action is actually a decision-making process. In young people, however, this decision-making process is not fully matured. During adolescence, emotions are more dominant than reason."
Tarhan emphasized that speaking the same language with young people is not difficult, saying, "When raising children, a gentle discipline is needed, but this discipline must be firm, consistent, and continuous while it should be a discipline that includes love."
President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan addressed the topics of youth and reason.
Reason and Free Will
Prof. Nevzat Tarhan expressed that the characteristic that distinguishes humans from other living beings is having reason and stated that "Other living beings may have consciousness; however, having reason is something different. Reason is related to free will. When a person faces good or bad choices, they make one of them. In making this choice, they use the frontal lobe, the front area of the brain. A feeling arises within, or something is heard from outside, and an evaluation process begins in the brain regarding this situation. In the frontal part of the brain, there is a kind of mental jury that makes decisions like do or do not do, appropriate or inappropriate, beneficial or not beneficial, safe or unsafe, and right or wrong. We make these decisions every moment, every second. Writing, speaking, every action is actually a decision-making process. However, in young people, this decision-making process has not fully matured. During adolescence, emotions tend to dominate rather than reason. The left brain is the rational brain and is involved in functions such as logic, reasoning, analysis, speaking, and calculating, while the right brain is more emotional and deals with areas such as emotions, art, and music. Moreover, the limbic system, which is the deep lower brain, deals with instinctive functions such as eating, drinking, reproduction, and sheltering. The prefrontal cortex evaluates and decides based on the needs coming from these three areas. However, in adolescents, this process has not yet fully developed."
The Prophet’s Saying on Adolescence
Prof. Tarhan, referencing UNESCO’s definition of adolescence as being between the ages of 15-25, explained that during this period, individuals experience an identity crisis, searching for answers to questions such as "Who am I?", "Where should I go?", "Why?" Tarhan continued his remarks as follows: "The term 'normal schizophrenic period' is used in the literature to describe adolescence. A young person can experience mood swings like the changing seasons in a single day, and they may be different in the morning and completely different in the evening. Sometimes they make sudden outbursts, get involved in events, and later regret it. If such behaviors were exhibited by a 40-year-old, it could be considered a clinical case. Something I read on this topic really surprised me: In one of the Prophet’s sayings, it is stated, ‘Adolescence is a branch of madness.’ This completely aligns with the modern literature's definition of the ‘normal schizophrenic period.’ Therefore, the Prophet’s words 1,400 years ago emphasize that we should not expect the maturity of a 40-year-old from young people. This is why the term ‘delikanlı’ (literal translation: man with mad blood) is used in the public. Expecting the maturity of a 40-year-old from young people would be unfair and could lead to the deterioration of relationships."
Young people have the right to make mistakes!
Emphasizing that speaking the same language with young people is not difficult, Tarhan stressed that "young people have the right to make mistakes." Tarhan added that "Young people have the right to experience mood swings and cope with ups and downs. They are trying to find a balance between reason and emotion and are trying to understand life. This is similar to a child learning to walk who takes a glass of water and spills it. As parents, we might think this is mischief. However, no, this child is actually learning to develop their muscles and gaining experience in the process. Similarly, as young people develop, they look around and try to find what is right, they react, and they experiment. If we do not set a good example and teach them the right standards, social, and family norms, they will learn the wrong things."
We teach children the boundaries of life
Prof. Tarhan also pointed out that one of the most common situations today is families where the child is the leader of the household and stated that "Parents have fulfilled every desire of the child, have not provided discipline, and have not set boundaries. When the child reaches adolescence and does not get what they want, they start breaking things. The parents remain passive, giving love with good intentions but failing to teach the standards of life and instill discipline. We then try to treat these children in hospitals, working on behavioral development. We teach them the boundaries of life. Most of them are good-hearted, pure, and beautiful children, but they do not know the rules of life. That’s why adolescence is truly a challenging period. During adolescence, a young person suddenly defies their parents. Therefore, we should see this attitude of young people as an inclination to question and seek. We should not think, ‘Oh no, they have gone off track, and the youth is lost.’"
The head of the household should be the parents
Prof. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that the parents should be the leaders of the household, and Tarhan stated that "The parents should use a common language. Children and young people model three things: the mother, the father, and their relationship. If the parents use a common language, children may try to challenge one parent, then the other, but they will eventually see that both parents speak the same language, and they will accept it. We must also make the home a safe space. If a child feels that they will be interrogated or judged when they return home, like they are going to court, they will want to escape the home at the first opportunity. We often go overboard with criticism. When a child does two good things but makes one mistake, we focus on the mistake instead of recognizing the good. Instead of confronting the child and correcting them, we should take them by our side and progress together on the path of life. We need to be a companion on the life journey."
Children are approached with commands
Prof. Tarhan also mentioned that children are often approached with commands and expressed that "We behave in a commanding way, giving orders. This leads to a backlash, especially with today's children, as they are very attached to their freedom. The child develops a contrary identity when faced with authoritarian parents. If the mother says A, the child does B. The child subconsciously enjoys seeing their parents get angry."
Family holds an important place in our society
Prof. Nevzat Tarhan pointed out that according to research on young people, in Türkiye, 69% of young people feel that they trust their family the most. Tarhan added hat "In our society, family still holds an important place. However, the same statistics show that 25% of people believe the institution of family is unnecessary. This is a very high rate. From the perspective of young people, the family remains the place they trust the most. This shows how important the family institution still is for young people. Therefore, parents should give their children the opportunity to be the captains of their own lives. Parents often make the mistake of doing their children's tasks for them. A child should make their own decisions and handle their own life. Parents should guide them and be a mentor. This way, children learn life. However, if parents take over and do what the child should be doing, the child will say, 'My mother cares more about me than I care for myself' and will not take responsibility, withdrawing instead."
The balance of love and discipline in family relationships is crucial
Prof. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that the balance of love and discipline in family relationships is extremely important and stated that “If a home is filled with excessive love but weak discipline, where there are no rules, the child cannot learn life.” He continued his remarks as follows: “For example, if love is abundant but strict discipline is applied, the child becomes fearful, has low self-esteem, and is passive, constantly being managed. If there is little love and little discipline, the child may develop a criminal personality later on. Having no love but discipline results in a child becoming ruthless and merciless, because they have grown up without love and under excessive pressure. If you squeeze a soap too tightly, it slips out of your hand, and if you loosen your grip, it escapes. Raising a child requires a gentle form of discipline, but it must be determined, consistent, and continuous, with love incorporated. A blaming, judgmental attitude towards a child has a negative effect and the child cannot learn anything.”
Home should be a safe space for the child
Prof. Tarhan continued his remarks as follows: “The home should be a safe space for the child. They can make mistakes, but if they love their home, they will learn from their mistakes and return. However, if they do not love their home, they will run away at the first opportunity. Therefore, it is important for parents to create a warm, pleasant, and safe environment at home. Also, attention must be paid to what topics are most frequently discussed at home. If the main topics of conversation are money, sports, possessions, or politics, these will occupy the top spots in the child's mental map. However, if the home emphasizes being a good person, honesty, hard work, and universal values, the child will adopt them. In short, whatever the family invests the most love and value in, that becomes sacred in the child’s mind. Parenting is not about occasionally giving advice or lecturing the child. What impacts the child’s life the most is not words but the lived experiences. The time spent together, and the positive and negative experiences shared are like seeds planted in the growing soul of the child, and these seeds will bear fruit in later years.”
A digital generation exists…
Prof. Tarhan pointed out that young people have been born into technology and are natives of social media and digital technologies. He said that “A digital generation exists, and they learn a lot about life from social media and internet news, which is expected and reasonable. However, we need to provide them with an ego ideal, a life purpose for which they will work hard and exert effort. This should not be just about earning money, becoming something, or becoming someone, but about the kind of person they want to be in the end and how they want to be remembered. If we give young people such high ideals, when they face wrong things on social media, they can think about these ideals and say ‘No’. However, if a young person has no purpose in life and only lives in a ‘live in the moment’ or pleasure-seeking way, they will not find lasting happiness. They may be happy in the moment, but once that happiness fades, they will start searching for a new source of happiness.”
There are two types of happiness: happiness due to pleasure and meaningful happiness!
Prof. Tarhan stressed that what we need to teach young people is the concept of "meaningful happiness," and Tarhan stated that “There are two kinds of happiness: pleasure happiness and meaning happiness. This is not new; even Aristotle talked about it. He referred to them as ‘eudaimonic’ and ‘hedonic’ happiness. Hedonic happiness is pleasure-oriented; it acts with the ‘live for today’ mentality, where you want immediate gratification. However, eudaimonic or meaning happiness involves higher goals and ideals. Achieving this happiness requires effort, fatigue, and suffering. If we set high goals and ideals for young people, even if they experience losses along the way, they will continue their journey thinking of their goals without being discouraged. Unfortunately, modernism, modern life, capitalist morality, and the consumption economy offer us a ‘live for today’ kind of life.”
There is an epidemic of addiction in the world
Prof. Tarhan pointed out that there is an epidemic of addiction worldwide, which has also affected Türkiye. Tarhan stated that “Currently, there are 800,000 monitored probation files in Türkiye. This is an incredible number, 800,000! This puts a huge burden on the state, and young people are the primary victims. Therefore, addiction policies need to be changed, and youth policies must be reorganized. Right now, we are directing young people to sports as part of youth policy. Of course, sports are beneficial for young people and keep them away from bad habits. However, sports do not involve the concept of meaning, and it is just about competition. Therefore, we need to raise a youth that is focused on culture, ideals, and ideas. Investment should be made in culture. In recent years, large sports halls and swimming pools have been built in Türkiye, even in small towns. However, there is a need for more investment in areas that will teach young people about our culture and ideas.”
Young people should not fall under the influence of social media
Prof. Tarhan also pointed out the significant impact of social media on young people and concluded his speech by saying, “For young people to avoid falling under the influence of social media, they need to be the subject of their own social media. If they become the object of it, they will be controlled. Young people must learn to use social media based on their needs. Otherwise, they will be swept away by its addictive effect. Social media may be highly accessible and attractive, but it leads to significant loss of time and energy. The greatest asset of young people is time. Youth is as valuable as gold. This time should be used in line with high goals and ideals. As a country and as individuals, to become global actors, young people need to be idealistic. They should be idealistic, realistic, and activist. Idealistic young people have high goals, realistic young people are like the metaphor of the compass by Mevlana, one foot in reality and the other in dreams. The third type is activist young people, who not only talk the talk but also walk the walk, producing plans and projects. If we set an example for young people, we can create an environment full of possibilities for them. Studies show that although they are a digital generation, young people still have a strong sense of innocence and justice. Instead of questioning or judging our young people, we should set a good example for them, present them with good possibilities, and help them find their own paths.”
Üsküdar News Agency (ÜHA)