The first requirement of psychological hygiene is self-criticism!

President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan held an interview with parents and educators at Acıbadem Schools. In the interview titled "Psychological Support in Family Communication and Education", Tarhan touched on the points to be considered in family communication. Stating that lack of communication is worse than conflictual communication, Tarhan emphasized that selfishness is the first enemy of marriage. Stating that one should not lie in marriage, even if it is a joke, Tarhan underlined that the most common mistake in marriage is to attribute the defect to an external cause in case of a problem, and if medical hygiene is washing hands, psychological hygiene is self-criticism.

The interview held at the Çamlıca campus of Acıbadem Schools received great attention.

"Miscommunication is worse than conflictual communication"

Emphasizing that there are three types of communication in family communication, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that "The first is healthy communication. When there is a problem, the parties sit down, talk, solve the problem, learn something, and fall apart. This is something that can happen at any time. There is also a second type of communication, conflictual communication. One says 'A' and the other understands 'B'. There is goodwill and love on both sides, but they cannot get along. They cannot get along if they are together, and they cannot do without each other. Conflictual communication like this occurs. 50 years later, they still bicker. And then there is the worst of all, which is miscommunication. In other words, miscommunication is worse than conflictual communication. There is no love there, nor goodwill. This is worse than confrontational communication.”

"It is necessary to feed it like a barbecue pit"

Stating that various fears and doubts arise with the opening of emotional distance in marriage, Tarhan said that "There is a honeymoon period in marriage. During this period, there is healthy communication, the period of romance. The second period is the period of conflict. In other words, it definitely happens in every family. There is no way it will not be. If not, there is already an abnormality. After two different people get married, the man focuses onwork, and the woman focuses on her children. The emotional distance between them widens. The relationship in marriage is like our relationship with fire. If you get too close, you will get burned, and if you move away, you will get cold. You must keep a certain distance, but you also have to feed in between. Marriage is like this; therefore, it is necessary to feed it like a barbecue pit. If you get too close, there is a conflict, a problem. If you get too far away, the problems get bigger. When the emotional distance is opened, various fears and doubts arise. In other words, even if both parties continue to love each other, interest decreases. One of the acts of love is caring. Spending time together, taking time is one of the acts of love. When interest wanes, various fears begin.”

"If medical hygiene is hand washing, psychological hygiene is self-criticism"

Emphasizing the importance of awareness and self-criticism, Tarhan stated that "Problems are part of growth and development. When you are afraid of the problem, there are bigger problems. You are either covering it up or you are reacting disproportionately. You are making the problem more unsolvable. The approach to these problems is like the approach to the microbe. For example, the general rule is to pay attention to hygiene in order not to get sick with germs. Before eating, you wash your hands, pay attention to cleanliness. If you pay attention to these, the microbe will enter the body, but the microbe will not be transmitted because you take precautions against the microbe. In marital relationships, flaws are like germs. You cannot run away from them, but if you take the right stance, they will be cleaned up without you realizing it. It would be nice to expect a perfect partner, but it is not possible, nor is it realistic. The most common mistake is to attribute the defect to an external cause when there is a problem. If medical hygiene is hand washing, psychological hygiene is self-criticism. When a person encounters a problem, they can say, ‘What percentage of this problem did I cause?’, which is the equivalent of awareness in our culture. The first is to become aware, the second is to engage in self-criticism. This is the first condition of psychological hygiene. When you do that, you are not doing yourself an injustice."

Selfishness is the first enemy of marriage...

Stating that where there is selfishness, there is conditional love, Tarhan expressed that "The worst enemy of self-criticism is self-centeredness. Imam al-Ghazali (peace be upon him) says, 'If you put all the evil in one room, arrogance will open the door.' Thus, this applies to marriage. If a person says, 'I know everything,' and if there is arrogance and ego, that person wants a slave-master relationship in marriage. This happens with both men and women. A person should try to manage it. Selfishness is the first enemy of marriage. Where there is selfishness, love becomes conditional love. Conditional love is a selfish love, not true love. If there is a concept greater than love, it is compassion. There is empathy in compassion. If love is water, respect is its vessel."

"Avoid lying, even as a joke!"

Stating that the expectation in marriage is peace, Tarhan said that “You should not lie in marriage, even if I it is a joke. Because even if there is love where there is a lie, love wears out and fear arises. Your partner begins to question, trust weakens. When there is no trust, there is no peace. The expectation in marriage is peace. Creating peace is the highest goal of marriage. If marriage is a cruise, the goal of that ship is to have a peaceful journey. It is necessary to ask the question, 'How do you do it, your marriage will be peaceful?' Accuracy is very important here. It is important to have an open, transparent and honest relationship and an accountable relationship without lying..."

"Male and female brains are different in terms of the way they look at and perceive events"

Explaining the differences between the right brain and the left brain, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that "The brain of men and women are different in terms of the way they look and perceive things. It is important to know this difference. For example, the left brain has masculine characteristics, working rationally in areas such as logic, reasoning, analysis, speech and calculation. It wants to make quick decisions and is result-oriented. The right brain, on the other hand, has feminine characteristics, is process-oriented, and deals with emotions, excitements, music, art, and aesthetics. By focusing on aesthetics and emotions, it attaches importance to the quality and care of the works. The right brain is inquisitive and adopts a process-oriented approach, while the left brain wants to make decisions faster with a result-oriented approach. The front part of the brain provides the balance between these two sides. This balance allows us to look at things from different angles."

“Instead of objecting it, we need to use it correctly and wisely."

Emphasizing the importance of having media literacy, Tarhan stated that instead of opposing artificial intelligence, it should be used correctly. Tarhan stated that "Adolescents are digital generations because they were born in the digital world. Digital generations are using AI better than others. Mentally and emotionally immature, they are suddenly confronted with the dangerous world of artificial intelligence. Parents' support in this regard is insufficient. When you look at today's young people, one of the biggest problems they face is not having media literacy. In Sweden, they say do not let children use technological devices until the age of 2. They say do not let children use technological devices more than 3 hours until the age of 15, except for entertainment purposes. If you do, digital addiction can happen in children. That is why they say that just as the invention of the printing press for artificial intelligence made a change in the world, artificial intelligence will also make a change. Artificial intelligence is currently creating a new form of relationship, human form, and way of life in the world. Instead of opposing it, we need to use it correctly and wisely."

"The pleasure-oriented philosophy of life is spreading rapidly globally"

Stating that young people with goals should be raised, Tarhan stated that young people who do not have ideals are dragged along. Tarhan stated that "It is wrong to oppose technology, it is wrong to immerse ourselves completely in it. We need to use its wind as we move towards our goal. We need to use its power. We need to have a purpose. Artificial intelligence, digital, uses the human without the purpose of the internet. There are tangible and intangible goals in life. Young people who have clear goals, ideals and causes do not get carried away easily. Young people who have no cause, no ideals, are being dragged along. Aristotle divides happiness into two aspects. One is called hedonic happiness, someone calls it eudemonic happiness. Eudemonic bliss, pleasure bliss… It is the happiness that modernism offers us, the happiness of pleasure. 'What you like is good, what you do not like is bad. Do what you want, do not do it if you do not want to. You only live once.' The pleasure-oriented philosophy of life is spreading rapidly globally. Right now, our country is not occupied, but our minds are occupied. If a culture dominates, a society dominates that society. The way that society decides how to think, how to imagine, how to dress, how to think, that culture dominates and exploits. That is why we need to raise young people who have a purpose."

 

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)