Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, participated in the ‘Values Education Workshop’ organized by Erzurum Güneş College. Tarhan addressed the topic of ‘Qualified Communication in Values Education’ at the online workshop. In his speech, Tarhan, who spoke about the elements of qualified communication, pointed out that communication is actually an interaction. Tarhan stated that humans are relational beings and were not created to live alone. Expressing that values education should be taught as the best form of opportunity education, Tarhan said; “Values are valuable because they lead to a purpose.”
“Values are not given as advice in this era”
Emphasizing that values education should be explained by developing methods appropriate to the characteristics of our age, Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said; “Communication actually means interaction. In interaction, both sides benefit. Values education is not effective when given like a teacher, but it is effective when given as a horizontal relationship. Both sides learn something from each other. This also applies to close relationships and experiences, family experiences, school experiences, and social life experiences. For this reason, values are not, and cannot be, given through conferences or sermons. That is, values are not given as advice in this era; in ancient times, people accepted great figures without questioning, but in this era, people question everything. We need to provide values education according to the characteristics and methods of this age. When we give values education in a classical, traditional way, it goes in one ear and out the other.”
“Humans learn humanity later…”
Tarhan emphasized that humans were created as relational beings and were not created to live alone; “Communication means establishing a bond. For example, there is a bond between mother and child, in the family, and in gatherings. Humans are relational beings by creation. Humans were not created to live alone. Humans were created as relational and social beings. Humans are born neuropsychologically premature. That is, they are born physically normal but mentally premature. For example, a duck swims as soon as it hatches, a giraffe or a cow's calf wobbles a bit after birth and then stands, but a human baby is not like that; it can only stand at one year old. At fifteen, it distinguishes good from bad, meaning humans learn all of humanity later.”
“Fear pushes to lies, lowers self-confidence”
Tarhan stated that in a culture of pressure, people feel the need to lie; “The most important leg of communication is how we establish it. In traditional cultures, until the 20th century, until the industrial age, people were always governed by fear, despotism, and pressure. Eastern cultures continue this. Because Eastern cultures continue this, there is a lot of lying and deceit here. Western cultures have somehow transformed this not into a culture of fear but into an accountable culture with open, transparent communication, thus creating a safe environment. People have thus not felt the need to lie, but in cultures of pressure, people feel the need to lie. This is also true within the family; if you want to teach a child honesty, you cannot do it with a culture of fear. They tell defensive lies and grow up normalizing lying. Currently, many people lie because despotism has become the governing principle in the family. That is, fear pushes to lies, lowers self-confidence, and pushes the individual to imitate those they see as superior. Therefore, establishing a bond in communication is very important.”
“How values are acquired mentally should be questioned”
Tarhan emphasized the importance of the principle of equality for establishing proper communication; “In complying with family rules and mandatory responsibilities such as time, money, and education, everyone should be given equal opportunities in the distribution of freedom and opportunities. The father should not always eat the best part of the meal, nor should certain individuals always sit at the head of the house. The feeling of autonomy is also very important; one must respect the other party's autonomy. Every individual should feel both belonging to the family and free. Values can be transmitted when close relationships and experiences are conveyed. When values are transmitted, people ask whether that value is lived in one's own life. If it is not lived in one's private life, no one will accept that transmission. So, when we give values education to young people, we must say, ‘How does one acquire these values mentally?’”
“Values are the traffic signs in our lives”
Tarhan noted that the 21st century is the period when values are most needed; “Globally, drug use has increased significantly, immorality has increased, lies and deceit have increased, intrigue has increased, and trust among people has weakened. In such a situation, the need for values has begun. For this reason, the 21st century will be the century of values, the century of wisdom. Values are the traffic signs in our lives. A traffic sign does not work for itself; a traffic sign is used to guide others. Values are like this, so values are not sacred in themselves. Values are valuable because they lead to a purpose. Make them into value judgments that will lead you to important places. If you can do this, it will lead you to good, right, and beautiful goals. For example, another value is fairness. Regarding rights, there should be a distribution where everyone can feel just. Limitations on parental rights must be clear. Love is also a value in the same way. The warm relationships created by love are the most valuable bond of the family.”
“Open, transparent, sincere relationships and time…”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that the fundamental component of healthy communication is trust; “In the Gaza events, the injustices there, the way those people stood like nobles, caused people seeking truth to read the Quran with tears. It made people say, ‘These people sincerely believe in a creator and stand strong for that, they love.’ The approach of a bearded grandfather taking a child into his arms with compassion, and approaching that deceased child with complete surrender, ended the concept of Islamophobia in the world. Islamophobia has been fought for years, books have been written, we have given speeches, but none have been as effective. The most important things here are trust, the ability to establish open, transparent, sincere relationships, and time… This develops over time.”
“When one believes in a value, one starts to make decisions according to that value”
Tarhan stated that values create automatic shortcuts in the brain; “If our body is a state, our brain is like a government. When emotion and thought combine, they become a belief; beliefs become values; if our beliefs persist, they become habits; and if habits persist, they become personality. This is a six-month process; therefore, when thought plus emotion turns into a belief in the brain, as if an enter key has been pressed, an automatic shortcut is formed in that person’s brain. What we call values is actually creating automatic shortcuts in the brain. When a person believes in a value, they begin to make their decisions according to that value.”
“Values education should be taught as the most beautiful form of opportunity education”
Tarhan emphasized the importance of values education in the social sphere, as well as in close relationships and within the family; “In the sense of privacy, one must respect the other party's privacy, essence, and sacredness. What makes a human civilized is being able to draw a fence between their own cave and their neighbor's cave. Boundaries are very important; just as there are boundaries in apartments, flats, villages, and fields, there are also boundaries in human relationships. Another feeling is being balanced. Being determined, consistent, and continuous… If it snows with a storm, it doesn't stick much, but if it snows slowly, it sticks; similarly, if values and behaviors are determined, consistent, and continuous, they stick. That is, people who experience four seasons in one day cannot teach values to their children. Values education is important in the social sphere, as well as in close relationships and within the family. Values education should be taught as the best form of opportunity education.”
“Removing prejudice is the most important form of persuasion”
Tarhan stated that persuasion is an important element of modernization; “Those who use persuasion must ensure they meet six criteria: eliminating prejudices, reaching the person’s autonomous desires, providing honest, impartial, evidence-based information about potential harms and benefits, providing a reasonable interpretation of this information, including information about the best-decided person’s belief set and views, and using reason instead of emotion when addressing patients’ feelings to balance their current emotional reactions. When emotion and thought mix, there is confusion in a person. People mistake emotion for thought. When they use reason about emotion, they separate emotion from thought and do not mistake their feelings for values. In this situation, people do not mistake their feelings for opinions, do not mistake them for beliefs, and say, ‘This feeling is not real.’ We also use this in obsessions; that is, it is necessary to avoid forming prejudices and to be sensitive to changing preferences. Because persuasion is likely to change a person’s views and perspectives. Removing prejudice is the most important form of persuasion. Prejudice is a cognitive mechanism and false belief that negatively affects a patient's decision-making. This is the method in psychotherapy. One needs to find their false beliefs and replace them with correct beliefs.”
“Values education is a process, not a state”
Tarhan noted that happiness and peace are not the same thing; “What we call happiness is pleasure right now. Peace is long-lasting. Peace is a state where a person can feel safe and at peace with themselves. Happiness, on the other hand, is pleasure, short-lived and fake happiness. It is dopamine happiness, but serotonin is related to the feeling of peace, of being at peace with oneself. That is why a decrease in serotonin is the most common cause of depression. Here, leadership styles in communication are very important. Therefore, we need to walk the path of life together with our spouses, children, colleagues, or students. Values education is also setting out on a journey together. Values education is a process, not a state. Therefore, we need to be a good example. We need to explain through our actions.”
Reporter: Eda Nur Keçeci