Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: "Patience and endurance may be difficult, but the fruit will be sweet."

Stating that a brain, which is accustomed to things that are easily obtained, easy to reach, tends to things that give pleasure and that this is substances such as drugs and stimulants, Prof. Tarhan expressed that "The brain is constantly bribed, and people who have learned to obtain something in their childhood without effort or challenge have difficulty in showing patience and endurance.That is why they change jobs frequently."

Noting that emotional intelligence education has become one of the most important issues of science today, Tarhan stated that "We must learn to manage our brain like riding a bicycle. We must know where to accelerate, where to slow down, and which way to turn."

President of Üsküdar University and Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan evaluated the issue of tolerance and intolerance.

Resilience is a skill that requires training

Stating that endurance, that is, resilience, is a skill that requires training, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that "For a person to create psychological resilience, ONE must learn to tolerate from a young age. Endurance is a very important decision-making and problem-solving skill to achieve one's goal. If this skill is weak, the person may not reach their goal."

Intolerance of uncertainty makes you ill!

Noting that tolerance should be evaluated in two ways, Tarhan stated that "The first is to be able to tolerate an uncertain situation. This one is considered the most difficult. The second is to show endurance to achieve a certain goal. Generally, these two situations are understood when it comes to tolerance. However, what makes people ill the most is the intolerance of uncertainty. For example, you are walking in the forest, and you do not know when you will meet a wolf or what you should do. If you hear a rustle or feel a threat, you may overreact and not be able to sleep properly. This can cause what we call autonomic hyperactivity. The nervous system works rapidly, the heartbeat quickens, the pulse increases, breathing accelerates, and it can lead to conditions such as sudden cardiac arrest. Uncertainty is the biggest cause of stress, and it is also one of the biggest causes of depression. Uncertainty increases anxiety, fear, and negative choices and threat perception. Moreover, uncertainty evokes a sense of injustice and insecurity."

Uncertainty also weakens the human power to take action

Stating that if there is uncertainty between parents in a house, if it is not clear what tomorrow will bring, if it is not known whether there will be a crisis or whether there will be a war, children will be affected by this situation, Tarhan said that if there is no open and transparent communication between the spouses and if lies are told, this will create serious uncertainty and increase the perception of skepticism, jealousy and threat.

Stating that uncertainty will also weaken the power of people to act, Tarhan said that "The biggest reason for uncertainty is not being able to make sense. There is a lack of meaning. For this reason, people who do not want to think will obey someone without question. Today, however, obeying blindly to a leader or state authority is hardly valid. This situation has led to an increase in intolerance and the spread of mental illnesses."

"If there is uncertainty, the person becomes inactive and does not get out of bed"

Pointing out that people should know what to do when they get up in the morning, Prof. Tarhan expressed that "If there is uncertainty, the person becomes inactive and does not leave their bed. In this case, laziness arises. Behind laziness often lies lack of purpose. The fact that a person has a purpose provides a reason to act. Purposeful behavior does not necessarily have to be about abstract goals. There may also be concrete goals such as meeting basic needs, that is, eating, benefiting oneself."

Goals trigger intrinsic motivation

Explaining that people take action when they have a purpose not only for themselves, but also for their family, society, humanity, science, art, country or creation, Prof. Tarhan said that "This kind of purpose triggers intrinsic motivation. Aimless people, on the other hand, need external motivation. Someone should motivate them to say, 'Come on!' A person with internal motivation, on the other hand, can act this motivation like a steamship, based on their own internal balance. In this way, they are able to overcome intolerance and remove uncertainty, because they find a reason to believe in themselves, to work for. Therefore, one draws the road map. If the roadmap is unclear, this can bring the person down. In moments of crisis, one looks for a companion they can rely on. If they find a companion, they feel safe and do not give up in the middle of process. Internal motivation, on the other hand, needs constant nourishment like the boiler room of an engine."

Self-sacrificing and hardworking mothers unwittingly make their children lazy

Pointing out that someone who has been prepared for everything since childhood, who has been presented with everything on a golden platter by their parents, and who has been raised in a bubble, Prof. Tarhan expressed that "Because someone is always taking care of things for them, so why should they bother? These people are used to constantly waiting for someone to say, 'come on'. Here, there is an abuse of excessive affection. This is very common in our culture. They act with the idea of 'I have suffered, so my child should not suffer'. Especially self-sacrificing and hardworking mothers unwittingly make their children lazy. In ancient times, even 50 years ago, children were maturing in poverty and hardship. However, now it takes time to mature in abundance. So, they need to feel an obligation to be motivated."

Why do they change jobs so often?

Stating that a brain, which is accustomed to things that are easily obtained, easy to reach, tends to things that give pleasure and that this is substances such as drugs and stimulants, Prof. Tarhan expressed that "The brain is constantly bribed, and people who have learned to obtain something in their childhood without effort or challenge have difficulty in showing patience and endurance. Due to this, they often change jobs. Patience and endurance can be challenging, but the fruit will be sweet. We are trying to motivate people with this result in mind."

Children who can wait had 20 percent higher emotional intelligence

Prof. Tarhan explained that in a study conducted in the 1960s and lasted for 20 years, kindergarten children were told that one marshmallow would be given immediately, but that they could get a handful of marshmallow if they waited, a group of children took their marshmallow immediately, while the others wandering around in the classroom and waited for 15 minutes and earned more marshmallow, and that after 20 years, the emotional intelligence of the waiting children was 20 percent higher and their relations with the opposite sex were healthier. It was seen that their social and emotional skills were more developed and they were able to solve problems better.

The importance of emotional intelligence training...

Tarhan stated that "Emotional intelligence training has become one of the most important topics in science today. In the United States, mindfulness training is given to children in the middle of classes in schools. Mindfulness is conscious awareness training. It teaches subjects such as self-knowledge, determining one's purpose and the science of happiness." Tarhan also expressed that positive psychology is also a part of this education, and that such trainings are now given even at the high school and secondary school level.

Tarhan said that "We wrote a book called 'The Science of Happiness' for the 9th grade students and presented it to our ministry. One of the modules of the book is endurance training and the ability to delay gratification. People who can postpone their satisfaction and show resilience reach their goals and taste success after a while."

Intolerance, a symptom often seen in hyperactive people

Noting that intolerance is a symptom frequently seen in hyperactive people, haste and impatience are among the most important signs of this condition, Prof. Tarhan said that "These symptoms are considered in the category of impulse control disorder as part of attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). These people find it difficult to control their impulses, do the first thing that comes to mind, and easily believe the last thing they hear. Therefore, they are open to manipulation. If these people are hasty and impatient on the one hand and perfectionist on the other, one side of their brain says, 'everything should be perfect' and the other side says 'everything should be quick and fast'. This situation compresses the brain like a 'toast' and drags the person into depression. These individuals are often constantly anxious and feel constantly alert. For example, they flinch when a fork falls, jump when a door closes quickly, and tend to mute the television. They become hypersensitive to such stimuli and have a reduced tolerance for surprises and new situations. Diseases such as depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and anxiety disorder are common in these people, which makes their lives difficult. However, the uncertainty disappears and a step is taken towards entering the treatment plan when these symptoms are noticed and the person accepts this situation."

Learning to use our brains is not difficult

Informing about the treatment, Prof. Tarhan stated that "In people who are intolerant, we usually focus on brain functions. We look at functional mapping of the brain. MRI images are used to understand whether there is a neurological disease. In functional brain mapping, a condition called affective dysregulation can be seen. This is the person's inability to regulate emotions. In people with low ability to regulate emotions, the left brain (logical, rational brain), right brain (emotional brain) and forebrain (executive, decision-making brain) do not work in a balanced way. These people are not able to manage their brains properly. We must learn to manage our brain as if we are riding a bike. We have to know where to speed up and where to slow down, which way to turn. It is similar to learning to drive a car, play a musical instrument, or ride a horse. Learning to use our brains is not difficult. In fact, this process is called 'neuroleadership'. If we are not our own leader, we cannot manage social relationships. We must first manage ourselves, our desires, our impulses, and our dreams. We must have rational intuition and beliefs. If we act in this way, we can achieve our goals. Irrational thoughts only lead to a waste of time."

Intolerance is acceptable during adolescence

Stating that intolerance is an expected and acceptable situation during adolescence, Tarhan said that "It is normal for adolescents to be hasty, impatient and intolerant. It is unrealistic to expect them to be patient. During this period, we will treat adolescents and children like adults; however, we will not expect adult behavior from them. We will be a companion to them on the path of life. We will walk together. We will guide them through this process without overwhelming their personalities, but without over-praising them. If we build a healthy relationship by saying, 'You are a good person, but these behaviors are wrong,' children learn about life, and if there is a healthy family relationship, this process is even more supported."

Adults should focus on self-knowledge

Noting that if there is such a situation in adults and if one wants to solve this problem on their own before getting expert help, they should first focus on knowing themselves, Tarhan concluded his remarks as follows:

"A person has to set a goal and think about what they need to do to achieve that goal. This process is called 'psychological SWOT analysis'. In SWOT analysis, the strengths and weaknesses of the person are determined. In this process, one must be honest with oneself. In the second stage, the goal is determined. For example, going to college, graduating, getting a certain job, or working in a certain country. After the target is determined, the threats and opportunities that may be encountered on this path are evaluated and this information is recorded in writing. Then a roadmap is prepared; however, it is not enough to make this plan and wait. As Rumi said, 'Set out, the road will show itself'. Therefore, action should be taken after plans are made. Plan A is implemented; however, if it does not work, plan B comes into play, and if that does not work too, plan C is applied. However, one should not give up on their goal. A person who proceeds in this way will eventually reach their goal."

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)