Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, addressed the topic of “Happiness” in his Hürriyet Aile column this week.
Happiness, one of the foremost issues for which modern people seek solutions, is perhaps one of the most discussed topics of the 21st century, with many scientific fields working on its causes… However, happiness has a simple yet profoundly meaningful recipe. The recipe we propose for today’s individuals consists of 3 A’s: Anlam (Meaning), Amaç (Purpose), Arkadaş (Friend).
True happiness is pursuing meaning
Throughout human history, people have sought happiness and struggled with unhappiness. Looking back, this goes as far as Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato. The topics they debated were related to happiness. Aristotle divides happiness into two. The first is hedonistic happiness, which means pursuing pleasure and experiencing pleasures through action. Aristotle sees this as temporary happiness. He states that the true happiness that makes a person happy is Eudaimonia happiness. Eudaimonia happiness is described as the sum of actions tied to meaningful ideals. This creates lasting happiness in a person, while the other provides temporary happiness.
In cases of temporary happiness, a person falls into sadness once the thing that made them happy ends. When good days pass, even their ending brings sorrow. The end of sorrow, however, brings pleasure. Happiness is not situational; happiness is a process. This process needs to be managed. It is important to manage the happiness process correctly. Popular culture promotes deceptive happiness.
To correctly manage the happiness process, one needs to have a philosophy of life related to happiness. Happiness is not living relentlessly, doing whatever you want, tearing down walls, breaking chains, or living however you please. This is deceptive happiness. The capitalist system and popular culture encourage this happiness to increase consumption. They force people to live within the cycle of 'earn and consume.' They say, 'Earn, spend, have fun, work 5 days, have fun 2 days.'
California Syndrome makes you unhappy…
Hedonistic happiness does not make people happy. In fact, for those who aim for this kind of happiness but fail to achieve it, the California Syndrome is mentioned. The California Syndrome is very common in California, which is why a lot of happiness research is conducted there. People there have many things, they have fun, they live very fast. All these things exist, but people are still not happy.
You cannot be happy in the kingdom of selfishness
A second characteristic is found in unhappy people, and this is called egocentrism. Happiness in the kingdom of selfishness is fake. A selfish pursuit of happiness is a fake pursuit of happiness. If you live in the kingdom of selfishness, you cannot be happy. You might be happy at that moment, but because you cannot sustain or control it, you will feel worse when it slips away from you.
You will have a garden every season…
Every age has a dimension to achieve happiness. If you are older and wish to live like an 18-20-year-old, this is neither realistic nor possible. So, what should be done? You will have a garden every season, and in that garden, there will be a tree that blossoms every season. If you view life this way, you will succeed in being happy in childhood, adolescence, middle age, and old age; you will find something to be happy about. They ask a 92-year-old lady: ‘How can you be happy, you have many illnesses?’ The lady says, ‘I think about my functioning limbs, not my non-functioning ones.’ This is also a perspective. This brings meaning to these people's lives. This is the happiness we call 'meaning happiness.' In meaning happiness, a person will have ideals, ideals that contain meaning. As they contribute to that meaning, they will be happy.
Money cannot buy happiness
Life philosophy is a very important factor in being happy. If a life philosophy is structured correctly, it is impossible for a person not to be happy. In the latest happiness research conducted in the USA, per capita gross national product increased from 20,000 dollars to 35,000 dollars between 1950 and 2000. However, in happiness surveys conducted during the same periods, the percentage of those who said 'I am very happy' remained around 30%. It did not increase at all. Following this, they say, 'Money does not buy happiness.' Having financial power does not buy happiness. To buy happiness, you definitely need other capital. This is social capital and emotional capital.
The formula for happiness: Logical, emotional, and social intelligence must be developed
Logical intelligence can make a person rich, but if social and emotional intelligence are not developed, the person cannot be happy. The formula for happiness requires strengthening all three intelligence areas: logical intelligence, emotional intelligence, and social intelligence. It is also important to draw attention to the third symptom of California syndrome, which is loneliness. Ultimately, unhappiness emerges. Major depression and suicide rates increase. This is especially prevalent under stress and in crisis situations.
Those who appreciate what they have become happy
Happiness is succeeding in establishing a healthy relationship between our expectations and what we achieve. Every person has expectations in life: 'I wish I had this, I wish I had that, I wish I had such a life.' Beyond that, there are things they have achieved and things they haven't. Those who can establish a balanced relationship between these can be happy. If they dwell on what they haven't achieved, they become unhappy. If they appreciate what they have achieved and possess, they can be happy. A person needs to achieve this balance. Happiness is happiness in motion. Happiness is not something to be caught by chasing it. Happiness is like a shadow. The more one tries to catch their shadow, the more it flees; one cannot catch it. If you pursue your goal, the colorful shadow will follow you. We won't try to catch it; we will focus on our goal and proceed with correct steps on the right path.
It is necessary to know how to be happy with small things
It is important to be able to be happy with ordinary things. Appreciating things like being able to sit with your children, having a cup of tea, and being happy with what you possess is very important for happiness. To be happy, one needs to have a sense of gratitude. It is necessary to be able to find happiness in small things.
Those seeking happiness must possess the 3 A's
There are three concepts that distance people from happiness. These are; greed, insensitivity, and ambition…
It is impossible for someone who is insatiable, greedy, and selfish to be happy. These individuals cannot be content. Because they desire more, they become cruel. They start infringing on the rights of others. They become cruel rich people but end up lonely and unhappy. Such individuals cannot be happy. For this, it is important for a person to correctly form their life philosophy. If a person is seeking happiness, they must have what we call the 3 A's: meaning, purpose, and a friend. Life must have meaning, purpose, and a friend. Humans are relational beings, not programmed to live alone. They are social beings. They need to develop their social intelligence, meaning they need to aim to be part of a social structure. Because they are egocentric, they cannot be happy. They become successful and rich but cannot be happy and remain alone until the end of their lives.
Maintaining balanced relationships with friends, family, close circle, and work also plays a role in happiness. A correct life philosophy, a correct intention, and purpose can be very useful.