Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: “Social media acts as a catalyst in infidelity”

President of Üsküdar University and Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan was a live broadcast guest on TGRT Haber. Tarhan shared striking evaluations on the topic of “The Impact of Social Media on Divorce and the Concept of Family.” Stating that social media plays an accelerating and catalytic role in divorce processes, Tarhan noted that digital infidelity can evolve into physical infidelity over time.

“Digital infidelity can eventually evolve into physical infidelity”

Drawing attention to the concept of digital infidelity, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said, “Social media truly plays an important role in accelerating divorce rates. Digital infidelity is especially widespread. Digital infidelity can, over time, evolve into physical infidelity, and in many cases this is how it begins. In the past, there was a saying that a liar’s candle burns only until nightfall. Today, a liar’s candle burns until the internet. When people are not honest, open, and trustworthy with one another in family relationships, this becomes much easier with the influence of digitalization. This makes infidelity within families more visible. For this reason, divorce cases are seen much more frequently in weak and fragile families. Or if the parties have jealous personalities, such situations may be perceived as infidelity and the process can easily shift toward divorce. Therefore, social media has an accelerating and even catalytic effect here. Social media algorithms also do not operate in a preventive manner. The lack of transparency in algorithms and social algorithms leads to serious negative effects on family and close relationships.”

“Children pay the highest price”

Emphasizing that divorce rates are increasing on a global scale, Tarhan said, “This situation is not unique to Türkiye, it is observed all over the world. Divorce rates in Türkiye have also approached the global average significantly. For example, the rate of births outside marriage in Türkiye is 2.9 percent. This rate is still quite low. That means only 2.9 out of every 100 births occur outside marriage. However, this rate is much higher in Northern European countries. It is 59 percent in Sweden and Norway, 56 percent in France, and 40 percent in the United Kingdom. When we look at household fragility in Türkiye, we also see a significant change. Studies conducted over the last 10 years show that households of five people have decreased to three person households compared to the previous decade. This situation is closely related to the increase in divorce in marriages. Children pay the highest price for this. It would not be correct to hold social media solely responsible. However, it is clear that social media and digitalization have an accelerating effect on many problems. The fast paced lifestyle and changes in people’s life philosophies also play an important role. The meaning attributed to marriage has changed over time. There are many reasons for the increase in divorce rates, but we can comfortably say that social media has a catalytic effect in this process.”

“Lies have a virus like effect in relationships”

Stating that trust weakens where there is no open, transparent, and honest relationship, Tarhan said, “Love alone is not enough in relationships. When love is combined with honesty, trust is formed. When there is good cooperation, it becomes possible to cope with problems. Because there is no marriage without problems. Issues will inevitably arise. However, even jokingly, spouses should not lie to each other. Lies have a virus like effect in relationships. Once a lie begins, after a while the other party starts to think, ‘If there was a lie here, could this be a lie too, could that also be a lie?’ Thus, a constant state of suspicion begins in the relationship and the parties start trying to control everything. The digital sphere also comes into play at this point. For example, when someone comes home and places their phone face down or constantly hides it, the other party inevitably starts to think, ‘Why are they hiding information?’ Of course, there may be special circumstances or certain professions. If such a situation exists, it should be discussed and expressed openly and transparently. When this is done, mistrust does not arise. Therefore, trust weakens wherever there is no open, transparent, and accountable relationship.”

“The secret of a long and healthy life actually lies here”

Stating that people feel lonely within crowds, Tarhan said, “The United Nations points to three major dangers awaiting the future. The first is global income inequality, the second is climate change, and the third is loneliness. One of the most important causes of loneliness is the weakening of family bonds and the family entering a process of disintegration. Today, one of the biggest problems in the Western world is loneliness. People feel lonely within crowds. At this point, Harvard University has a very striking study that lasted 75 years. This study on healthy living can also be found online. In Boston, approximately 700 people, including university students and individuals living in disadvantaged neighborhoods, were followed regularly every year for 75 years. Their blood pressure, heart rates, lifestyles, social relationships, in short everything about their lives was examined. At the end of 75 years, among these individuals, most of whom lived beyond the age of 80, the question ‘Who is healthier and happier?’ was asked. When examined whether it was the rich or the famous, the result was very clear. Those with close, meaningful, and deep relationships. In other words, those with strong family ties. They have such warm and solid family bonds that the secret of a long and healthy life actually lies here.”

“If there is goodwill and love, a solution can be found”

Drawing attention to the fact that ego battles lead to divorce, Tarhan said, “Divorce is not a choice, it is a result. Crises and problems occur from time to time in marriage. The process that actually leads to divorce is ego battles that emerge with statements such as ‘You are right, I am right, what you say, what I say, your mother, my mother, your money, my money.’ In environments where such ego battles exist, if individuals are self centered, breakdowns occur much more easily. In such relationships, in order to prevent the process from moving toward divorce, help should be sought from third parties who can act as arbiters. We usually conduct evaluations that last about half a day with people who come with the idea of divorce. Here, we primarily look at whether there is goodwill and love in the marriage. If there is goodwill and love, a solution can definitely be found even if there are conflicts and communication problems. However, if there is no goodwill and love has been exhausted, producing a solution becomes much more difficult. Divorce is not divorcing motherhood or fatherhood, it is divorcing spousal roles. If divorce is to take place, it should be done through mutual agreement and reconciliation for the future of the children.”