Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, was a live broadcast guest on TGRT News. Tarhan made striking evaluations on the topic of “The Impact of Social Media on Divorces and the Concept of Family.” Stating that social media plays an accelerating and catalytic role in divorce processes, Tarhan said that digital infidelity can evolve into actual infidelity over time.
Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, was a live broadcast guest on TGRT News.
“Digital infidelity can evolve into actual infidelity after a while”
Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, drawing attention to the concept of digital infidelity, said: “Social media truly plays a significant role in increasing the speed of divorce. Digital infidelity, in particular, is very common. Digital infidelity can evolve into actual infidelity after a while, and often starts this way. It used to be said that 'a liar's candle burns until bedtime'; now, 'a liar's candle burns until the internet.' When people are not honest, open, and trusting towards each other in family relationships, this situation becomes much more easily revealed with the effect of digitalization. This leads to infidelities becoming more visible in families. For this reason, divorce incidents are much more common in weak and fragile families. Or, if the parties are prone to jealousy, such situations can be perceived as infidelity, and the process can easily shift towards divorce. Therefore, social media has an accelerating, even catalytic, effect here. Social media algorithms also do not work in a preventive way for this situation. The lack of transparency of algorithms and social algorithms leads to serious negative effects in family and close relationships.”
“Children bear the brunt the most…”
Emphasizing the increasing divorce rate globally, Tarhan stated: “This situation is not unique to Turkey; it is observed all over the world. The divorce rate in Turkey has also significantly approached the world average. For example, the rate of out-of-wedlock births in Turkey is 2.9 percent. This rate is still quite low. That is, only 2.9 out of a hundred births are out of wedlock. However, in Northern European countries, this rate is much higher. It is 59 percent in Sweden and Norway, 56 percent in France, and 40 percent in the UK. When we look at household fragility in Turkey, we also see a significant change. Studies conducted in the last 10 years show that households of 5 people have decreased to households of 3 people compared to the previous 10 years. This situation is closely related to the increase in divorces in marriages. Children bear the brunt of this the most. It would not be right to solely blame social media here. However, it is clear that social media and digitalization have an accelerating effect on many problems. The rapid lifestyle and the change in people's philosophy of life also play an important role. The meaning attributed to marriage has changed over time. There are many reasons for the increasing divorce rates, but we can easily say that social media has a catalytic effect in this process.”
“Lying has a virus effect in relationships”
Tarhan stated that trust weakens where there is no open, transparent, and honest relationship: “Love alone is not enough in relationships. When love combines with honesty, trust is formed. When there is good cooperation, it becomes possible to cope with problems. Because there is no marriage without problems; issues will inevitably arise. However, even as a joke, spouses should not lie to each other. Lying has a virus effect in relationships. The moment a lie begins, after a while, the other party starts to think, ‘Since a lie was told here, is this also a lie, is that also a lie?’ Thus, a constant state of suspicion begins in the relationship, and parties tend to check everything. The digital realm comes into play at this point. For example, if a person puts their phone face down when they come home or constantly hides it, the other party inevitably starts to think, ‘Why are they hiding information?’ Of course, there might be some special situations, certain professions. If such a situation exists, it should be discussed and expressed openly and transparently. When this is done, distrust does not arise. Therefore, trust weakens wherever there is no open, transparent, and accountable relationship.”
“The secret to a long and healthy life actually lies here”
Tarhan stated that people feel lonely amidst crowds: “The United Nations draws attention to three major dangers facing the future. The first is global income inequality, the second is climate change, and the third is loneliness. One of the most important causes of loneliness is the weakening of family ties and the family entering a process of disintegration. Today, loneliness is one of the biggest problems, especially in the Western world. People feel lonely within crowds. At this point, Harvard University has a very striking 75-year study. This study on healthy living can also be found on the internet. Approximately 700 people in Boston, including university students and individuals living in slums, are regularly followed for 75 years. Their blood pressure, pulse, lifestyles, social relationships – in short, everything about their lives is examined. At the end of 75 years, among these individuals, most of whom are over 80, the answer to the question 'Who is healthier and happier?' is sought. When looking at whether it's the rich or the famous, the result is very clear. Those who have close, meaningful, and deep relationships… In other words, those with strong family ties. They have such warm and solid family ties that the secret to a long and healthy life actually lies here.”
“If there is good will and love, a solution can be found”
Tarhan, emphasizing that ego wars lead to divorce, said: “Divorce is not an option; it is a consequence. Crises and problems inevitably arise in marriage from time to time. The real process leading to divorce is ego wars that emerge with statements like 'You are right, I am right, what you say, what I say, your mother, my mother, your money, my money.' In environments where such ego wars exist, if individuals are egocentric, breakdowns occur much more easily. In such relationships, to prevent the process from heading towards divorce, help should be sought from third parties, from individuals acting as arbitrators. We usually conduct half-day evaluations with people who come with the thought of divorce. Here, we fundamentally look at whether there is goodwill and love in the marriage. If there is goodwill and love, even if there are conflicts and communication problems, a solution can always be found. However, if there is no goodwill and love has been exhausted, finding a solution becomes much more difficult. Divorce is not divorcing from motherhood or fatherhood; it is divorcing from the spousal relationship. If a divorce is to happen, it should be done by shaking hands and reaching a compromise for the future of the children.”