Üsküdar University Founding Rector Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan was a guest on an Instagram live broadcast organized by the Antalya Provincial Directorate of National Education. Making evaluations regarding the topic of “Family Communication”, Tarhan said; “If you keep the concepts of love and compassion alive in the family, you will see problems resolve unknowingly. Compassion is greater than love.”
The program organized for educators attracted great interest from participants.
“From the clash of ideas, sparks of truth emerge”
Emphasizing that we need to clarify what we understand by communication, Tarhan said; “In both family communication and other types of communication, there are generally three types of communication. The first is healthy communication. Healthy communication is monologue, dialogue. It can be two-sided. Communication has a golden standard; the golden mean rule. One takes a step to one side, the other takes a step to the other, and they meet in the middle by talking. ‘From the clash of ideas, sparks of truth emerge.’ This is a beautiful saying by Namık Kemal. Based on this saying, communication is actually being able to talk, but the aim is to talk with the intention of revealing the truth. The second is conflictual communication. Everyone constantly gets on each other's nerves. And the third is lack of communication. There is no talk at home. This is worse than conflictual communication. Lack of communication is like playing extra time in football. It ends, but it only seeks to gain time, and that is the worst.”
“There is no age where egoism has become so globalized”
Speaking about the harms caused to family communication, Tarhan stated; “The thing that damages family communication the most is egocentrism. In narcissism, one of the parties' largest organ is their ego. It is so big that they see other people as 'the other'. They say, ‘I will eat the best part of the meal.’ They want to be at the forefront everywhere. If you talk a little, you'll see they are always praising themselves. Such people exist, and unfortunately, modern life has multiplied them. There has been no age in human history where egoism has become so globalized. If there is narcissism, loneliness emerges. Narcissistic individuals have arrogance. Whatever they do, they cannot hide that arrogance. If they are strong, successful, everyone tolerates them. If you gather all evils in one room, arrogance opens the door; if you gather all good deeds in one room, humility opens the door.”
“Compassion is greater than love”
Speaking about parents' approaches to children, Tarhan said; “Compassion is greater than love, it is known as unconditional love. Politeness is greater than respect, it allows achieving results without hurting… If you keep the concepts of love and compassion alive in the family, you will see problems resolve unknowingly. Mother and father love, but compassion is different. If you treat a baby gently, that child will not lose compassion even if they grow up to be mischievous. The vast majority of children understand words of appreciation and praise. Instead of fighting or confronting children, we should take them alongside us and seek solutions together. For this, we need to turn love into compassion. As for respect, there can also be respect out of fear. When the father comes home, everyone runs away, that is respect. But this is respect without politeness. It becomes respect without compassion, without politeness. That's why politeness is greater than respect. One must be polite to everyone. Our elders used to say not to break eggshells, so that our feeling of compassion would not diminish. These are values. As we lose these values, families fall apart, and violence also occurs.”