Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, Founding Rector of Üsküdar Üniversitesi, attended the talk titled “Goodness and Psychology: The Impact of Helping on Mental Health,” organized by the Young Goodness Club of Istanbul University Faculty of Theology. Tarhan, drawing attention to the effect of meaning-oriented life philosophy on human happiness, stated that people who distance themselves from doing good become lonely. Tarhan also added that doing good while expecting something in return is usury.
The talk was moderated by Istanbul University faculty member Prof. Dr. Ümit Horozcu.
The program, held at the Grand Conference Hall of Istanbul University Faculty of Theology, began with a recitation of the Holy Quran by İsa Çeker.
One of the greatest harms modernity has done to humanity…
Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, discussing the impact of modernism on male-female relationships, began his words by saying; “The structure of men and women are not similar, but complementary. For example, like poles repel, opposite poles attract. If both are feminine or both are masculine in temperament, they cannot get along. If one is masculine and one is feminine, they can understand each other. In other words, one of the greatest harms modernity has done to humanity is masculinizing women. Even a woman who has entered business life wants to become a manager. They say, ‘This is not a woman's job, you can’t do it.’ The woman says, ‘I can.’ She enters the job, truly proves herself, and becomes a manager. The woman says, ‘You said I couldn’t do it, but I became a manager.’ The man, however, said, ‘I don’t see you as a woman anyway.’ So, think about it, to that extent, she has pushed her femininity and maternal feelings into the background. She remains in an environment where she does not express her womanhood. This has now become a characteristic of modernism. In other words, the psychological roles of women and men are not the same. Therefore, a woman’s interest in psychology is related to her significant mental investment in these topics.”
“For a person to be altruistic, they must have emotional literacy”
Tarhan stated that a meaning-oriented life philosophy affects human happiness; “The first characteristic of California syndrome is making hedonism a life philosophy. That is, it turned the philosophy of life into pleasure-oriented by saying, ‘What I like is good, what I don’t like is bad.’ Even Aristotle criticized this. According to Aristotle, there are two types of happiness. One is pleasure happiness, hedonic happiness. The other is meaning happiness, eudaimonic happiness. Pleasure happiness exists as dopamine in the brain. Meaning happiness as serotonin. Serotonin activates the brain's real system, but dopamine does not. For example, both cocaine and nicotine cause dopamine release. When dopamine runs out, it demands more and more. Serotonin is not like that; the brain does not suddenly produce it. Pleasure-oriented philosophy and meaning-oriented philosophy affected human happiness. Altruism is also closely related to this. For a person to be altruistic, they must have emotional literacy. They need to understand the other party's feelings, pain, and distress. After understanding, they need to succeed in helping them while protecting their own identity, feelings, and boundaries. To achieve this, a person needs to invest in themselves and develop themselves.”
“Modernism feeds narcissistic personality traits”
Tarhan also spoke about other characteristics of California syndrome; “The second characteristic of California syndrome is egocentrism, which is selfishness. Third in line is loneliness. The United Nations talks about three threats facing the future. The first is income inequality, the second is climate change, and the third is loneliness. Ministries of loneliness have been established. The reason for this is human selfishness. A selfish person doesn't help. Modernism feeds narcissistic personality traits. Selfishness develops. As a result, loneliness and unhappiness emerge. Addictions increase. Psychiatric diseases are increasing globally. Social media and digitalization have accelerated this.”
“Goodness done with expectation of return is usury”
Tarhan, stating that behaviors and efforts, not personality, should be praised; “Random acts of kindness are very effective. Goodness done with an expectation of return is usury. Narcissistic individuals do good to assert their feelings of superiority. They give a chicken and expect a goose. Not everyone should be helped, that is. If you do good to a narcissistic person, you inflate their ego. It will backfire on you. For example, when praising a person, one should praise their behaviors and efforts, not their personality. If you praise their personality, their ego inflates. This is not goodness. Behavior should be praised.”
“One cannot be humble in front of a narcissistic person”
Tarhan, discussing the characteristics of narcissistic people; “Narcissists see themselves as special, important, and superior. Because they see themselves as superior, they do good deeds that feed their feelings of superiority. They do good for ego gratification. When you do good to them, they perceive it as a weakness. If you are going to do good to a narcissist, you need to think two or three times. That is, if you do good to gain the trust of a narcissistic person, they will bring you into their sphere of influence, devalue you, and look down on you. One cannot be humble in front of a narcissistic person. If you act humbly in front of them, they perceive it as weakness. Of course, one must be sure that the person opposite is a narcissist. These individuals' sense of entitlement is self-centered. They thrive on praise. Since they thrive on praise, it is necessary to praise their behaviors and efforts. If you blindly praise their personalities, it is both harmful to them and devaluing to yourself. You would be disrespecting yourself.”
“Good deeds done with divine consent as the ultimate goal are more effective”
Tarhan, stating that evil decreases as good and beautiful behaviors increase; “The goodness mentioned in the Holy Quran should not be done for our ego and benefit, but for divine consent (Rıza-i İlahi). Good deeds done with divine consent as the ultimate goal are more effective. They are selfless, silent acts of goodness. Transformative good deeds emerge. Therefore, there is an entropy law in goodness. The entropy law is the second law of thermodynamics. That is, there is no darkness, there is the absence of light. There is no cold, there is the absence of heat. There is no evil, there is the absence of goodness. Just as evil disappears when goodness is increased, evil naturally decreases when good and beautiful behaviors increase.”
“Intention has a magical effect”
Tarhan, explaining the importance of intention in goodness; “One of the reasons modernism opposes goodness and mutual help is the issue of humility and helping. Nietzsche says, ‘Humility, mutual help, and similar things increase a person's operating costs, reduce their production, and pull them down.’ That is, it reduces production. Therefore, an understanding emerges like, ‘Don't help anyone, let everyone look out for themselves in global competition, let the strong survive, let the weak do whatever they want.’ Philosophy progressed in this direction at the time, but then they saw that it is not possible for society to be happy by ignoring its disadvantaged segments. That's why social responsibility projects were developed. For example, one of the most important indicators in European Union standards is how much support is provided to disadvantaged people. That is, how does a society treat its disabled individuals, elderly, and those in need of help? They have brought special standards for everything from car parking spaces to toilets. Of course, intention is very important when doing good. In religions, the main thing is that the intention is for divine consent. Once the intention is right, whatever the other party does, that intention has a magical effect.”
“Whichever we feed, that side comes to the forefront”
Tarhan, emphasizing the importance of principle-based helping; “We need to ask ourselves, ‘What is my intention?’ ‘What is my true intention? Am I expecting something? Is this an investment, or is there an expectation of gain? Or am I doing this because it is a high value? Regardless of the belief system, do I see this as a high value?’ These need to be considered. That is, the issue is principled help. Helping in a principle-based way. For example, Kant says in ethical philosophy, ‘A person is helped simply because they are human. Do good to them because they are human.’ There is another dimension to this. For example, Otto Kernberg, one of the important psychoanalysts alive today, says, ‘There is a bad part within a person.’ Classical psychoanalysis did not accept this. The humanism school said, ‘Humans are inherently good, evil comes later, it is incidental,’ but now we see that we have both good and bad sides within us. Sufism already stated this long ago; there is something called 'nafs' (ego/self) within us, a powerful side. We have a malevolent side and a benevolent side. Whichever we feed, that side comes to the forefront.”
“Goodness is a guest in good hearts, it does not visit bad hearts”
Tarhan, stating that the form of goodness that has become a personality trait is generosity; “When goodness is not done on principle, that is, when it is not based on a solid foundation, it can sometimes lead to bad results. As a person sees these results, they begin to move away from doing good. When a person distances themselves from doing good, they become lonely. Because goodness forms a person's environment. Its greatest benefit is building a network. A person creates their social network through goodness. That's why generosity is very important. Because generosity is the form of goodness that has become a personality trait. Of course, there are also types of generosity. A person gives, but gives begrudgingly. They feel as if a part of them is being torn away. This is not true generosity. True generosity is goodness done wholeheartedly, willingly. It may not be in everyone, but the person still does it because they know it's right, despite their ego. That's when it becomes a personality trait. Worship is like this too. If you can do it despite your ego, it is acceptable. The ego doesn't want to; for example, getting up from that sweet sleep in the morning to go to morning prayer is difficult for the ego. Sezai Karakoç has a very beautiful saying, ‘A religion that makes one wake up from sleep in the morning cannot be a religion of interest.’ That is, if this religion wanted to spread, it would not have such teachings that challenge the ego. The aim here is not to spread, but to raise quality people. Therefore, doing good is not granted to everyone. Goodness is a guest in good hearts. It does not visit bad hearts…”
“A person should have a pyramid of goals, time, and importance”
Tarhan, offering advice to young people on their life's journey; “The most important thing, in my opinion, is to have a goal. Especially professional goals, life goals... As a person, you should have a goal pyramid. At the very top of this pyramid should be abstract goals. That is, the answers to questions like ‘What kind of person do I want to be?’, ‘What should be written on my tombstone?’, ‘How do I want to be remembered?’ should be at the top. In the second place come concrete goals. First, you must place the answers to those big questions at the top, those that make you who you are, that guide you. Because these goals are very important. Along with this, another important issue is to clearly define your priorities. What do you spend your time on? Where do you invest your love the most? This is a very determining factor. For example, there are people with obsessive-compulsive disorder who are very hardworking and have a high sense of responsibility. However, sometimes they get bogged down in details. They leave an important task to deal with a bent nail on the table. Whereas, what is important is to focus on goal-oriented details. Useful details bring success, while unnecessary details are a trap that distracts a person. Therefore, time management is very critical here. A person should have a goal pyramid, a time pyramid, and an importance pyramid. By clarifying these, you will manage both your time and psychological resources better. Because all of us have a lifetime capital, and also psychological capital. Just like money, these resources also need to be managed. Input control, output control... The more you save, the stronger you become. Similarly, investments in love, sources of pleasure, and investments in yourself should be carefully planned. It is necessary to frequently ask the question, ‘What am I investing in right now?’ and prioritize accordingly.”
“The greatest kindness one can do for a person is to dedicate time to them”
Tarhan, explaining the importance of dialogue in interpersonal relationships; “In close relationships, the greatest kindness one can do for a person is to dedicate time to them. This is not just talking, not a monologue, but truly a dialogue. Listening, trying to understand, and being able to act according to their needs are very valuable. Because the most effective way to persuade a person is to speak with their values. Not with our own truths. We need to understand what they value and what words affect them. Quickly perceiving the other party's needs and acting accordingly. Sometimes even a smile is a kindness. Asking ‘How are you?’, a sincere look, a few kind words, a heartfelt touch. All these are acts of kindness, really. They don’t have to be big things. These small acts of kindness have big effects. Friends of God, for example, those people do good without expecting anything in return. They do it for divine consent. That's why God makes them loved. If you do good 'so that they love me,' it will backfire, but if you sincerely do good to do what is right, truly according to the other party's needs, then it finds its place. That's why one needs to be careful when doing good. Does it truly serve a good cause, or are we unintentionally contributing to evil? Every act of goodness must reach the right place.” he concluded.
