Stating that loneliness is the biggest psychosocial problem for people in advanced age, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan points out that the concept of the extended nuclear family in our culture offers a very valuable solution to the problem of loneliness. Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that it is important for older individuals to transfer their knowledge and experience to their children and grandchildren, emphasizing that the grandparent-grandchild relationship greatly contributes to a child's socialization.
Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan made evaluations on the psychology of aging and loneliness.
The Biggest Problem of Advanced Age: Loneliness
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that human life expectancy has extended today, and the period over 65-75 years of age is now called “late adulthood” rather than old age. He said, “The World Health Organization considers this period to be the beginning of old age. The biggest psychosocial problem for people in advanced age is loneliness. They need grandchildren, neighbors, and children around them. Humans are relational beings. They are not programmed to live alone. When a person is left alone, they age faster, and hopelessness and pessimism arise.”
The Feeling of Hope is Very Important in Advanced Age
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that despite the loss of abilities in old age, sharing life experiences makes elderly people happy, and stated the following:
“The thing that will make older people happiest is being asked questions from which their experiences can be utilized. This means mental and spiritual nourishment. Asking ‘Mom/Dad, how should this be?’ makes them incredibly happy. There was a couple with children and in advanced age, whose story was reflected in the German press. They ended their lives by turning on the natural gas. Even though they had children, their children were engrossed in their own lives. Neighborly relations had already weakened considerably. This is how we live now. They ended their lives thinking, ‘Even if we live like this for another 5-10 years, we will die anyway.’ They act with such a logic. The feeling of hope is very important in the elderly. The most important process in old age is the process of becoming more religious. This is a process that keeps old age on its feet. As a psychological defense, it is a situation that questions life and existence. Life philosophy is very important. If a person's life philosophy is correct, a good, sufficient, and happy old age emerges. Western prescriptions do not produce solutions in this regard. The West's prescription is capitalism. Capitalism is also tainted by self-interest. This situation decreased after the socialist revolution.”
We Must Create Our Own Prescription
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said that the West's solution is not a solution, stating, “We need to create our own prescription. Projects are being developed in Germany to bring elderly people together, but taking the elderly and placing them in a very nice place does not make them happy. What makes them happy are their relationships with their loved ones. This culture has disappeared in the West. Durkheim made a serious mistake in sociology. He deified society. The understanding ‘there is no need to teach morality and cooperation’ emerged. Nietzsche also says so. Cooperation increases operating costs. After this, they observed animals. There was always a nuclear family model. They disbanded the extended family, saying that it should be like this in animals and therefore in us.”
Turkey is Producing Its Own Solution
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that as Turkey, we are producing our own solution in this regard, saying, “Currently, in apartment buildings, everyone has a separate flat, but all relatives can stay in the same place. We can call this an extended nuclear family. Family relations continue in the form of neighborly relations. We need to continue producing our own solutions regarding this situation. If we cannot, we will also experience the problem that the West is currently facing with the elderly. We need to develop solutions appropriate to our own cultural structure. If there is cultural harmony, social acceptance emerges.”
Grandparent-Grandchild Relationship Contributes to a Child's Socialization
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that intergenerational togetherness also contributes greatly to young people, saying, “The grandparent-grandchild relationship is very famous. Because elderly family members feel the need to tell stories. Grandchildren also feel the need to ask and learn. Since their needs overlap, they get along very well. Parents are generally always busy, but elderly family members might tell a story five times. This event contributes to a child's socialization. Even if they don't live in the same house, children should be given the opportunity to spend time with their elderly family members. This also strengthens family bonds.”
Tarhan stated that childhood memories are very important, saying, “If a young person who marries does not accept their spouse's parents, after a while their spouse will think the same about their family, and communication will break down. In such situations, the roles of the caregivers are also very important. The bond established with elderly family members is very important for a child's psychological fulfillment, mental nourishment, and to alleviate feelings of loneliness. These are things that leave a mark on a child's developing psyche. Parents made sacrifices for their children, and they are now doing so by looking after their grandchildren. There is a great transfer of experience here. Children need to benefit from the experiences of their elders. In such situations, children learn emotion management and the skill of delaying gratification. These are learned better from older individuals. Young people have energy, while older individuals have wisdom and life experience.”
The Cradle Culture of Raising Good Children is the Family
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the knowledge to be learned from elderly family members cannot be found anywhere else, saying, “Imagine an untrained army. On the other side, there is a very well-trained army. A ten-thousand-person trained army will disperse a one-hundred-thousand-person untrained army. Just like in this analogy, educated and wise people are like that. That knowledge enables a young child to gather and rein in their scattered energy. Internal discipline develops in the child, and they learn emotion regulation. All of these are concepts to be learned through experience. These are not taught in school. Socialization is taught there. The culture of this is the family. The cradle culture of raising good children is also the family. It is very important at this point not to break the ties of older individuals with the family.”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that generational conflict is natural, saying, “Generational conflict will certainly occur to a greater or lesser extent. Because the truths of one generation are not the same as the truths of another generation. When there is conflict in the family, there are methods to resolve the conflict. These can be learned. For example, in a house, parents constantly disagree, shouting and yelling. The children are always anxious. The grandmother comes to the house. She says something to both sides. She suddenly resolves an issue that educated people couldn't handle. A peaceful atmosphere suddenly forms in the house. This is emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence develops in advanced age. As one matures, emotional intelligence expands. These are related to psychological maturity. Psychological maturity is used synonymously with emotional intelligence.”
Positive Communication is the Most Important Keyword in the Family
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that the key word in the family is positive communication, saying, “Trying to correct flaws is wrong. Older people do this to their children, and grandchildren are also affected by it. Thus, they can form positive sentences and shift their focus of attention. This is also the case in companies. If there is positive leadership, the work environment can be improved by fighting negativity. When you do this, problems solve themselves. As in psychiatry, when you bring childhood traumas to the forefront, a child hostile to their parents can emerge. Instead, the method we use is to look at a person's strengths and weaknesses and bring out their strengths. The more we highlight these, the stronger that person's psychological immunity becomes. This is tissue-respecting medicine. Positive leadership is very important in relationships within the family, with the elderly and with children.”