President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan, participated in the “Family and Culture Literature” Camp organized by Anadolu Mektebi. In his talk titled “The Last Refuge: Family”, Tarhan came together with young people. He emphasized that the roots of positive psychology lie in Anatolian wisdom and Eastern philosophy, underlining that even the West is now benefiting from this accumulation of knowledge. Stating that the family is the last fortress of society, Tarhan drew attention to the threats brought by digitalization and individualization, noting that there is a global deluge threatening the existence of the family, and that it is necessary to build the ship that will save the family from this deluge.
The talk, held this year in Kocaeli Aytepe under the theme “Year of the Family” by Anadolu Mektebi, attracted great interest from young people. Journalist Şaban Özdemir moderated the event, which took place in an open-air amphitheater.
The camp was organized in Başiskele district at the Aytepe Resurrection Youth Camp area with the support of Kocaeli Metropolitan Municipality, the Presidency for Turks Abroad and Related Communities (YTB), and the Turkish Cooperation and Coordination Agency (TİKA).
Additionally, the camp hosted 290 teachers, parents, high school and university students from 38 provinces, as well as 66 students from Azerbaijan, Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Bosnia and Herzegovina, and the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus.
“We are standing on such a treasure, yet we are unaware of it”
Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said that the state of well-being is derived from Eastern wisdom: “Classical psychology brings the negative to zero, correcting pathology, but positive psychology takes zero into the positive. In other words, it creates a state of well-being. This was taken from Rumi, from our Eastern wisdom. In particular, they have benefited from our belief system, from the Qur’an, and from our centuries-old cultural accumulation. They have systematized it, developed a methodology, and presented it as a science. We in Anatolia are standing on such a treasure, yet we are unaware of it.
For example, in 2015 Harvard University included positive psychology in its curriculum. In 2018, Yale University did the same, and in 2019, the University of Bristol in the UK added it as a solution to the suicide epidemic. At Üsküdar University, we incorporated it into our program in 2013, and we are still teaching it. This course is, in fact, the scientific methodological expression of Anatolian wisdom. That is, an expression of our values and our belief system. It includes forgiveness, stress management, and anger management. On the other hand, there are modules on gratitude and values. All of these are taught with scientific methodology. In fact, in the United States, in high schools and middle schools, they take children to these classes as if they were taking them to the movies or to a sports game. Because there is a global-scale social decay, and they resort to this as a solution. How successful are they? Of course, it is better than nothing, but we are already sitting on this treasure. That is why I wrote books such as Mesnevi Therapy, Yunus Therapy, and Love Therapy. These books, published in 2012, are a synthesis of Anatolian culture and positive science.”
It is possible to be as wise as Rumi and as productive as Edison!
Emphasizing that Anatolian wisdom is a very precious treasure, Tarhan said: “Not only Türkiye but all of humanity needs this treasure. We must treat this treasure as if we are operating a mine. Therefore, the young people here should consider themselves lucky to be part of such an opportunity, because they will greatly benefit from it in the future. The knowledge they gain here guides them when making decisions, when forming relationships with the opposite sex, or when they face obstacles. We observe this in education. Before the curriculum is introduced to first-year students, a pre-test is applied, and at the end of the training, a post-test is given. In the learning outcomes, young people express things like, ‘My relationship with my friend has improved,’ or ‘I used to use substances, but I quit.’ These statements come from university students. We must raise such people who will be both as wise as Rumi and as productive as Edison. The synthesis of these two is possible, and our age requires it. This is the type of human being we must raise. Currently, when we look at the West, we see increasing suicides and violence, and that they are searching for solutions. At this point, Eastern wisdom is producing solutions, and they have now begun to use it as well.”
“True happiness is the happiness of meaning”
Speaking about the harm that Hollywood culture has inflicted on life philosophy, Tarhan said: “Aristotle, 2,500 years ago, divided happiness into two categories: one is hedonic happiness, the other is eudaimonic happiness. Hedonic happiness is pleasure-based happiness, meaning when a person chooses pleasure as their ego ideal. However, Aristotle said that this does not make a person truly happy. Real happiness is eudaimonic happiness, that is, the happiness of meaning. A person should pursue meaning. Currently, global culture is Hollywood culture. This culture declared, ‘Our philosophy of life is the pursuit of pleasure.’ The capitalist system then exploited this for consumption purposes. Through the cycle of earning and consuming, it altered young people’s sense of the sacred, as well as their priorities and values. With the influence of Hollywood, digital technologies, and digital platforms, this understanding has spread rapidly, especially in the past 10–15 years. From an economic perspective, it is predicted that in 10–20 years the level of prosperity will be better globally. However, social welfare and psychological well-being are not at the same level. Studies on the science of happiness are being conducted regarding this. For example, per capita income in the USA is currently around 70,000 dollars. Compared to 50 years ago, this is a huge increase. But when we look at happiness scales, the scores show a decline compared to 50 years ago. While people’s material welfare is increasing, their psychological and spiritual welfare is not. This is the most debated issue now, because an internal decay is taking place. A process of decay similar to what Rome experienced in its final period is now being lived by the USA and the world. Unfortunately, we too have adopted this internal and social decay, and the first area it has affected is the family. When the cells in the body function healthily, the body is healthy. The family is the cell of society. If the DNA of the cell is damaged, all the cells become diseased. In the same way, when the family is damaged, the fabric of society is also impaired.”
Why is the family the last refuge?
Stating that digital platforms have become the open door of the home, Tarhan said: *“If there are social problems in a society, it can be likened to a city. The city has an outer wall of defense. If the outer wall is breached, the inner wall comes into play to protect the city. The family is such a last refuge. There are three things that protect society. The first is legal norms; the second is social norms. Legal norms alone are not sufficient. Social norms, such as traditions and customs, protected the family. The third and most important protector is the family itself. Today, however, digital platforms have become the open door of the home. Now even the family, the last fortress, may no longer be a sufficiently secure area on its own. Therefore, every mother and father must first protect themselves, then their children, just as one protects a fortress. We must keep our family as a safe zone. There is no need for pessimism here. Despite global storms and social problems, if we make our home a safe zone and a nest of love, children raised there, even if they encounter problems in the outside world, and ultimately return home and can draw a new path for themselves. There is a global threat, a deluge, threatening the family. We must build the ship that will save the family from this threat and this deluge. In other words, there is a solution. The old safeguards are gone; social and legal protections have weakened. That is why we must protect ourselves first, and then our children. We need to adopt a solution-focused approach.”
“We are living in an age where individualization is sanctified”
Emphasizing that effort must accompany good intentions, Tarhan said: “We are living in an age where individualization is sanctified. The sacred values have shifted, and this has created a spiritual void. In such circumstances, what can be done emerges through individual efforts and endeavors. If we keep our intentions good and upright and strive, doors open for us. This is also stated in a Hadith Qudsi: ‘If you have a good intention and sincere effort, I am its completer.’ This is the word of God. From this, we understand that good intention alone is not enough; effort is also required alongside intention. Therefore, we must individually be well-intentioned, but our intention should not be ego-centered or self-serving. We must have an ego ideal. In other words: ‘What kind of person do I want to be at the end of my life? How do I want to benefit society? What do I want to accomplish?’ We must ask these questions and strive accordingly. This process, when it reaches a certain point, resembles a river. When the river flows into the sea, small islands are formed, and over time those areas become fertile through alluvium. In the same way, as we continue to do and accumulate what is right, good, and beautiful, all of this transforms into a great revival, a rebirth. Therefore, what we need most is not to fall into pessimism. We must keep hope alive. Because everything has a solution, but the moment we fall into despair, we have already accepted defeat.”
“The six ‘S’s in marriage form the cornerstones of relationships”
Speaking about the essentials of a healthy relationship, Tarhan said: “In Turkish we say the ‘S’s in marriage form the cornerstones of relationships, because all of these concepts begin with the letter ‘S.’ The first is love (sevgi). Love contains compassion. Compassion is unconditional love. The second is respect (saygı). The advanced form of respect is courtesy. If love is water, respect is its vessel. They complement each other. The third is patience (sabır). It is very important in marriage and relationships. Generations shaped by digitalization and the global system have become hasty and impatient. Yet in life, reward is given to those who endure. Patience is a meditative act; it is not passive withdrawal. Patience is active. There are two types of patience: negative and positive. Patience is to align with the speed and rhythm of nature; it is patience in motion. The fourth is loyalty (sadakat). Loyalty means both commitment and truthfulness. Loyalty is essential for secure attachment. The healthy upbringing of a child and the strength of the spouses’ relationship depend on secure attachment. Anything that weakens trust, especially lying and selfishness, consumes love. These turn marriage into ego wars, leading to arguments such as: ‘What you say vs. what I say,’ or ‘Your money vs. my money.’ Today, many gender issues stem from these ego battles. The fifth is sincerity (samimiyet). Sincerity is genuineness. In close relationships, sincerity has a captivating effect. When a person is sincere, mirror neurons in the brain are activated. The mirror neurons in the other person’s brain also become active, and the process of persuasion begins. Neuroscience studies also show that strong emotions activate the same regions in the other person’s brain. The brain does not lie; it communicates with other brains. This is why the sincerity of God’s friends has influenced even their enemies, gathering them around. Sincerity has a biological counterpart in the human brain. That is why good intention and sincerity are especially emphasized in all holy scriptures. The sixth is responsibility (sorumluluk). Taking responsibility for life, for the future, for children. This is also the indispensable element of a healthy relationship.”
“If there is good cooperation, love can last a lifetime”
Stating that love is a compelling emotion, Tarhan said: “In marriage, love is a very powerful feeling. It truly intoxicates a person. It is not for nothing that the saying goes, ‘Love is blind, if only there were no mothers-in-law.’ A person in love sees the beloved wherever they look. They look at a tree and see them, look at the birds and see them, look at the clock, look at the wall, and everywhere they see the beloved. The word ‘aşk’ (love) in Arabic comes from the root meaning ivy. Like ivy, it wraps around, and one begins to live with it. Think of the story of Leyla and Mecnun. Mecnun strives for years to reunite with Leyla. When the moment finally comes, while everyone rejoices, Mecnun suddenly gives up. Because the Leyla in his imagination and the Leyla before his eyes are not the same. That is why the term maşuk (the beloved) is used. Love itself is compelling. If there is good cooperation, love can last a lifetime. If there is no good cooperation, love gradually evaporates. That is why building cooperation in love is extremely important.”
“Happiness is possible through accepting and sustaining the new union”
Drawing attention to the connection between the forest and the family, Tarhan said: “In the forest, trees communicate with each other and share. There is an order and a relationship in the forest. The family is in fact like this as well, like an ecosystem with a healthy relationship. What makes a forest a forest is water. The flow of water ensures the continuity of life. Hydrogen and oxygen are normally free in the atmosphere. Before marriage, two people are like them, free. However, when hydrogen and oxygen come together, their freedoms no longer exist separately; instead, a new form of life emerges: water. Water is both productive and a source of life. Marriage is like this too. There is no formula such as, ‘I will be married, but also single, and also free.’ When two people come together, they become like H₂O, not existing separately but as a new and shared form of life. Happiness is possible through accepting and sustaining this new union.”
Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)