Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that kindness reduces stress, activates the brain’s reward center, and prolongs life, saying: “All the evidence shows that doing good has an antidepressant effect. In fact, we can say that the most beautiful antidepressant is kindness.”
President of Üsküdar University and Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan evaluated the topic of Kindness and Psychology in his program Nevzat Tarhan ile Akla Ziyan, broadcast on EKOTÜRK.
The generous live happier and longer
Drawing attention to “the psychology of kindness,” which in recent years has become an important subfield of positive psychology, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said: “In a large-scale study conducted by Harvard Business School on businessmen in 136 countries, it was found that those who were helpful and generous were both happier and lived longer on average compared to those who were not. This is one of the clearest pieces of evidence showing that kindness directly affects both the quality and length of life.”
Kindness reduces stress!
Addressing the neurological and hormonal effects of kindness, Prof. Tarhan stated: “It was determined that in people who regularly practice kindness, the ACTH hormone, which is known as the ‘fight or flight’ hormone that triggers cortisol, is secreted 23% less. Even when a person simply imagines doing something good, the brain’s reward center, the ventral striatum, becomes activated. This triggers the release of dopamine, which is the brain’s chemical of pleasure and focus, and oxytocin, the bonding hormone. All this evidence shows that kindness has an antidepressant effect. In fact, we can say that the most beautiful antidepressant is kindness. In other words, doing good is the best antidepressant.”
Kindness is contagious…
Emphasizing the contagious “ripple effect” of kindness, Prof. Tarhan said: “Studies show that a single act of kindness can reach as many as 300 people in a short time. For example, a young man who fears his boss decides, upon advice from a course he attended, to give his grumpy boss a tie as a gift. Although the boss initially reacts harshly, he is moved by the young man’s sincerity and decides to buy a gift for his own son. His son, bursting into tears upon receiving the gift, confesses: ‘Dad, I was planning to commit suicide tonight because I thought no one loved me.’ This is the ripple effect of kindness. Truly, kindness has an antidepressant effect. It impacts not only a person’s brain function and chemistry but also other people. One should not always think of grand gestures when it comes to kindness. A loving look, a smile, a few kind words, a heartfelt greeting, or making peace with someone are among the most precious forms of kindness. Even saying, ‘I’m sorry if I hurt you,’ has an incredible healing power.”
The neurobiological foundations of the psychology of kindness
Pointing out that kindness and the psychology of kindness have neurobiological foundations, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that the psychology of kindness is not only an individual virtue but also the basis of social and economic prosperity. Recalling that Turkish writer Cemil Meriç described kindness done with expectations as “usury,” Prof. Tarhan stated that true and selfless kindness creates the greatest capital by strengthening social bonds and social trust. Referring to Kahneman, the founder of behavioral economics, Prof. Tarhan said that even major economic decisions are made not purely on the basis of profit, but also on psychological factors such as trust and love. He added: “As Fukuyama has also noted, in high-trust societies, investments increase because trust reduces risks. At the root of an environment of trust are mutual and selfless relationships of kindness.”
Kindness projects reduce peer bullying in schools
Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the most effective way to combat evil is to turn kindness into an educational policy, emphasizing that Turkey must integrate these values, which already exist in its own culture, into the education system. “In our culture, the tradition of charity and helping was always assumed to be passed down through the family, so the education system did not give it much importance. But families are no longer transmitters of culture. If we don’t teach it at school, our children will be deprived of these values,” Prof. Tarhan said. He added: “In schools where children are encouraged through random kindness projects, both peer bullying and incidents of violence decrease.” Stating that the goal of the education system should not be to raise robotic individuals but compassionate and good people with developed social and emotional intelligence, Prof. Tarhan explained: “The smile created by a helping hand extended to a crying person, or by a piece of bread given, makes both the receiver and the giver happy. We must teach this happiness to our children.”
Kindness toward the lazy encourages laziness
Noting that there is something called “compassion fatigue,” Prof. Tarhan said: “Kindness shown to lazy people encourages laziness, while kindness shown to selfish people encourages them to feed off others like parasites. This is the misuse of kindness, and instead of doing good, it actually does harm.” Prof. Tarhan drew attention to the fine line between the “right” and “wrong” application of kindness, saying: “When we say we are doing good, we must question what we are adding to the other person’s life, whether this kindness is leading them toward good and what is right. Acts of kindness that are done just to make ourselves feel good, without meaning, can cause harm in the long run.” Stating that the principle of “teaching someone how to fish instead of giving them fish” also applies to kindness, Prof. Tarhan added: “Something obtained without effort and without labor is never valued. If you keep giving something to someone without requiring effort, you distance them from taking responsibility. This could be your child or a relative. That is not mercy; it is either ‘compassion fatigue’ or an attempt to satisfy one’s own ego.” Saying, “If you do kindness to the wrong person, you will attract bloodsuckers around you,” Prof. Tarhan explained: “If you complain that people who were with you when you were strong disappear when you fall, the reason is usually the wrong kindnesses you made in the past. Kindness should be done to those who deserve it, in the right way, and in a manner that helps the other person grow.”
One of the most effective methods in treating narcissism: “silent kindness”
Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that one of the most effective methods in treating narcissism, one of the most common problems of the modern age, is “silent kindness.” He explained: “Giving money to a beggar with one hand while taking a selfie with the other is not kindness, it is ego gratification. True healing is kindness that is done quietly, without showing anyone, and that trains narcissistic impulses.” Prof. Tarhan emphasized that showing off and seeking attention while doing good is contrary to the spirit of kindness. He added that such actions usually do not receive the expected appreciation and instead come across as “cold.” He noted that for people with narcissistic personality traits or high narcissism scores, they recommend never telling or showing anyone about the good they have done. Prof. Tarhan explained: “There is always a voice inside a person saying, ‘Tell everyone, show everyone.’ Being able to keep an act of kindness hidden despite this voice is one of the most powerful ways to train one’s own narcissism and selfish impulses.”
Acts of kindness toward children should not be used as a “threat or tool of obedience”
Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that it is wrong for families to use the kindness they show to their children as a “threat or tool of obedience.” He said: “Do not give your child money as a tip to gratify your own ego. Give them ‘earned rewards’ to teach responsibility and budget management. Otherwise, you raise individuals who cannot learn money management.” Drawing attention to the “mistakes in kindness” often made in family relationships, he added: “The mentality of ‘I’m doing you a favor, so you must do what I say’ causes great harm in child-rearing.” Prof. Tarhan also pointed out that parents who constantly complain by saying, “I have sacrificed everything for you,” while expecting something in return, are not truly doing kindness for their children. On the contrary, he said, such behavior disturbs both the parents and the children and results in “compassion fatigue” and personalities with low life satisfaction.
How to practice healthy empathy?
Prof. Nevzat Tarhan explained that empathy is often misunderstood as “putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.” He clarified: “Healthy empathy is understanding the other person without forgetting your own identity and boundaries. Sacrificing yourself completely without maintaining your boundaries is a psychological issue called the ‘sacrifice schema,’ and it leads to ‘compassion fatigue.’” Emphasizing the difference between empathy and sympathy, Prof. Tarhan said: “When a baby cries in daycare and the others start crying too, that is sympathy. Those babies have not yet learned the difference between their own pain and another’s pain. Healthy empathy, however, is being able to say, ‘That person is suffering, I should help them, but I must also protect my own rights and boundaries.’”
We are losing cultural values such as benevolence
Prof. Nevzat Tarhan warned that Turkey risks losing its cultural values such as warmth and benevolence if these are not transmitted to younger generations. He emphasized that countries like Japan and leading Western universities such as Harvard and Yale have addressed this problem by teaching children values education and the “Psychology of Kindness” at an early age, even before academic knowledge. He underlined that Üsküdar University pioneered this effort by introducing this course in 2013, even earlier than Harvard. Prof. Tarhan explained that although there are genes related to sacrifice and empathy, these genes can be “silenced” by an environment and education system that does not teach values. He stressed that despite our genetic predispositions, choosing kindness or aggression ultimately depends on “our free will” and the education we receive. Highlighting the biological tendency of the female brain toward empathy and inner reality, and of the male brain toward logic and external reality, Prof. Tarhan noted that the social roles reshaped by the industrial revolution now require a new balance. He added: “Let us not underestimate the acts of kindness we do; their ripple and contagious effects are immense. However, this magic only appears in sincere kindnesses that expect nothing in return.”
Companies should launch kindness projects
Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that leaving the responsibility of promoting kindness solely to the Presidency of Religious Affairs is a major mistake, since religion has now shifted from being an institutional identity to becoming an individual “state of being.” He pointed out that in Turkey, trust in religious communities and sects declined after July 15, and new NGOs, having become commercialized and worldly, also failed to provide a good representation. Prof. Tarhan warned that this gap can only be filled by the education system, companies, and other institutions. He suggested that companies seeking to strengthen corporate loyalty should initiate “kindness projects,” and that in schools, rewarding “selfless acts of kindness” would reduce violence and politicization among young people.