Recently, parents in some schools, either individually or as a class, collecting high-value gifts for educators, harms student and parent unity in schools and education. Trips and programs that can only be attended with high fees also prevent students from becoming sincere friends. Experts, reminding that gift-giving should be moderate, state that fulfilling every wish of a child will lead to many problems in the future. Prof. Dr. Sırrı Akbaba stated, “A child who gets everything they want becomes unable to set goals for themselves. A person who cannot set goals to achieve experiences feelings of emptiness and nothingness and becomes unhappy.”
High-Value Gifts in Schools Harm Friendship Among Students…
Üsküdar Üniversitesi Rector's Advisor, Faculty of Humanities and Social Sciences (ITBF) Psychology Department lecturer Prof. Dr. Sırrı Akbaba evaluated being a good person, virtues, and school practices. Stating that the general purpose of schools is to raise good people, Prof. Dr. Sırrı Akbaba said, “A good person is a virtuous person. Turkish-Islamic philosophers, especially Farabi and Ibn Sina, classified virtues from bottom to top as; virtues of chastity, courage, wisdom, and justice.”
Infinite Desires Must Be Limited
Prof. Dr. Sırrı Akbaba, stating “Chastity generally means making all our desires moderate (optimized),” continued, “In other words, human desires and wants are endless and boundless. However, the goods and services to meet them are limited. The rational approach is to limit infinite desires so that we can correctly use limited or small numbers and amounts of goods and services to suffice everyone. Our wise ancestors called making everything, including our desires, most suitable (moderate, normal, balanced) “itidal” (moderation). To protect oneself and other beings from problems arising from excess; they called those who balance their desires chaste people.”
It Should Be Taught That Not Every Wish Can Be Fulfilled
Emphasizing that for raising good people, parents and teachers should correctly learn what chastity is and, while being sensitive to children's wishes, also show them that not all their wishes can be fulfilled, Prof. Dr. Sırrı Akbaba said, “With both verbal and behavioral guidance; the awareness that the world and universe, which we perceive as infinite and boundless, are finite and therefore cannot be used carelessly, should be instilled in every person from childhood. Thanks to this instilled awareness, children exhibit chaste behaviors, and adults achieve the goal of raising good people through this method.”
A Child Who Gets Everything They Want Becomes Unable to Set Goals
Drawing attention to the most discussed consumerism behaviors today, Prof. Dr. Sırrı Akbaba stated that fulfilling every wish of a child would lead to many problems in the future, adding:
“Some of the manifestations in schools that lead to a lack of chastity, referred to as 'consumer frenzy' today, include: buying expensive vehicles for children, high-cost trip programs, and expensive gifts. Despite leading to a lack of virtue, many families believe that meeting every need of the child will yield good results.
A Person Who Cannot Set Goals Becomes Unhappy
First and foremost, parents should know that their assumptions are wrong: A child who gets everything they want becomes unable to set goals for themselves. A person who cannot set goals to achieve experiences feelings of emptiness and nothingness and becomes unhappy. Then, family elders complain that their children have no future goals, but they cannot grasp that instantly fulfilling every wish of the child is the cause of their unhappiness.”
It Is Also Important for Gift-Giving to Be Moderate
Prof. Dr. Sırrı Akbaba noted that giving gifts is one of the beautiful traditions of Turkish society, pointing out that here too, gifts should be measured. Prof. Dr. Sırrı Akbaba said, “On special days like Teachers' Day in schools, students give gifts to their teachers. It is also known that too much of anything normal is wrong. Therefore, gift-giving should also be done in moderation, without excess. The school is a small cross-section of society. Excesses made at home and outside are also reflected in school. While some students struggle to even afford a small gift, others can buy quite expensive gifts. This situation leads to discrimination and prevents students from forming sincere friendships. The solution is for the school-parent association to contribute on behalf of less privileged students so that the entire class can buy a common gift. A jointly given gift not only eliminates competition among students but also develops a culture of cooperation. Teachers who do not accept gifts should also be respected, and it should be understood that they have valid reasons.” he advised.
Wrong Education Leads to Anger Control Issues
Prof. Dr. Sırrı Akbaba said, “When we can control our anger, we experience the virtue of courage. Even if they are intelligent, some people are known as incompatible individuals in society and are ostracized because they cannot control their anger. Their inability to control their anger, if not due to an organic cause, is psychological and likely caused by wrong education. As parents, when we instantly fulfill every wish of a child, we not only deprive them of the virtue of chastity but also cause them to be unable to control their anger. As a result, we raise individuals who cannot control their anger, in other words, 'devoid of the virtue of courage'.”
Prof. Dr. Sırrı Akbaba noted that the attitudes of school administrations are also important, stating, “If a trip is to be organized, the school administration should organize it; trips should be both educational and not exclusive to children from wealthy families. The expenses of less privileged students should also be covered by school-parent associations to ensure their participation in trips. School management should reject expensive trip plans that are not educational and create discrimination among students. To address the lack of information on this matter, parent conferences and parent meetings should be held by guidance counselors (psychological counselors).” he said.
Children Should Be Taught Not Only to Receive but Also to Give
Prof. Dr. Sırrı Akbaba stated that a young person who attains the virtues of chastity and courage can easily experience the virtue of wisdom, concluding his words as follows:
“Indeed, Ibn Sina emphasized that the virtue of wisdom arises from the combination of the virtues of chastity and courage. The virtue of wisdom is the individual's ability to show the necessary care and sensitivity to both their own rights and the rights of others. Someone who spends a lot of money just to live in luxury for themselves cannot escape selfishness, remaining stuck in the egocentrism experienced by a preschool child. Because these individuals cannot savor sacrifice/altruism, they cannot exhibit such noble behaviors and therefore cannot possess the virtue of wisdom. For individuals to attain the virtue of wisdom, they need to be developed from selfishness towards sacrifice starting from childhood. For this, parents and teachers should be able to teach children to give as much as they teach them to receive. Our sages, while emphasizing that the virtue of justice is reached from the sum of these virtues they listed as chastity, courage, and wisdom, crowned being a good person with the virtue of justice, which they placed at the pinnacle. For our children to be just individuals, it is possible for them to be chaste, courageous, and wise. How much we need justice in this era of wild capitalism we are in today, don't we!”