Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that a child's first education is given in the family, stating that today, privacy education is presented as sexual education, whereas sexual education actually constitutes only 20 percent of privacy education. Tarhan pointed out that a child who learns the rules of life in the family becomes a responsible child, and that a child who does not learn these boundaries cannot have self-confidence, or can become an unlimited, irresponsible, spoiled child. Tarhan stated that privacy education is the education of learning life's boundaries.
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan: “Ideal education is education conducted with universal values. Many human values are taught, such as keeping one's word, not lying, being helpful, compassionate, and sharing, by saying 'This should be so because you are human, this should be so by virtue of your creation.'”
Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, evaluated the perception of privacy in children.
Privacy refers to a person's boundaries and private space
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the concept of privacy refers to a person's boundaries and private space, adding that the word 'mahremiyet' (privacy) etymologically comes from the roots of 'hürmet' (respect), 'mahrum bırakmak' (to deprive), and 'haram' (forbidden).
“Being able to keep a very private matter someone tells you as a secret also falls under privacy,” said Prof. Dr. Tarhan. “When privacy is mentioned, its meaning has narrowed a bit. Only sexual privacy is understood. In reality, privacy education is a person's moral norms education. That is, there are social norms, there are legal norms. We have social norms that protect us,” he said.
Humans evolve socially
Noting that a child's first education is given in the family, Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that respecting others' privacy, family privacy, and home privacy is a characteristic of humanity and is not found in any other living creature apart from humans.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that monkeys, even if they live among humans for a thousand years, cannot learn morality or privacy, saying, “Because their brains were not created with that inclination. The human brain was created with that inclination. The human brain does not evolve genetically and biologically after birth, it evolves socially. That is why the concept of evolution has changed now. What we call evolution actually always means being born as a wild child,” he said.
If a child learns the rules of life in the family, they become a responsible child
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that gender is assigned, but sexual identity is acquired. “Male and female identities are acquired. Societal identities and social roles are determined by cultures. Mating, biological marriage, is cultural. Therefore, these are learned. A child needs to have a structured family environment with duties, responsibilities, social boundaries, and relationship boundaries appropriate to their age, ability, and gender. If a child learns the rules of life in the family, they become a responsible child, a self-confident child. A child who does not learn these boundaries cannot have self-confidence, or becomes an unlimited, irresponsible, spoiled child,” he said.
In some cultures, you cannot caress someone's child without their permission
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “In some cultures, you cannot caress someone's child without their permission; they consider this violence, harassment. That is, without permission from their mother or father... We immediately show affection without realizing it. In our culture, that's normal, but in their culture, it means overstepping a privacy boundary. The child learns to protect their own privacy and also learns that others' privacy must be respected. They need to learn both.”
Tarhan: “The school has its conditions and rules. The home has its conditions and rules”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan noted that a child who does not grow up with rules at home assumes this is normal and tries to do the same at school, continuing as follows:
“The school has its conditions and rules. The home has its conditions and rules. These are not genetic; they are learned later. These need to be taught to the child. The duty of parents is not to try to make the child happy, but to prepare the child for life. To prepare them for the difficulties of life, to teach them where they should stand in life, how they should behave... It is necessary to teach them to manage life, just like learning to drive a car. Parents need to teach their child to be the captain of their own ship.
Even parents should not touch a child without their permission
Let's not understand privacy only in relation to sexual organs; that's too simple. To prevent sexual abuse and so on, we tell the child, since the concept of sexuality is not developed at a young age, 'Even I should not touch the parts covered by your underwear without your permission.' If the child learns this, they will say 'No' if someone else touches them.”
Tarhan: “We see that the child is not hyperactive, but spoiled. They don't know social boundaries”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that this education should be given in the family, stating the following:
“It is reinforced if supported in neighborly relations, in the neighborhood, in the social environment. It is reinforced if supported at school. Otherwise, a child cannot adapt at school anyway. They become a child who wanders between desks. They bring them to us as hyperactive, but we see that the child is not hyperactive, but spoiled. They don't know social boundaries, they don't know where to stand. They always want their own way. For example, they've always been the leader of the house. Such children don't know others' privacy. They take and use others' belongings without permission.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that a person learning to be respectful is related to their level of development, adding, “Respecting different ideas is the highest level of development. Europe learned this through the suffering of the Middle Ages.”
Tarhan: “Privacy education is given as sexual education…”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan explained that in the Ottoman Empire, according to the 1894 census, the non-Muslim population in Istanbul was 44 percent, and relations continued with respect for boundaries, but problems arose when the Ottoman power weakened. He continued, “The Japanese teach only their social values and cultural values for the first three years of primary school. Reading and writing are taught as secondary. We cannot do this. Children start to become more irresponsible, more disrespectful. The reason for this is that our education system is not suitable for our culture. Privacy education is given as sexual education. Sexual education is only about 20 percent of privacy education. The other 80 percent is other areas. Before, there were rules of etiquette. Now, that doesn't exist either,” he said.
When should privacy education begin?
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that privacy education should be given from the moment a child is born, saying, “For example, when caressing a child, one should not caress their bottom. If you caress their bottom, it becomes an object of affection. The child enjoys being caressed there. They perceive it as a sexual object. Parents play with the child's penis. Parents tell their son to show it to his uncle. These are actually wrong ways of teaching privacy to the child. They give alcohol to 8-10 year old children, and cigarettes saying 'you're a man now, you've grown up.'”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan also explained what should be done: “From the time children start walking, they should be taught 'This is your toy, this is your sister's toy, don't take it without her permission,' parents should not take items from their room without their permission, the child's room and drawers should not be searched without their permission, and one should knock on the door before entering the child's room.” He noted that when this happens, the child will also say 'they respect my privacy' and will in turn respect the privacy of their mother and father.
Children should be raised according to cultural values from a young age
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that when children are raised according to cultural values from a young age, they will not experience many difficulties when they grow up. “The child does it naturally. It's too late when you suddenly tell them to do this because they've entered puberty. It needs to be done lovingly from a young age,” he said.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that the West provides education by sanctifying rules, adding, “But ideal education is education conducted with universal values. Many human values are taught, such as keeping one's word, not lying, being helpful, compassionate, and sharing, by saying 'This should be so because you are human, this should be so by virtue of your creation.' Respecting the rights of others, being able to protect one's own rights, being able to protect one's own privacy is actually empathy education. Empatia education is referred to as 'diğergamlık' (altruism) in our culture. We stopped using the word 'diğergam' and forgot it; the word 'empathy' replaced it. Empathy also takes its place, and its use is certainly beneficial. A person who can look at events from the perspective of others' rights and needs can learn privacy. Privacy education is the education of learning the boundaries of life. Not doing to others what I do not want done to myself…” he concluded.