Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that in empathy, which is referred to as “altruism” in our culture, one must protect their own emotions while understanding the emotions of the other party, and said, “If you can establish such a relationship, its name is an empathic relationship. This relationship protects people from making mistakes and enables them to make correct decisions in relationships.” Tarhan noted that the generation referred to as Generation Z is actually a generation that has received incorrect empathy training, and said that children must be raised by giving them responsibility so that they can be prepared for life in a healthier way.
Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, made evaluations on the topic of empathy in the Marriage School program broadcast on Akra FM.
Noting that the concept of empathy is called “altruism” in our culture, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “Altruism means feeling sorrow for others, a word of Persian origin. Empathy can also be summarized as taking into account the feelings of others. It's close but not the same. The definition of empathy in psychology also has a 100-year history. The concept of empathy is the most important feature unique to humans.”
Empathy is being able to understand the feelings of the other party
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that the importance of the concept of empathy emerged after studying individuals with advanced autism, and said, “Individuals with advanced autism lack the ability to empathize; these people cannot empathize. What is empathy? It is being able to understand the feelings, desires, and needs of the other party. An autistic person lives focused only on their basic needs such as eating, drinking, reproducing, and sheltering.”
The Most Important Emotion in Human Socialization: Empathy
Emphasizing that empathy is the most important emotion in human socialization, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “Empathy is also the emotion that enables humans to be social beings. At the root of evils is a lack of empathy. Simon Baron-Cohen’s book “The Science of Evil” addresses the lack of empathy. People who commit crimes do not see the feelings, pains, and needs of the other party due to a lack of empathy; they torment them and live only for themselves.”
Lack of Empathy is Emotional Blindness
Tarhan noted that the neural pathways in the brains of two people experiencing empathy are very similar, and this situation is called the Michelangelo Phenomenon, stating, “Tomographies have revealed that the pathways in the brain are very similar. Similar situations can also be observed in mother-child relationships. A mother can understand from her child’s movements that they are hungry or need to use the restroom. Emotional mirror neurons read this immediately. Empathy is emotional literacy. Lack of empathy is also called emotional blindness or emotional deafness. Someone with emotional literacy is a person with developed empathy. One-year-old children are gathered in a room. When one cries, all the children start crying. One cries because they are hurt. The others, unable to distinguish their feelings, mistake that pain for their own. This is not empathy, but sympathy. The boundaries of emotions are blurred. If someone sits and cries simultaneously with another person, this is not empathy, but sympathy. Crying synchronously is not healthy.”
Empathic Relationship Protects from Making Mistakes
Tarhan stated that in empathy, one must protect their own emotions while understanding the emotions of the other party, and said, “If you can establish such a relationship, its name is an empathic relationship. This relationship protects people from making mistakes and enables them to make correct decisions in relationships. Therefore, in emotional intelligence training, empathy is taught through special training and special sessions.”
The Most Beautiful Indicator of Empathy: The Humility-Pride Relationship
Tarhan noted that the most beautiful indicator of empathy is the humility-pride relationship, and said, “In Islam, empathy is expressed as, ‘If you fill a room with all evils, its door is opened by pride. If you fill a room with all good deeds, its door is opened by humility.’ Humility actually means possessing empathy. Acting according to the feelings of others is making them feel valued.”
Empathy means establishing horizontal relationships
Pointing to the importance of horizontal relationships in human relations, Tarhan said, “One should not see themselves as superior or inferior. Empathy means establishing horizontal relationships. Humility is actually modesty. The inclination for empathy is a talent, but developing empathy is a skill. Empathy needs to be learned and taught.”
Empathy Exists in Anatolian Wisdom
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that when examining Islamic culture and Islamic ethics, concepts such as empathy education emerge, and said, “For example, when we examine what we call Anatolian Wisdom, Yunus and Mevlana, understanding the poor is present in all of them. Empathy is the education of emotions. It is training and teaching us where, when, and how to use our emotional capital and emotional resources in our brains. Emotions are a capital. It gives people the skill of using that capital in the right direction.”
Children Should Be Raised by Giving Them Responsibility
Tarhan stated that Anatolian wisdom gives responsibility to children and prepares them for life, adding, “Today, children are raised without being given responsibility, for the purpose of protecting them. ‘My child is special, they shouldn’t have any trouble’ is the understanding with which children are specially raised. Then the child becomes afraid of burdens and responsibilities. However, they should be introduced to responsibility from an early age. For example, in our childhood, we were always made to work during summer holidays. We took responsibility, we helped with a task. There were mulberries in the garden of our house. My mother used to make us sell them. Not because we needed money, but to teach us about life. Preparing a child for life is very important. Motherhood-fatherhood does not mean making the child happy, but preparing the child for life. When a child is given two or three times the amount of love they need, they become insatiable for love. After a while, they expect the same attention from everyone. The child also struggles in adulthood. When they enter life and encounter difficulties and the realities of life, they struggle and become unhappy. In this situation, parents ask, ‘Why did my child turn out this way?’ Because you raised them incorrectly.”
Generation Z is the generation that received incorrect empathy training
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that the generation currently referred to as Generation Z is actually a generation that has received incorrect empathy training, and said, “They have obtained everything easily, without effort or fatigue, and they want the same to continue, but life is not like that. Generations in our time had to mature amidst scarcity. Spending money seems easiest, but the hardest thing is to spend money. Earning is easier than spending because you spend everything and finish it in one day, but then you don’t think about what will happen next; you need to teach resource management. If you want to manage, you need to define your purpose. Motherhood-fatherhood actually means managing our emotional capital correctly. It means managing our social capital correctly. It is resource management. Resource management is the ability to manage our emotional capital correctly and empathy skill.”