Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, stating that various changes have also occurred in family relations during the pandemic, emphasized that the magic word in the family is cooperation. Tarhan said, “If a system of cooperation is established between mother, father, and children in the family, problems in that family will be resolved, even if they exist.” He added, “A beautiful transformation occurred during the pandemic. Those who make this situation permanent will win.”
Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, evaluated changing family relations during the pandemic period. Stating that a compulsory isolation was experienced during the pandemic process, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “Such situations are something that one cannot object to. The intelligent person's approach here is to be accepting rather than complaining.”
The value of family was understood with the pandemic
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the value of the family institution was understood during the pandemic process and said, “It is as if fate is sending a message with the pandemic to appreciate the family during this period. In couple therapies, we mostly look at the reasons that lead to divorce in marriage. Couples' investment in each other decreases during this period. Investment in love decreases, the time they allocate to each other decreases, and words of appreciation and praise decrease. What happens when these decrease? On both sides, a cold relationship emerges under the name of individualization, and ruptures begin.”
This period should be turned into an opportunity
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that this period should be turned into an opportunity, saying, “Couples here should think, ‘Since we are going to experience the pandemic, I should at least spend more time with my spouse and children,’” and added that the feeling of sacrifice is one of the important languages of love. Noting that the purpose of life has varied since ancient times, and modernism has shown selfishness as a virtue, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “This is the historical error of current modernity. In history, Socrates states that the purpose of human life is to pursue virtue. It is virtuousness that will give meaning to life. 200 years after Socrates, Epicurus and Plato continued it somewhat, then Aristotle started to corrupt it further. He created a class called aristocracy. It gradually deteriorated. 200 years later, Epicurus says, ‘The purpose of human life is to pursue its pleasures.’ Then divine teachings begin. Islam also adds divine consent as a meaning to life.”
Women have a higher sense of empathy
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the concept of family and home has been damaged in the modern world, saying, “There is an understanding that views the home not as a safe haven but merely as a hotel. They only come home to eat and drink; there is no conversation, no sharing, no social life within the family. Such an environment is contrary to human nature. Women inherently have a higher sense of empathy. Because of their high empathy, their sensitivity towards protecting children and protecting the family is higher.” Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that there is a maternal hormone but no paternal hormone, adding, “This is genetically coded by creation. That is why women naturally take on the role of keeping the family together. A person can be both the lady of her house, the mother of her children, and a good spouse. A man can also be a good spouse and the father of children at the same time.”
Women brought the family together during this period
Tarhan stated that one should educate the malicious emotions within oneself, saying, “The pandemic helped such good-hearted people. How did it help? Women who asked, ‘How can I make my family and child better?’ acted as heroes of compassion here. Women have currently brought the family together.”
Measures must be taken for the post-pandemic period
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan reminded that measures must definitely be taken regarding the effects of the crisis after the pandemic period, drawing attention to the increase in divorce cases in China, an increase in gun sales in America, and an increase in suicides in Turkey according to official data. Tarhan said, “While on one hand we see people stating they are happy with their families, on the other hand, we see such incidents. Therefore, social scientists must address this issue and take measures before a major crisis erupts. It may be too late after the crisis erupts. Treatment is difficult after a disease appears; it is necessary to make an early diagnosis and treat it, or to make plans to prevent the disease from appearing.”
The magic word in the family is cooperation
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that the magic word in the family is cooperation, saying, “If a system of cooperation is established between mother, father, and children in the family, problems in that family will be resolved, even if they exist. Most problems stem from not knowing the problem-solving style. There are people there with incorrect solution methods. One of the golden rules of cooperation is the golden mean rule. That is, both sides will take steps and find a solution by meeting in the middle. Currently, a beautiful transformation has occurred during the pandemic. Those who make this situation permanent will win. Women and men need to try to see each other’s good sides. We often see their flaws. The formula for increasing love is actually for both sides to succeed in seeing each other's positive aspects.”
In marriage, there are good days and bad days too…
“In marriage, there are stormy days and good days,” said Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, adding, “Life is a seasoning of positive and negative. If you dream that only positive things will happen in your life, you will be disappointed when negative things happen. However, it is necessary to know that life is a seasoning. Like the dishes on a table, there is everything: bitter, sweet, sour. Life is like this. If a person enters marriage thinking this way, accepting these things, it means that marriage has maturity.”
The institution of family is a requirement of civilization
Tarhan stated that Turkey preserves some traditional values but also takes its share from global changes, drawing attention to the fact that the institution of family is under threat. Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “A global crisis is coming. It is coming to us like a tsunami right now. We are not very aware of this. The foundation of the family institution has currently taken water. The foundation is collapsing. Mating is genetic, marriage is cultural. Establishing a marriage institution and being able to make a marriage contract has emerged with civilization. That is, it is a requirement of civilization. If we take a step back from this, it means we are returning to Ancient Times. The West is already showing signs of returning to Ancient Times. The West is an admirer of Ancient Times.”
The correct philosophy of life is to pursue meaning
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that humanity returned to Epicurus after achieving success in the industrial revolution of the 17th and 18th centuries, saying, “They set hedonism as the purpose of life, and this became humanity's globally accepted philosophy of life. Now, this Covid pandemic has taught us this: that is not the correct philosophy of life. The correct philosophy of life is to pursue meaning. Tolstoy says, ‘I am looking for a meaning that death cannot change.’ It is to pursue meaning in this way. Kant also said similar things before. Such things genuinely please people. When you pursue meaning, you also need to think about what comes after death. When you think about what comes after death, the feeling of accountability arises. The feeling of accountability does not please mankind.”
We must pass on our cultural values to future generations
Stating that development can occur through cultural development, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan pointed out the importance of transmitting our culture to future generations, saying, “We have currently reduced our culture to tourism. When culture is mentioned, tourism is understood. That is, tangible culture. Buildings, historical artifacts, their restoration. Culture is not just this; this is the tangible and visible part of culture. It is like the visible part of the iceberg. True culture consists of teachings, stories, narratives. These are the scenarios we have experienced in our past. We must tell these to our children in our education system. Culture needs to merge with youth. Sports, youth, and culture need to be together. Therefore, this turns into a serious mental transformation. If we do not transform, we cannot protect it,” he warned.