Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, Founding Rector of Üsküdar Üniversitesi, participated in an online interview titled ‘New Generation Global Problems’ organized jointly by 7 schools on Istanbul’s Anatolian side. During the online interview, which delved into the common problems families face with young people today, Tarhan made striking remarks. Tarhan described initial values as seeds planted in a child's developing soul and stated that culture and value transmission is now carried out by media tools and social media. Warning that 'Social media has become the leader of the family. Social media is now raising children,' Tarhan also advised that one should be a subject, not an object, of social media.
Interest in the “New Generation Global Problems” interview, held with the participation of teachers and parents from İstanbul Yüksel İlhan Alanyalı Science High School, Kartal Anatolian High School, Burak Bora Anatolian High School, Tuzla Anatolian Imam Hatip High School, Selçuk Eraydın Anatolian Imam Hatip High School, Mehmet Akif Ersoy Anatolian Imam Hatip High School, and Medine Tayfur Sökmen Anatolian Imam Hatip High School, was intense.
Parents from the earthquake region also participated in the program, moderated by Ertuğrul Tut, Director of Educational Institutions and Guidance Services at Üsküdar Üniversitesi.
“The first learned values are seeds planted in a child’s developing soul”
Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, speaking about the role and impact of social media in cultural transmission during the highly-attended online program, stated that social media now carries out cultural transmission more than families and schools. Tarhan said: “Social media is a technology. We call Generation X the radio generation, Generation Y the television generation, and Generation Z the social media generation. Cultural transmission was previously done by families, but after radio, television, and social media, it is now primarily done by social media, more than by families and schools. In such a situation, many values that make a human being human, and values that determine which direction a person will go in life, are learned this way. Just as there are road signs and traffic signs for people to navigate in traffic, there are also ethical rules and values for people to follow on their life path, concerning whether they will go in a good or bad direction. These are like guideposts in a person’s life. The first values learned while progressing on the path of life are seeds planted in a child's developing soul. These seeds are first planted by parents. The seeds grow, sprout, become a tree, or may not sprout at all. For the seeds to sprout, an environment and a good climate are needed. Creating this climate is the concern of the education system. Social relations and social culture play a significant role here; all these are learned by seeing and experiencing. In other words, ethical rules or values that a person needs to learn to be healthy and happy in life are not learned from books. They are learned through experience. The most ideal learning method is learning by doing. This method involves the events a person experiences in their life. Shock experiences and traumas can be given as examples.”
“Social media is now raising children the most”
In his speech, Tarhan emphasized that families today need to spend time with their children; “Social media has become the leader of the family. Social media is now raising children the most. If we make time for children, time to discuss good and bad, right and wrong, there's no need to be afraid. If a child loves their home, if there is a warm atmosphere at home, if communication is possible at home, let's make the home a charming, attractive environment, let's foster a home culture with dreams and rules. Have your dreams, have your future plans, but also have your rules.”
“Children experience sexual identity chaos during early adolescence”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that children can experience sexual identity chaos, especially during early adolescence; “During early adolescence, children experience sexual identity chaos. Gender, defined as sexual identity and social gender, is understood as the sexual role society assigns to that person. Society, as a gender role, normally taught feminine behaviors as the role for someone born biologically female. Wearing pink dresses appropriate for the female gender, wearing skirts, and behaviors appropriate for the mothering role were taught, but some children are not like that… Some girls are not raised like girls but like boys. A child’s sexual identity education should be given at a young age. For example, boys sometimes grow up among their aunts, paternal aunts, and older sisters. When that boy makes girl-like movements, everyone rejoices, encourages them, and can dress them in a tulle skirt and make them play… They also learn to behave like a girl, and this epigenetically becomes genetic polymorphism; it is not inherited, but if a person's education in this style continues, it remains valid as a residue. Genetic polymorphism changes because; if work, life, environment, and a person’s mental choices persist, the body produces appropriate genetics and appropriate proteins accordingly.”
“Disintegrating the family, reducing the population, and increasing single-parent families is the goal…”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan pointed out that the world population is seen as the new formula for family planning; “In the 1960s, family planning was also carried out in Turkey. All villages were visited, and it was effective in Western Anatolia but not in Eastern Anatolia. In Western Anatolia, the population currently means each family has one child. The population has significantly decreased; they stopped our population growth. These efforts are part of family planning initiatives. They say, ‘If the world population increases, the world will become uninhabitable.’ Global elites say, ‘We cannot manage or rule the world.’ There is a new social gender policy as a population reduction protocol policy. Essentially, it suggests that gender doesn't exist, and one should live however they feel their gender is… This has no purely scientific basis. It is merely a trend created by the media, something done by global capital. It was a population planning policy designed to disintegrate the family, reduce the population, and increase single-parent families. We need to see this too. Currently, when you look at social media or various television channels, there is conscious, regulated propaganda. This is something done intentionally. In other words, we see these as encouraging approaches by those who want to change social perceptions on this issue, seriously attempting to convey this topic innocently.”
“Winds of freedom are blowing all over the world”
Tarhan underlined that a closed society is not possible in today’s world, and even if it were, it would not last long; “One of the most important characteristics of the 21st century is that winds of freedom are blowing all over the world. A closed society has become a thing of the past globally. In a place like Turkey, geographically and geopolitically located at such a crossroads, it is impossible and not right to make itself a closed society… So what will we do? We are living in a time that is both good and bad...
Aşık Veysel has a beautiful saying here; ‘If the wolf and the lamb spoke the same language, would they ever fight?’ he asks. Therefore, the wolf and the lamb are together, but when the wolf and the lamb, when you draw the lines of good and evil, when you speak the same language, they cannot harm each other. Let social media enter your home and do as much harm as it wants. What parents need to do here is to tell their children what they disapprove of, what they deem appropriate and inappropriate. If parents dive into smartphones and say everything randomly, whether necessary or unnecessary, they become objects of social media. Ibn Khaldun has a saying, when asked, ‘How do you raise a child?’ Ibn Khaldun said, ‘There is no need for a special formula to educate a child; your child will be as you are.’ Therefore, if parents demonstrate a good family environment, a warm environment, it is very important to spend enough time with the child. Role sharing in the family is also very important. Being a good mother, a good father, a good spouse… All these roles must be lived out as they are. You can establish a good factory, you can be a good manager, but can you be a good father or mother? To be a father and to be a mother, you need to make a special effort. For this, there are values of motherhood and fatherhood.”
“Currently, people’s sacred things have become their worldly interests”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan spoke about the need to give importance to children as much as to money; “This is a dreadful time... Two concepts have become sacred in this era: one is the concept of worldliness, and the second is the concept of selfishness. Currently, people's sacred things have become their worldly interests. Things like fame, money, status, which are abundant and marketed on social media… Pleasure has become sanctified, it has become hedonism. People used pleasure as ego management, saying, ‘what I like is good, what I don't like is bad.’ If this is the case, when a child doesn’t like something, they will fight with their parents, and if they don't like it, they won't study. However, for a person to reach a goal, they sometimes need to do things they don't like. Therefore, when educating a child, it is necessary to teach them life's purposes. It is also necessary to teach the meaning and purposes of life. The first thing we need to teach a child is caution, the second is for the home to be a compassionate and warm environment, and the third is to teach the child the meaning and purposes of life. Parents will do this themselves and teach it to their children. The human brain is a self-programming organ. If we program our brain to be a certain kind of person, not to lie, to be a good person, to be honest, when a liar comes, we automatically and unconsciously say no to them. But if we program our brain to be opportunistic, when a choice arises between being virtuous and being opportunistic, we choose to be opportunistic. However, there is a good saying; ‘Is it more profitable to be virtuous or to be opportunistic?’ When I ask this, capitalist thinkers immediately say, ‘Being opportunistic is profitable.’ No. Being opportunistic may seem profitable in the short term, but in the medium to long term, being virtuous is profitable. History is full of examples of this. Those who live by principles achieve sustainable success. If you want sustainable success, not short-term, and sustainable happiness, to target overall happiness, you must accept living with honor in life, having values, and walking with your head held high. Be sure that the inner peace it provides is enough for a person. Therefore, we need to teach our children an ego ideal of being a good person in life, and if we program children's minds this way, when children encounter something wrong on social media, an inner feeling will tell them not to do it and prevent them.”
“The peace that a secure relationship provides is unparalleled”
Tarhan, noting that the family was previously called a nest of love but is now called a nest of trust; “The peace that a secure relationship provides is unparalleled. We used to call the family a nest of love, but now we call it a nest of trust. Because if love is true love, then love plus honesty equals trust. If not combined with honesty, love has no benefit. Therefore, trust arises from the combination of love and honesty. When trust is established, love increases, and fear decreases. This is why we should teach our children the meaning and purposes of life. Walking the path to success in life is not done on flowery paths with hands in pockets. One climbs to the peaks of success on stony roads, passing through stormy, rainy days to get there. Look at the mighty plane trees in the mountains; they are always plane trees that have endured storms. A plane tree that cannot withstand a storm cannot become a mighty one. In life too, if you want to be a successful person, you will have a goal, a roadmap for it, and you will take steps in accordance with that roadmap.”
“Let them be the subject, not the object, of social media”
Tarhan reminded that social media is neutral and should be used purposefully; “Parents should not be afraid of social media for their children. Let them be the subject, not the object, of social media. Let them use social media for their purposes because social media is a technology. It is inherently neutral. If you use it purposefully, social media will take you to your goal like a wild horse. Social media is like a wild horse. If you train it well, it will take you to your goal; if you train it incorrectly, it will squander your time. Time is not money; time is more valuable than money. Money can be lost and recovered, but time does not come back. Humanity has been given a capital of life by the Creator. As Mevlana says; ‘You are not living in this world; you are passing through this world.’ We have been given a capital of life; what will we gain from this capital, what will we fill our saddlebag with? If we fill it with good, right, and beautiful things, and if we have lived an accountable life after this one, we will have a beautiful life after death.”
“Maturing in abundance is very difficult”
Answering questions from the participants, Tarhan emphasized that a consistent balance of love and discipline should be offered to the child. Tarhan said; “Previous generations matured amidst difficulties and privations, but today’s children need to mature amidst prosperity and abundance, which is very difficult… In affluent families living in abundance, they raise their 'little monarch' with the mindset of ‘we struggled, so they shouldn’t.’ Being a parent means both making the child happy and preparing them for life. Therefore, we need to provide a family environment for the child with consistent love and consistent discipline, balancing love and discipline. Parents need to develop common attitudes in this regard. One must be a companion to the child in life. Parents should be a respectful companion to the child on life's journey. They should be able to discuss everything. They will have a friend with whom they can talk about good and bad, wrong and right. They will have a companionship focused on goals on life's path. To move forward on life's path, they will walk together, talk together, argue together... They will experience good and bad, sweet and bitter together; such companionship teaches the child everything. The child feels valuable.”