President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan, met with parents at the program organized by the Istanbul Provincial Directorate of National Education and Hüseyin Avni Sözen Anatolian High School. Tarhan addressed the topic “The Role of Parents in Protective and Preventive Mental Health.” Emphasizing that the family is the first line of defense in child development, Tarhan drew attention to the importance of parents creating a safe, transparent, and non-judgmental home environment. Referring to the effects of screen exposure on children in the digital age, Tarhan stated that parents should observe their children correctly, and that cognitive blindness and overprotective parenting attitudes can weaken healthy communication.
Content
Prof. Tarhan: “Our Parents are the First Line of Defense”
SDG tags related to the news
Üsküdar District Director of National Education Semih Durmuş, Istanbul Provincial Directorate of National Education Guidance Services Branch Manager Hasan Çelik, along with administrators, branch managers, and parents attended the interview.
Elif Gül moderated the interview.
Semih Durmuş: “We Aim to Create Awareness and Support Resilience”
Üsküdar District Director of National Education Semih Durmuş delivered the opening speech of the program. Durmuş stated; “We continue our work within the scope of the Maarif Model, which our Ministry has been implementing for two years. Within the framework of this model, we carried out very successful activities within the scope of Family Year. Our main goal is to further strengthen the psychological well-being and resilience of our teachers, our children who are the guarantee of our future, and you, our esteemed parents, who are our biggest stakeholders. Today, stimuli, reactions, and impulses affect us in many ways. In such an environment, one of the most important factors for standing strong against negative influences from all sides is to increase psychological resilience. For this reason, with the studies we have carried out, we aim to create awareness and support resilience in this regard.”
Hasan Çelik: “We Do Not See Our Work Merely as a Duty”
Istanbul Provincial Directorate of National Education Guidance Services Branch Manager Hasan Çelik used the following expressions in his speech during the program:
“We do not see our work merely as a duty. Because if teaching is seen only as a job, it is not a profession that can be taken very far. This profession requires a bit of dedication and being deeply involved with the work done. In fact, the protective and preventive aspect of our profession predominates. In our country, the perspective on scientific fields such as psychology and psychiatry has only recently reached a certain point. In the past, going to a psychiatrist, using medication prescribed by a psychiatrist, or regularly seeing a psychologist was a situation where people were stigmatized. However, today it is clearer that this is a necessity. Because we are one of the important areas where people turn to and knock on the door when they need it. The value of protective and preventive work emerges right here.”
Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: “Our Parents are the First Line of Defense”
Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan, drawing attention to the protective role of the family in child development, began his words by saying; “Our parents are the first line of defense. The child has embarked on a life journey, progressing. When we consider the period from 0-6 years old when abstract thinking has not yet developed, through primary school, middle school, and subsequent educational processes, parents are the first line of defense. If the first line of defense is weak, the educator's job becomes even more difficult. When we sent children to school, the classic parent attitude was, 'Your flesh is mine, your bones are mine.' Although this attitude worked in education for centuries, today a child or a young person is affected very differently than before. For this reason, the role of the mother, father, and parent is very important in protecting the child. There are norms that protect society. The first norms are legal norms, norms determined by laws. These norms have weakened compared to the past. That is, no matter how many laws are enacted, their protective power has decreased. The second norms are social norms, especially norms such as traditions and customs. These have also eroded very quickly compared to the past. The third norms are family norms, the norms at home that protect the child. We now call the family the last refuge for these norms. However, they cannot protect as much as before. Because the house has an open door. That is digital screens. For various reasons, children are virtually drowned here by excessive screen exposure at young ages. The fourth norms are conscientious norms. We call these moral norms, internal norms. These are the norms that protect a society and a person. A person with internal norms does not do evil secretly with a sense of accountability, and a person with external norms does not do evil openly. These norms need to be taught to children.”
“The Home Must Be a Transparent Harbor”
Stating that the understanding of parenting has changed today, Tarhan said; “Currently, parenting has become both more difficult and easier. Accessing information has become easier, but effort is required to apply it. The primary role of parents is to make the home a safe space. That is, to make the home a transparent harbor. So, what does it mean for the home to be a transparent harbor? The child can seek refuge there, but also be able to talk about everything. When coming home, they will not feel like they are coming to a court, or being judged. If there is such a home, it will also be a harbor to shelter in during storms. If the home is a safe space, a transparent harbor, the child experiences outside events, sees difficulties at school, is influenced by friends, and is exposed to peer bullying. They may encounter various problems, but when they come home, they take refuge there, talk, and try to solve their problems because it is a transparent harbor. However, if the harbor is not transparent, the child thinks, 'If my parents bring up a topic, I will be judged, immediately questioned, and then a lecture on advice will begin.' In this case, they become quiet and withdrawn. Then families say, 'My child is very withdrawn, they don't talk.' No matter what you ask, they won't say a word. This is one of the reasons for this. Therefore, parents need to correctly understand parenting practices.”
“When There is Cognitive Blindness, People Cannot See Certain Things”
Referring to the importance of parents being able to observe their children correctly, Tarhan stated; “If parents are good observers, this is a very significant advantage. Being a good observer is truly very important. Sometimes many changes occur in a child, but the mother notices it last or hears it from others. A similar situation exists in spousal infidelity. A person hears from others but somehow cannot realize it. Because when there is too much love and too much protectiveness, one cannot see certain things. In business, this is called business blindness. In humans, cognitive blindness, or 'bilişsel körlük', emerges. In very successful people, due to the ego inflation caused by success, the person says, 'I know everything,' and closes themselves off to criticism. In such situations, ego blindness and cognitive blindness emerge. When there is cognitive blindness, people cannot see certain things. For example, if there were a pin on the table and the person preconceived, 'It wouldn't be on this table,' they wouldn't find it even if they searched everywhere. Because they have a prejudice that 'It's not on the table.' This prejudice leads them to cognitive blindness. Prejudices and stereotypical judgments cause people to become blind. The solution to this lies in self-criticism. A parent who can be an objective observer observes the child's behavior very well. However, they do not do this with an invasive attitude. Because there are also invasive mothers. When a child enters the toilet, they knock on the door and ask, 'What are you doing?' We used to call them helicopter mothers, now we call them drone mothers, constantly flying over the child. This attitude can sometimes be seen in fathers as well.”
Beware of Alarm Signs!
Stating that children's values education begins within the family, Tarhan said; “Parents plant a seed in the child's developing soul with stories and narratives. That seed, when the child is about to lie in the future, comes to mind and can stop them. Therefore, one of the most important duties of parents in this life accelerated by technology is to guide the child with values and virtuous morality. Parents should observe their child and ask themselves, 'Am I raising my child according to virtuous morality, or am I raising them solely focused on success?' If the child starts to withdraw, suddenly becomes quiet, stays in the bathroom for a long time, starts to get angry even though they weren't before, excessively takes refuge in computers and the digital world, and uses this as a stress reduction technique, these are alarm signs. However, for this, parents must be observational, not intrusive. After observing the child, when they make a mistake, instead of immediately giving advice by saying, 'Why are you angry?', they should say, 'Look, my child, you're angry. I'm curious why you're angry, I want to understand you. Come, let's talk.' The moment parents say 'I want to understand,' they establish a dialogue with the child instead of giving a classic lecture. Thus, the child learns emotion regulation and how to express their feelings. In our traditional culture, the understanding of 'Do not ask, do not think, obey' prevailed for many years. Its negative consequences were observed. This time, the opposite extreme was reached, and a parenting approach that allowed everything emerged. However, a good parent is the child's first teacher. This should not be forgotten. But parenting that acts like the child's lawyer at school is not correct parenting. The first protective structure is the family. If there is a conscious parent in the family, problems can be solved before they escalate and reflect on external events.”
“Individual Benefit is Prioritized Over Social Benefit”
Stating that the individual success-oriented approach should be replaced by an approach that prioritizes social benefit, Tarhan said; “For many years, the capitalist system said, 'Invest in yourself, earn a lot, be successful.' A system that encouraged success-oriented competitiveness prevailed. However, today, instead of this, there is talk of an understanding that is complementary and prioritizes social benefit over individual benefit. This is called a prosocial system. In a prosocial system, social benefit is more important than individual benefit. In fact, this does not sound foreign to us at all. This already exists in our culture and Anatolian wisdom. The understanding of 'not sleeping full while one's neighbor is hungry' means prosociality. However, we have largely abandoned this. We teach children more to think about their own interests. In America, a book titled 'The Narcissism Epidemic' was published on this topic. It draws attention to the increase in narcissism, especially among young people. Today, narcissism lies at the root of many problems, issues experienced in homes, and difficulties in parental roles. A narcissistic mother or a narcissistic father struggles to establish a healthy relationship with their child. Because they act with the understanding of 'I know everything' and constantly expect success from their child. There are elements that fuel narcissism, such as existence, wealth, and success. But there is no prosociality. Individual benefit is prioritized over social benefit. However, a balance needs to be established between individual benefit and social benefit.”
“Existential Crises Can Lead to Depressive Mood”
Referring to the fundamental existential problems faced by modern humans, Tarhan concluded his words by saying; “There are four basic existential anxieties defined by Yalom. The common feature of these four headings, which he called existential crisis, is that they contain uncertainty. One of the most important features that distinguishes humans from other living beings is these existential anxieties. For example, consider a lion: if its stomach is full and you don't enter its safety zone, it won't bother you. But when you enter its safety zone, it immediately attacks. Humans, however, are different from this. The first of Yalom's four basic existential anxieties is the search for meaning. Humans feel the need to give meaning to their lives. The second is the need to alleviate loneliness. Humans do not like loneliness; loneliness causes them discomfort. For this reason, they want to be part of a belonging, to be part of a group, to feel they belong somewhere, and to be part of a greater meaning. The need to alleviate loneliness stems from this. The third is the need to explain death. Humans try to make sense of the reality of death. This is also one of the basic existential anxieties. The fourth is the need for freedom. Humans want to be free. Other living beings do not have such a search; satisfying their basic needs is sufficient. However, the search for freedom holds an important place in humans. If humans cannot meet these four basic needs, they can enter an existential crisis and be dragged into a depressive mood.”
