Children attending primary and secondary schools, who have been receiving remote education under pandemic conditions, have started their three-week mid-term break. Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, highlighting the importance of report card psychology, points out that not only grades should be evaluated on the report card. Stating that when evaluating the report card, one should focus on the child's strengths, Tarhan indicated the importance of building bridges with the child instead of erecting walls. Tarhan said, “We should never forget this: life success is the sum of academic success and moral success. Even when dealing with report cards, we must preserve compassion and courtesy, which are the most important family values. Currently, the language young people understand is persuasion and conviction. These are methods of appreciation and praise. This should be focused on their positive aspects. Their behavior and efforts should be praised, not their personality,” he advised. Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, emphasizing that the effects of the pandemic on children's mental health must be taken into account, highlighted the importance of providing a peaceful home environment for the child.
Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, offered advice on report card psychology and how the three-week mid-term break should be spent.
The risk still continues in the pandemic
Stating that this year's mid-term break is being spent under pandemic conditions, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan mentioned that this process is expected to continue for a while longer, and said:
“When we say holiday, we all have a perception. There is a perception of going somewhere, having fun, living as we please. Especially for children, it's the same way. Since conditions have changed due to the pandemic and the danger has not yet passed, we are currently at the numbers from last June. Currently, our case numbers are in the 5,000s; we haven't dropped below a thousand yet. In such a situation, if we repeat the mistakes made last summer, before at least 50% of the society is vaccinated, we will experience third and fourth peaks again. The seriousness of the situation continues as before. Within 10 months, 340 healthcare workers died. Even in the fight against terrorism, there isn't such a loss of soldiers and police. Therefore, we need to know that the seriousness of the situation is very important. Most likely, this process will be long. Let's be aware of this; an expectation that schools will open on February 15 and everything will return to normal would lead to a misconception. Creating such an expectation, creating high expectations, would be wrong, and people would start making mistakes. We would repeat last summer. To avoid repeating the same mistake, we need to proceed with realistic expectations. Current realistic expectations and scientific data also show that the danger has now decreased. We are getting better; decreases have begun. There is no room for despair or indecisiveness, but we need to endure and bear with it a little longer.”
Academic Success Can Be Compensated
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that families are most concerned about their children's education during this period, saying, “What our families ask us is: How will our children make up for this period? Families should not worry about academic success at all. Fair solutions can be produced in our education system by reducing the impact of this year's grades on the exams for those who will take exams this year. Because here, internet access equality was not complete. Private schools are in a more advantageous position. Therefore, the situation is more problematic in that regard. In such situations, measures like keeping the score burden in our education system's exams lower are definitely taken. Adjustments related to this are made in our assessment and evaluation system. In that respect, they should not worry about education.”
Children's Mental Health is More Important
Noting that families should be concerned about children's mental health, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “But they can be concerned about this; in terms of children's mental health. Our children have been deeply affected in such a situation. This applies to children of all ages. We need to think separately for the 0-12 age group. We need to think separately for the 12-19 age group, that is, adolescence. Children in the 0-12 age group look at their parents. They observe them. If the father is not in a panic and is relaxed, and there is a peaceful environment at home, it is not important for those children to be outside or elsewhere. Whether online lessons continue or not is not important at all. Children are very happy at home, and sometimes we even encounter children who say, ‘Mom and Dad, you go out, we're fine,’ because their parents are home too much, interfering and meddling. For this reason, children in these age groups have a very serious ability to adapt. They adapt quickly. Let's focus on creating a peaceful atmosphere at home right now. The home will become a warm and enjoyable space.”
Our Family Insurance System Protects Our Family
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that family communication is important during this period, saying, “Positive communication should take precedence over negative communication in the family. Everyone should not try to correct each other; there is no need for ego battles. It is important for everyone to have an attitude that tries to complement each other and strengthens positive aspects. Our culture is already not competitive within the family, but rather a culture that enhances complementarity. This is a great opportunity. After the pandemic, there are serious epidemics of divorce and suicide in the world. This did not happen in our country. This is provided by our family insurance system. It is still not falling apart despite the shocks; it continues. But there is also risk, of course. Let's strengthen these family values we have and continue them. We would turn this crisis into a gain.”
Instead of Taking Away the Computer, It's Important to Teach Smart Use
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, drawing attention to conscious technology use in children, said, “Children over 12 are also entering adolescence. Especially, almost 80% of them have computers in their hands. In this situation, instead of taking computers away from children, it is important to teach them how to use computers wisely, meaning to make them media literate. Instead of entering their areas of interest with them and giving them advice and lectures, the method of discussing the wrong if they are doing something wrong should be used. In other words, it is important to take the young person or child alongside us and talk together, rather than confronting them.”
A Bridge Should Be Built Between Children and Parents
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan also noted that families should have a constructive approach regarding report card evaluation, and said the following:
“Children have received their report cards. What is the classic parental attitude? They look at the report card. They don't see the good grades. They immediately criticize the low grades. The moment we say, ‘You have everything you need, yet look at this report card!’ the child starts to build a wall between themselves and their parents. However, as parents, we need to build a bridge with the child. The mother-child relationship, the father-child relationship, is more important than the report card. We need to solve this without damaging that relationship. Smart parents, in such situations, would say, ‘How can I improve my child's academic performance? 7-8 subjects are good, but 2-3 are bad, how can we fix this?’ and when the child's opinion is also asked, they are made to feel valued. By talking in this way, we must ensure that the child learns something.”
Behavior and Efforts Should Be Praised
Stating that trying to ‘set’ a child, so to speak, through pressure, threats, and intimidation is not the method of this era, Tarhan said, “This is not the language children and young people of today will understand. Parents should not forget this. Currently, the language young people understand is persuasion and conviction. These are methods of appreciation and praise. This should be focused on their positive aspects. Their behavior and efforts should be praised, not their personality, by saying words they haven't earned. If their personality is praised, the child's ego will inflate. They can be given responsibilities at home, in some shopping tasks. In such situations, young people, in particular, should learn the balance between freedom and responsibility.”
A Report Card is Not a Measure of Worth
Tarhan, pointing out that the pandemic has created a situation of mandatory time spent together, continued his words: “Spending time together is an opportunity for young people. From the age of 12-13, young people begin to love their parents from a distance. Our biological nature and genetic codes require this. The child wants to become free and individual. When raising our child with a focus on success, should it be academic, life, or moral success? We need to consider all of these simultaneously. This is also closely related to children modeling their parents. When parents discuss report cards, report card psychology should be considered. It is important not to present the report card as a measure of worth. We should not act as if the report card shows whether the child is valuable or successful. The report card is just one step on the path to success.”
We Must Teach Children to Be Diligent and Have Human Values
Tarhan stated that at the end of human life success are abstract goals, saying, “Being beneficial to society, to humanity, being able to do things in accordance with creation, with existence, is related to a person's philosophy of life. The most important thing the pandemic period will bring us is the opportunity to discuss existential issues again with children in the philosophy of life. Currently, popular culture teaches us pleasure, speed, chasing enjoyment, and hedonism. This has become a global epidemic. If we don't protect our children from this, we will lose this generation. For this generation not to be a lost generation, we must definitely teach them to be diligent and to possess human values, along with human values. There is an opportunity created by spending time together during this period.”
The Report Card Should Be Evaluated as an Opportunity
Tarhan, stating that this era is called the “Distrust Age,” meaning the age of distrust in the 21st century, said, “Our culture, our belief system, our value system place great importance on trust. This is the greatest quality of the Prophet Muhammad. Even before his prophethood, it was the quality of trustworthiness; we need to revive our quality of trustworthiness. This is trust. Therefore, let's establish these in the family. Let's give importance to these, and for example, how is the report card an opportunity here? With the psychological effect of the report card, the child starts to lie, thinking ‘my mom and dad will be angry.’ If the family, upon receiving it, says, ‘Look, my child, you have studied for this many lessons, and you haven't been able to do this many,’ and makes an evaluation, then in such a situation, it is important to proceed with the ‘accept and guide’ method, the ‘accept and walk together’ method. If this is done, the child will say, ‘My mom and dad love me but want to cooperate with me to correct my mistakes,’ and the child's sense of belonging will increase. Their self-confidence will not be damaged. Therefore, in this age, we are not in a period of managing our children by scolding and frightening them. The children of this time are also conscious. Therefore, we cannot manage our children by frightening them in any way.”
Parenting Practices Must Be Changed
Finally, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan offered the following advice: “Here, mothers and fathers will change their parenting practices. The scenarios they learned from their own mothers and fathers are not valid today. Because the actors have changed, there are new actors. Accordingly, we need to change our parenting scenarios. We will establish good relationships with our children and turn the close relationship provided by the pandemic period into an opportunity for our children.”