Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan made striking evaluations regarding coping with trauma at the ‘Psychology Summit’ where he participated as a speaker. Highlighting that the biggest mistake made concerning trauma is living in the past, Tarhan stated that no nervous system can withstand this. Emphasizing that the words ‘if only’ and ‘I wonder’ are the words that cause the most trauma, Tarhan advised that difficulties should be seen not as obstacles to be avoided, but as obstacles to be overcome.
“Traumatic experiences are an important role of childhood experiences”
Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, seeking an answer to the question of whether every psychological problem stems from childhood, emphasized that traumatic experiences, shock experiences, and childhood experiences play an important role in most disorders. At the online summit, Tarhan stated; “When we look at some cases and apply the childhood experiences scale, the average should be 35. This CTQ score generally comes out above 35. When applied to perfectly healthy individuals with no complaints in society, it can be 20% to 30% higher. If it’s 35, it can also be up to 45 or 50 in individuals with no complaints. A high score certainly doesn’t mean they are sick. Here, we have an assessment scale for childhood traumas, known as the ‘Children Traumatic Questionnaire’ (CTQ). It has 5 main sub-dimensions related to psychological traumas. These 5 main sub-dimensions are physical abuse, physical neglect, emotional abuse, emotional neglect, and sexual abuse. Disturbances occur in these 5 main areas.
When we look at what constitutes disturbances related to physical abuse, when those questions from childhood arise, if a child says, ‘I would go hungry when there wasn’t enough food at home,’ then there is physical neglect. For example, if they say, ‘I knew there was someone who took care of my well-being and safety,’ it means the person believes they don't have trauma, that they felt safe in childhood. If they say, ‘In my family, they would call me names like stupid, incompetent, ugly,’ it means physical abuse was high during childhood. If they say, ‘There was someone in the family who helped me feel important and special,’ then that person's score for not having emotional neglect during childhood is high. If they say, ‘I had to go around in torn, ripped, or dirty clothes,’ this also indicates physical neglect. If they say, ‘I felt loved,’ it is understood that there was no emotional neglect, meaning they grew up in a good emotional environment. Traumatic experiences play an important role in childhood experiences.” he said.
Mother, father loves but there is no expression of love…
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan explained how childhood trauma develops; “There is no physical abuse or physical neglect towards the child by the mother or father. They have only met the child's basic needs. Meanwhile, emotional neglect occurs in the child. Once, a young person came who never called his mother ‘mom’ or his father ‘dad’. As a result of the research, we observed emotional neglect and emotional abuse. In emotional abuse, it's like extending food to a cat but not giving it, making it meow. Someone who emotionally abuses a child in this way, for example, uses love as a weapon. They tell the child, ‘If you don't do this, I won't love you.’ In reality, they say it with good intentions, to discipline the child. This situation creates a fear of losing love in the child, and emotional abuse emerges. Emotions are used emotionally or abused. The child feels bad while being emotionally manipulated. If the child recalls, ‘Someone in my family hit me so badly that I had to go to the hospital,’ their physical abuse score will be high. If they say, ‘There was nothing else I wanted to be different in my family,’ it shows that a sense of security was formed in the family. If they say, ‘My childhood was perfect,’ all scores are low here. When we talk about emotional neglect, it involves abuse, physical violence, pushing and shoving, but one of the most striking physical abuses is also one of the emotional neglects. Treating a person as if they don't exist at home… Saying ‘how are you’ to everyone but not to them. The child grows up with the feeling that nobody loves them during childhood or young childhood. Yet, the parents love them, but there is no expression of love. They never stroked the child's head, never held the child in their lap, but met all the child's needs. These children, especially during adolescence and often in later life, feel lonely and lack self-confidence towards others. Often, these individuals cannot use their talents, and their life achievements decline.”
A person is open to trauma related to whatever they make their narcissistic investment in
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that becoming aware of one's childhood traumas makes a person advantageous; “If a person becomes aware of their childhood trauma, they gain an advantage. If they know that ‘I experienced such trauma in my childhood, I was subjected to such injustice,’ then the person can deal with it on their own; if they can't, they seek expert help. There are things a person has the power to do and control, and things they cannot. In such a situation, there are meta-cognitive therapies, also known as super-mind therapies. Meta-cognitive therapies do not merely reduce to awareness; they also enable the person, through super-mind therapy techniques, to find solace by resorting to a higher value, a higher belief system, a higher power when faced with a situation beyond their power, control, or capacity. A person feels helpless, weak, and powerless in things they cannot control. A person who says, ‘I must control everything, if I don't do this, I will be ruined, I have to do this,’ is open to trauma related to whatever they make their narcissistic investment in. For example, if they make their narcissistic investment in their body, they think, ‘My body must function perfectly, there must be no flaws, I must be very healthy.’ It is necessary to try to pull down ego boundaries and confront painful truths. When you do these, the person catches and resolves their own trauma. Here, if one confronts and accepts past trauma, then asks ‘what did this teach me,’ focuses on the positive instead of the negative, and looks to the future, the trauma becomes a kind of strengthened psychological immune system gain for that person.”
“Traumas are transmitted if they continue, not transmitted if they don’t”
Evaluating the possibility of traumas being hereditary and their relation to genetics, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated; "There are antisocial individuals who raise their children by beating them, a father raises his own child by beating them; if there is abuse and traumas continue for several generations in that child, this is not genetic but epigenetic. In epigenetics, the environment changes the gene; if one generation stays away from trauma in childhood, it is not passed on to the next generation. If it continues in that generation, it can be passed on genetically to one generation. If those traumas do not continue, the genetic polymorphism regresses because it is not used. For example, in alcohol consumption, the network in the brains of individuals who continuously use substances breaks down, the reward-punishment system breaks down, and because it breaks down, genetic polymorphism occurs. If it does not continue, it atrophies when not used, and the brain stops producing faulty proteins; therefore, these traumas are transmitted if they continue, and not transmitted if they do not continue.”
Feeling that one is not alone helps overcome trauma easily
Answering questions from participants from the earthquake region, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan discussed how to overcome fears and problems experienced when entering confined spaces. Tarhan stated; “Earthquake trauma, natural disaster, events that occur beyond human power, control, or will… A person should not blame themselves in such an event! The self-blame rate in traumas related to natural disasters is naturally lower, but in some cases, such a wrong method develops. Here, feeling that one is not alone helps overcome trauma easily. For many individuals dealing with this trauma, religious coping methods work. Humans are such that their desires are boundless, their expectations, aspirations, and enthusiasms are limitless, but their power is limited. We must know this; humankind is not the god of the earth. Therefore, we must know our limits, our ego strength, our boundaries. Living with a narcissistic ego is beautiful at that moment, but when there is an illness, a disaster, an affliction, a difficulty, you are brought to your knees, you become shattered. Therefore, being able to accept is important. Achieving that is important. Having those fears is a very human condition; everyone has them.”
“The words ‘if only’ and ‘I wonder’ are the words that cause the most trauma”
Answering the question of whether a person can encounter a more traumatic situation in adulthood than in childhood, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said: “Humanity’s path is a road paved with stones and obstacles. Therefore, someone who is seeking challenges, trauma is not desired, but if it comes, they should focus on how to overcome it. Not on why this trauma came... People who can do this overcome trauma easily. Therefore, the biggest mistake people who overcome trauma make is living in the past. That is, they live an event that happened 10 years ago as if it happened a few days ago. No nervous system can withstand this. They live focused on the past and the future. What will happen in the future, what will happen to my children? What will happen to my family if something happens to me? They always think about the children. The words ‘if only’ and ‘I wonder’ are the words that cause the most trauma. Someone who deals with today transforms the lessons of the past into gains and makes the most important investment for their future by having a good today. Therefore, don't live the moment, but live in the moment. Do justice to today, but look to the future, learn from the past, look to the future, but also live today. When we do this, because we manage our energy, our intellectual energy well, trauma becomes a kind of gain for us, a developing trauma. It gives energy, it turns into psychological capital. Therefore, difficulties should be seen not as obstacles to be avoided, but as obstacles to be overcome, and one must know how to overcome them. I recommend experiencing the feeling of overcoming difficulties and scoring a goal; it is the most beautiful struggle with trauma.”