Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, was a guest at the ‘‘Brotherhood Meeting from Heart to Heart’’ program organized by the Association of Religious Officials. In the program themed ‘‘Threats Against Our Family Structure in the 21st Century and the Protection of the Family’’, Tarhan delivered a presentation titled ‘‘Threats Against the Marriage Process and Beyond’’.
“Western civilization enriched the world but could not make it happy”
Stating that the rate of depression in men and women has increased, Tarhan said; “Western civilization enriched the world but could not make it happy. We bought into this. Turning to the family, according to a 2016 statistic on out-of-wedlock birth rates in European countries, the out-of-wedlock birth rate in Turkey is 2.9 percent, in France 59 percent, in Norway 56 percent, in Sweden 54 percent, and in Iceland 89 percent. What does this mean? Of every 100 children born, 54 to 60 of them do not have known parents or are born out of wedlock. Currently, in France, children born out of wedlock are no longer given parent names. They are given 'parent one, parent two' names. Since most children do not have a mother and father, they do not even use the word 'parent'; they call them 'caregivers'. Because they cannot mother. The child cannot grow up in an environment of love, a warm environment. That's why policies for the 0-3 age group are being rewritten worldwide, realizing this deficiency. Because the period when a child learns the most and develops fastest is that initial blossoming period of their brain. The blossoming period is when the brain sees and imitates everything.”
“A child without secure family ties is a lost child”
Emphasizing the importance of a warm family environment, Tarhan stated; “The brain's second blossoming period is adolescence, where it undergoes synaptic firing. In that period, the child learns through imitation and repetition in the first phase, and through persuasion in the second phase, adolescence. We must utilize these periods very well. If we use these two periods well, we will not lose our child. If our family provides a warm family environment, if our home is a safe space, let's not be afraid at all. Neither social media nor other cultures will harm them. The child will see some mistakes but will then also see that they are fake. They will return home and be protected from dangers by the warm, peaceful environment there. Where there is no family environment, there is no safe space. A child without secure family ties is a lost child. Therefore, if we are not upholding the family, if we are not valuing it, it means we are losing our future. If things continue like this, in 30 years we will also be like Switzerland and France.”
“An understanding that 'the individual is sacred, not the family' is becoming widespread”
Tarhan touched upon three illnesses that weaken the family; “The three illnesses that weaken the family are secularism, social anomie, and individualism. Secularism means we have become worldly, we have become selfish. We see the family as a hindrance. We bought this doctrine from the West. Social anomie, social norms have deteriorated, the walls protecting the family have collapsed, social norms in society have been destroyed. The only refuge left is the family. Gender inequality and incest have become normalized. In 2014, in Germany, a father had 4 children with his own daughter. They took it to court, saying 'This cannot be.' They sent the case to the ethics committee. The ethics committee said, 'This is freedom.' The West will currently accept incest as natural for 30 years. Open marriages are common, both partners are married, and both have lovers. This will be accepted as normal. An understanding that 'the individual is sacred, not the family' is becoming widespread. There is a relationship between attachment and addiction. Addiction is becoming widespread.”
“Every parent raises a potential leader”
Tarhan also spoke about leadership in the family; “According to research conducted on 54 thousand people, the conclusion is reached that 'trustworthiness in the family determines the family's leader'. The mother is a leader, the father is a leader, the teacher in the classroom is a leader, the district governor in a city is a leader, the mufti is a leader, the imam in the mosque is a leader... These leaders must first be leaders of their own selves. We call this neuro-leadership. Then they must be leaders of other people. That's why honesty comes first among those who determine trustworthiness. Leadership is important. Every parent raises a potential leader. We say 'I want my child to be smart and hardworking', but we cannot present them as a potential leader. Currently, a computer engineer is serving a 20-year sentence in prison for 3 espionage crimes. Smart, hardworking, but not successful. Therefore, academic success is not enough to be smart, hardworking, and successful. Being smart and hardworking provides academic success but does not provide moral success. We need to teach this first to ourselves, our children, our families, and our environment. Morality is a scientific category.” he concluded his speech.