Üsküdar University Founding Rector Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan was a live broadcast guest on TGRT Haber. Tarhan made striking evaluations regarding the topic of “Peer Bullying”. Emphasizing that the solution to peer bullying is to teach peer kindness, Tarhan stated that empathy exists within kindness. Stating that young people resort to violence as a way of expressing themselves, Tarhan noted that every act of violence carries a message. He added that the solution to this lies with parents, guidance counselors, and school administration.
“Bullying needs to be defined correctly”
Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, who addressed the increasing issue of peer bullying in recent times on TGRT Haber's live broadcast, first emphasized that bullying needs to be defined correctly. Tarhan said, “There are ‘fisherman fights’ among adolescents. They fight and make up a day later. An hour later, they act as if nothing happened. These should not be considered bullying. Bullying must be intentional, meaning conscious, repetitive, and involve a power imbalance. If these exist between the bully and the victim, it is defined as bullying. Defining every raised voice as bullying leads us to a wrong perception. Especially if it is planned, designed, and systematic, it is considered bullying. For example, bullying is not just physical. There is also verbal bullying. Mocking, name-calling, insulting, threatening are verbal attacks. There are also relational bullying acts. For example, gossip, exclusion, not allowing someone into a group, deliberately leaving someone alone… these are examples of relational bullying,” he began.
“The solution to peer bullying is to teach peer kindness”
Tarhan stated that young people seek their identities during adolescence; “Adolescence is an age of gang formation. They object to mothers, fathers, everything. They want to search for and find their own identity. They ask, ‘Who am I? Where should I go? Why?’ In doing so, they learn social identity, individual identity, religious identity, national identity – all those identities. They search for and find their own identity. Children also become rebellious at this age. That is, being rebellious is a means of their individuation. They have a tendency to oppose their parents. Previous generations also experienced the same hormonal surge. They had rebellious feelings, but the general mood in society was good; there was more compassion and empathy among people. Currently, these feelings are not being taught to new generations. These children are not learning them. Therefore, the solution to peer bullying is to teach peer kindness. The best way to combat negativity is to increase positivity. And the best way to fight darkness is to light a candle,” he stated.
We've become a little America…
Pointing out that social values are rapidly eroding, Tarhan said; “Among the countries in the world, Turkey is currently the country where family and social values are eroding the fastest. That is, cultural transmission was previously done by the family. Now, the media does it. Families are currently raising their children with a success-oriented capitalist role model. We've become a little America. We are more pro-American than European. Since the new generation is a rebellious generation, they protest parental authority, social authority, and other authorities. They enjoy this. However, when they see compassion and warm relationships, they don't feel the need for protests; they improve. If a child screams and the parents also scream back, the child clings more to their rebellious identity,” he stated.
“Empathy is within kindness”
Tarhan stated that children raised in a kind environment will not resort to violence; “When children are young, they cannot distinguish between good and bad, right and wrong, because they have no standard. Since there is no standard, they learn life through trial and error. When they enter adolescence, they exhibit extreme behaviors. They have sudden outbursts and reactions. They learn their own boundaries and the boundaries of life based on the reactions of other people. If a child grew up in a structured environment at an early age, if there is kindness in the family, and if the child is valued, that child will experience the storms of adolescence but overcome them easily. If the family environment they grew up in is not structured, if there is no kindness, and if the child is not valued, the adolescent period will be difficult. Empathy is within kindness. And there is also the desire not to hurt the other party. That is, understanding the other party is not enough. Kindness is greater than empathy. You understand the other party, take their rights and needs into account, but you try to solve this problem without hurting them. Children growing up in such an environment do not resort to violence. For example, in global statistics, the rate of bullying among adolescents is around 23% for victims and around 43% for bullies. Those who are both bullies and victims are around 13%. This is a global figure,” he said.
“Every act of violence is a message”
Stating that young people resort to violence as a way of expressing themselves, Tarhan said; “In studies on violence at home, three types of violence are studied. It is observed which type of violence the child chooses as an example. The first is live violence, meaning violence experienced in the family. The second is violence in movies. The third is violence in cartoons. These three are examined. Live violence is in the first place. If there is violence at home, if the father is violent towards the mother, the child is affected by this. They also use violence to say, ‘Recognize my existence.’ Because the child is raised as if they are ignored at home. There is a lack of communication. The child understands that they are not valued, not loved. They get involved in an act of violence. Only then do people notice that child. The child, at the very least, gets beaten and feels relieved. Children accumulate memories from an early age. Currently, most children accumulate memories more from social media and TV series than from their parents. There, too, are fights, violence, gossip, slander. These are recorded in their brains in this way. They automatically enter the neural network in the brain. After a while, they accept evil as natural. Violence is normalized. Under a little stress, they immediately resort to violence, using it as a form of self-expression. Perhaps there is no intention of violence, but they choose it as a method of existence. Parents, guidance counselors, and school administration have a lot to do against this. This child is now sending a message. They are saying, ‘Recognize my existence.’ Every act of violence is a message. So, let's not put young people in the dock as culprits. This shows that they need help,” he concluded.