Üsküdar University Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, participated in the “Family and Culture Literature” Camp organized by Anadolu Mektebi. Tarhan met with young people in a talk titled “The Family: The Last Refuge.” Tarhan stated that the roots of positive psychology lie in Anatolian wisdom and Eastern philosophy, emphasizing that the West is now also benefiting from this accumulation of knowledge. Stating that the family is the last bastion of society, Tarhan drew attention to the threats posed by digitalization and individualization, and said that there is a global flood threatening the existence of the family, and that a ship must be built to save the family from this flood.
Young people showed great interest in the talk held in Kocaeli Aytepe this year, organized by Anadolu Mektebi with the theme 'Family Year.' Journalist Şaban Özdemir moderated the talk, which took place in an open-air amphitheater.
The camp was organized at the Aytepe Diriliş Youth Camp site in Başiskele district with the support of Kocaeli Metropolitan Municipality, the Presidency for Turks Abroad and Related Communities (YTB), and the Turkish Cooperation and Coordination Agency (TİKA).
In addition, 290 teachers, parents, high school and university students from 38 provinces, as well as 66 students from Azerbaijan, Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Bosnia and Herzegovina, and the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus participated in the camp.
“We are standing on such a treasure that we are not aware of it”
Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, stating that the state of well-being is derived from Eastern wisdom, said: “Classical psychology brings the negative to zero, correcting pathology, but positive psychology takes zero to positive. That is, it creates a state of goodness, a state of well-being. This is taken from Mevlana, from our Eastern wisdom. They have especially benefited from our belief system, the Holy Quran, and our centuries-old cultural heritage. They have systematized this, developed methodology, and presented it as a science. We in Anatolia are standing on such a treasure that we are not aware of it.
For example, in 2015, Harvard University included positive psychology as a course in its curriculum. In 2018, Yale University, and in 2019, Bristol University in England, added it to their courses as a solution to the suicide epidemic. As Üsküdar University, we included it in our program in 2013 and still teach it. This course is essentially the narration of Anatolian wisdom with a scientific methodology. It is the expression of our values, our belief system. It includes forgiveness, stress management, anger management. On the other hand, there are gratitude modules and values modules. All these are explained with scientific methodology. In fact, in America, children are educated by taking them to these courses in high schools and middle schools, just as they would be taken to a movie or a game. Because a global social decay is being experienced, and they are resorting to this as a solution. How successful are they? Of course, it's better than nothing, but we are already sitting on this treasure. That's why I wrote books like Mesnevi Therapy, Yunus Therapy, Love Therapy. These books, published in 2012, are a synthesis of Anatolian culture and positive science,” he began his words.
It is possible to be as wise as Mevlâna and as productive as Edison!
Tarhan, stating that Anatolian wisdom is a very valuable treasure, said: “Not only Turkey but all humanity needs this treasure. We need to evaluate this treasure as if we are operating a mine. For this reason, the young people here should consider themselves lucky to be in such an opportunity. Because they will see its great benefits in the future. When making a decision, forming a relationship with the opposite sex, or encountering an obstacle, the information they gain here guides them. We see this in our training programs. In first-year classes, a pre-test is administered before the curriculum is given, and a post-test is administered at the end of the training. In the learning outcomes, young people use expressions like ‘My relationship with my friend improved’ or ‘I was using substances, I quit.’ Those who say these are university students. We must raise such people who are both as wise as Mevlâna and as productive as Edison. The synthesis of these two is possible, and our era requires it. This is the type of human we need to raise. When we look at the West today, we see an increase in suicides and violence, and they are seeking solutions. At this point, Eastern wisdom offers solutions, and they have now started to use it.” he said.
“True happiness is the happiness of meaning”
Tarhan, speaking about the damage Hollywood culture has done to the philosophy of life, said: “Aristotle divided happiness into two 2,500 years ago. One is hedonic happiness, the other is eudemonic happiness. Hedonic happiness is the happiness of pleasure, meaning a person choosing pleasure as their ego ideal. But Aristotle says this will not make a person happy. True happiness is eudemonic, which is the happiness of meaning. Humans should pursue meaning. Currently, the global culture is Hollywood culture. This culture said, ‘Our philosophy of life is to pursue pleasure.’ The capitalist system also used this for consumption. With the 'earn and consume' cycle, it changed the sacred values, importance, and priorities of young people. This understanding spread very rapidly, especially in the last 10-15 years, under the influence of Hollywood, digital technologies, and digital platforms. Economically, it is predicted that the global welfare level will be even better in 10-20 years. However, social welfare and psychological welfare are not at the same level. Happiness science studies are being conducted on this. For example, the per capita national income in the USA is currently approximately 70 thousand dollars. Compared to 50 years ago, there is a large increase, but when looking at happiness scales, scores show a decrease compared to 50 years ago. While people's material well-being increases, their psychological and spiritual well-being does not. This is currently the most debated topic. Because an internal decay is being experienced. The USA and the world are experiencing a similar decay to what Rome experienced in its later periods. Unfortunately, we also bought into this internal and social decay, and the first area affected by this decay was the family. When the cells in the body function healthily, the body is healthy. The family is also the cells of society. If the cell's DNA is damaged, all cells become sick. Similarly, if the family breaks down, the fabric of society is also damaged.” he said.
Why is the family the last refuge?
Tarhan, stating that digital platforms have become the open door of the home, said: “If there are social problems in a society, we can liken it to a city. There is an outer fortress protecting the city. If the outer fortress fails, the inner fortress takes over and protects the city. The family is such a last refuge. There are three things that protect society. The first are legal norms, the second are social norms. Legal norms alone are not sufficient. Social norms, that is, traditions and customs, used to protect the family. The third and most important protector is the family. Today, digital platforms have become the open door of the home. Even the family, which is the last bastion, may no longer be a sufficiently safe space on its own. Therefore, every mother and every father must protect themselves first, and then their child, just as one would protect a fortress. We must keep our family as a safe space. There is no need for pessimism here. Despite global storms and social problems, if we turn our home into a safe haven, a nest of love, the children raised there, even if they encounter problems in the outside world, eventually return home and can forge a new path for themselves. There is a global threat, a flood, threatening the family. We must build the ship that will save the family from this threat and flood. In other words, there is a solution. The old protections are gone; social and legal protections have weakened. Therefore, we must protect ourselves first, and then our children. We need to approach it in a solution-oriented way.” he said.
“We are in an era where individualism is sanctified”
Tarhan, stating that effort should accompany good intentions, said: “We are in an era where individualism is sanctified. Sacred values have shifted, and this has created a spiritual void. In such situations, what can be done emerges through individual efforts and endeavors. If we keep our intentions good and pure and strive, doors open before us. This is also stated in Hadith Qudsi: ‘If you have a beautiful intention and sincere effort, I am its completer.’ This is the word of Allah. From this, we understand that good intentions alone are not enough; effort is also needed alongside intention. Therefore, we must be well-intentioned individually, but our intentions should not be ego-centric or self-serving. We must have an ego ideal. That is, ‘What kind of person do I want to be at the end of my life? How do I want to be useful to society? What do I want to do?’ We must ask these questions and strive in this direction. When this process reaches a certain point, it resembles a river. When the river flows into the sea, small islands are formed, and over time, that area becomes fertile with alluvium. As we do and accumulate good, right, and beautiful things, all of these transform into a great revival, a rebirth. Therefore, what we need most is not to be pessimistic. We must keep hope high. Because everything has a solution, but the moment we fall into despair, we accept defeat.” he said.
“The ‘S’s in marriage form the cornerstones of relationships”
Tarhan, speaking about the essentials of a healthy relationship, said: “The ‘S’s in marriage form the cornerstones of relationships. The first S is love. Love contains compassion. Compassion is an unconditional love. The second S is respect. The developed form of respect is courtesy. If love is water, respect is its container. The two complement each other. The third S is patience. It is very important in marriage and relationships. Generations born of digitalization and the global system have become hasty and impatient. Yet, in life, reward is given to those who endure. Patience is a meditative act; it is not passive withdrawal. Patience is active. There are two types of patience: negative and positive patience. Patience is adapting to the speed and rhythm of nature; it is patience in motion. The fourth S is fidelity. Fidelity is both attachment and truthfulness. Fidelity is essential for the formation of secure attachment. A child's healthy development and strong relationships between spouses depend on secure attachment. Everything that weakens trust, especially lying and selfishness, depletes love. These turn marriage into ego wars. They lead to arguments like ‘What you say, what I say,’ ‘Your money, my money.’ Today, behind most issues between men and women are these ego wars. The fifth S is sincerity. Sincerity is heartfeltness. Sincerity has a fascinating effect in close relationships. Because when a person is sincere, mirror neurons in the brain activate. Mirror neurons in the other person's brain also activate, and the persuasion process begins. Neurobiology studies also show that strong emotions activate the same regions in the other person. Brains don't lie; they communicate with each other. This is why the sincerity of people close to God has affected even the hearts of their enemies, causing them to gather around them. Sincerity has a biological counterpart in the human brain. That is why good intention and sincerity are especially emphasized in all holy books. The sixth S is responsibility. Taking responsibility for life, taking responsibility for the future, taking responsibility for children… This is also an essential for a healthy relationship.” he said.
“If there is good cooperation, love can last a lifetime”
Tarhan, stating that love is a compelling emotion, said: “In marriage, love is a very powerful emotion. It truly intoxicates a person. It's not for nothing that it's said, ‘Love is blind, if not for mothers-in-law.’ A person in love sees their beloved wherever they look. They look at a tree, they see them; they look at birds, they see them; they look at a clock, a wall, they see them everywhere. The word 'aşk' (love) comes from the Arabic root for ivy. It wraps around like ivy and begins to live with it. Think of the story of Layla and Majnun. Majnun strives for years to be reunited with Layla. The moment of reunion arrives, and while everyone rejoices, Majnun suddenly gives up. Because the Layla in his imagination is not the same as the Layla in front of him. That's why it was called 'maşuk' (the beloved, object of love). Love itself is compelling. If there is good cooperation, love can last a lifetime. If there is no good cooperation, love evaporates over time. Therefore, establishing cooperation in love is very important.” he said.
“Happiness is possible by accepting and sustaining the new union”
Tarhan, drawing attention to the connection between forest and family, said: “In a forest, trees talk and share with each other. There is order and a relationship in a forest. The family is actually like this, an ecosystem with healthy relationships. What makes a forest a forest is water. Water flow ensures the continuity of life. Hydrogen and oxygen are normally free in the atmosphere. Before marriage, two people are also free, just like them. However, when hydrogen and oxygen combine, their individual freedoms do not remain separate; a new life form, water, emerges. Water is both productive and a source of life. Marriage is also like this. There is no formula like ‘I will be married, I will remain single, I will be free.’ When two people come together, they become like H₂O; they exist not as separate entities but as a new and common life form. Happiness is possible by accepting and sustaining this new union.” he concluded his words.