Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that kindness reduces stress, activates the brain's reward center, and extends life, saying, "All evidence shows that doing good has an antidepressant effect. We can even say that the most beautiful antidepressant is kindness."
Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, discussed the topic of Kindness and its Psychology on the program 'Akla Ziyan with Nevzat Tarhan', broadcast on EKOTÜRK.
Generous people live happier and longer
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan drew attention to "the psychology of kindness," which has become an important sub-branch of positive psychology in recent years, stating, "A comprehensive study conducted by Harvard Business School on businessmen in 136 countries found that businessmen who are benevolent and generous are both happier and live longer on average than those who are not. This is one of the clearest pieces of evidence showing that kindness directly affects quality of life and longevity."
Kindness reduces stress!
Prof. Dr. Tarhan also touched upon the neurological and hormonal effects of doing good, stating, "It was found that in people who regularly perform acts of kindness, the ACTH hormone, known as the 'fight or flight' hormone and a trigger for cortisol, is secreted 23% less. Even when a person imagines doing good, the ventral striatum region, the brain's reward center, becomes active. This leads to the secretion of dopamine, the pleasure and focus chemical, and oxytocin, the bonding hormone, in the brain. All this evidence shows that doing good has an antidepressant effect. We can even say that the most beautiful antidepressant is kindness. In other words, doing good is the best antidepressant."
Kindness is contagious…
Emphasizing the contagious "ripple effect" of kindness, Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated, "There are studies showing that an act of kindness by one person can reach 300 people in a short time. A young man, apprehensive of his boss, gives a tie as a gift to his difficult boss based on advice he received in a course. Although his boss initially scolds him, he is touched by the young man's sincerity and decides to buy a gift for his own son. His son, who starts crying upon receiving the gift, confesses, 'Dad, I was planning to commit suicide tonight because no one loves me.' This is the ripple effect of kindness. Kindness truly has an antidepressant effect. It affects both a person's brain functions and chemistry, as well as other people. When doing good, one shouldn't immediately think of grand gestures. A loving gaze, a smile, a few kind words, a heartfelt greeting, or seeking forgiveness are also among the most valuable acts of kindness. Even saying 'I'm sorry if I broke your heart' has tremendous healing power."
The psychology of kindness has neurobiological foundations
Prof. Dr. Tarhan pointed out that kindness and the psychology of kindness have neurobiological foundations, emphasizing that the psychology of kindness is not merely an individual virtue but also forms the basis of social and economic well-being.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan reminded that writer Cemil Meriç defined kindness done with expectation of return as "usury," and stated that true and selfless kindness forms the greatest capital by increasing social bonds and societal trust.
Referring to Kahneman, the founder of behavioral economics, Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that even major economic decisions are made not purely based on self-interest, but on psychological factors such as trust and love, adding, "As Fukuyama also noted, investments increase in high-trust societies because trust reduces risks. At the heart of a trusting environment lie reciprocal and selfless acts of kindness."
Kindness projects reduce peer bullying in schools…
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the most effective way to combat evil is to make kindness an educational policy, emphasizing that Turkey should integrate these values, which exist in its own culture, into the education system.
"Our education system did not prioritize the culture of charity and mutual aid, which already existed in our culture, assuming it was learned from the family. However, families are no longer the sole transmitters of culture. If we don't teach these values in schools, our children will be deprived of them," said Prof. Dr. Tarhan, adding, "In schools where children are encouraged with random acts of kindness projects, both peer bullying and incidents of violence decrease."
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that the aim of the education system should not be to raise robotic individuals, but to raise compassionate and good people with developed social and emotional intelligence, adding, "The smile created by a hand extended to a crying person, or a piece of bread given, makes both the receiver and the giver happy. We must teach this happiness to our children."
Kindness to the lazy encourages laziness
Prof. Dr. Tarhan, stating that there is something called 'compassion fatigue,' said, "Kindness shown to lazy people encourages them to be lazy, and kindness shown to selfish people encourages them to feed like parasites. This is the misuse of kindness and doing harm, not good, to the other party."
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan drew attention to the fine line between the "right and wrong" application of kindness, stating, "While saying 'I am doing good,' we should question what we are adding to the other person's life and whether this kindness leads them to good and right. Acts of kindness done merely to make ourselves feel good, lacking true meaning, cause long-term harm."
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that the principle of "teaching someone to fish instead of giving them fish" also applies to kindness, saying, "Something obtained without effort or toil is not valued. If you constantly give things to a person without them putting in effort, you distance them from taking responsibility. This could be your child, or a relative. This is not compassion, but 'compassion fatigue' or an attempt to satisfy one's own ego."
"If you do good to the wrong person, leeches will gather around you," said Prof. Dr. Tarhan, adding, "If you complain about people who are with you when you are strong and disappear when you fall, the reason is usually the wrong acts of kindness you performed in due course. Kindness should be done to those who deserve it, in a deserving manner, and in a way that develops the other party."
One of the most effective methods in treating narcissism is "doing silent acts of kindness"…
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that one of the most effective methods in treating narcissism, one of the most common problems of the modern age, is "doing silent acts of kindness," saying, "Giving money to a beggar with one hand and taking a selfie with the other is not kindness, but ego gratification. True healing is kindness done silently, without showing anyone, and which trains narcissistic impulses."
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the ostentation and self-promotion attempts displayed while doing good are contrary to the spirit of kindness, and added that such actions generally do not receive the expected attention and come across as "cold."
Prof. Dr. Tarhan noted that they advise individuals with narcissistic personality traits or high narcissism scores not to tell or show anyone about an act of kindness they performed, saying, "There is a voice inside a person that says 'tell everyone, show them.' Being able to keep kindness a secret despite this voice is one of the most powerful ways for a person to train their own narcissism and self-serving impulses."
Acts of kindness to children should not be used as a "threat or means of obedience"
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that it is wrong for families to use acts of kindness towards their children as a "threat or means of obedience," saying, "When giving money to your child, do not give it as a tip to satisfy your own ego. Give them an 'entitlement' to teach them responsibility and budget management. Otherwise, you will raise individuals who cannot learn money management."
He also drew attention to common "kindness mistakes" in family relationships, stating that the logic of "I'm doing you a favor, so you do what I say" causes great harm in child-rearing.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that parents who constantly expect something in return and complain, saying "I sacrificed everything for you," are not actually doing good for their children; on the contrary, they are disturbing both themselves and their children. He expressed that this situation leads to "compassion fatigue" and personalities with low life satisfaction.
How to practice healthy empathy?
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that empathy is often misunderstood as "putting oneself in the other person's shoes," and said, "Healthy empathy is understanding the other person without forgetting one's own identity and boundaries. Completely sacrificing oneself without protecting one's boundaries is a psychological problem called 'sacrifice schema' and leads to 'compassion fatigue'."
Emphasizing the difference between empathy and sympathy, Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated, "When one baby cries in daycare, and others start crying too, that is sympathy. Those babies have not yet learned the distinction between their own pain and someone else's pain. Healthy empathy, however, is being able to say, 'They are suffering, I should help them, but I must also protect my own rights and boundaries'."
We are losing cultural values like benevolence
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that Turkey faces the risk of losing its cultural values such as warmth and benevolence if it fails to pass them on to younger generations. He emphasized that countries like Japan and leading Western universities such as Harvard and Yale have found solutions to this problem by teaching values education and "Psychology of Kindness" to children at an early age, even before academic knowledge, and that Üsküdar Üniversitesi pioneered this by starting this course in 2013, even before Harvard.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that there are genes related to sacrifice and empathy, but these genes can be "silenced" by an environment and education system that does not teach values. He underlined that despite our genetic predispositions, choosing kindness or aggression depends on our "free will" and the education we receive.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that the biological predisposition of the female brain to empathy and inner reality, and the male brain to logic and external reality, requires a new balance with the changing social roles brought about by the industrial revolution, adding, "Let's not underestimate the good deeds we do; their ripple and contagious effect is immense. However, this magic only emerges in sincere acts of kindness from which no return is expected."
Companies should initiate kindness projects
Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that it is a big mistake to leave the responsibility of doing good solely to the Presidency of Religious Affairs, as religion has ceased to be an institutional identity and has transformed into an individual "state." He also expressed that trust in religious communities and sects in Turkey eroded after July 15, and new NGOs, by becoming commercialized and secularized, have failed to provide good representation.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan warned that this void can only be filled by the education system, companies, and other institutions, adding that companies wishing to increase corporate belonging should initiate "kindness projects," and in schools, rewarding "selfless acts of kindness" would reduce violence and politicization among young people.