Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that a brain accustomed to things easily obtained and readily available tends to seek pleasure, which includes substances like narcotics and stimulants. He said, “The brain is constantly being bribed; individuals who learned in childhood to get things without effort, fatigue, or difficulty struggle to show patience and endurance. For this reason, they frequently change jobs.”
Tarhan noted that emotional intelligence education has become one of the topics most focused on by science today, adding, “We must learn to manage our brains like riding a bicycle: we must know where to speed up, where to slow down, and which direction to turn.”
Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, evaluated the issue of endurance and intolerance.
Endurance is a skill requiring training
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that endurance, or resilience, is a skill requiring training. He said, “For a person to build psychological robustness, they need to learn to endure from a young age. Endurance is a very important decision-making and problem-solving skill for a person to reach their goal. If this skill is weak, the person may give up halfway while pursuing their goal.”
Intolerance to uncertainty makes people sick!
Tarhan noted that endurance should be evaluated in two ways: “First, being able to tolerate an uncertain situation; this is considered the most difficult. Second, showing endurance to reach a specific goal. Generally, when endurance is mentioned, these two situations are understood. However, what makes people sick the most is intolerance to uncertainty. For example, you are walking in a forest, and it is not clear when you might encounter a wolf or what you should do. If you hear a rustle or feel a threat, you might overreact, and in that situation, you cannot sleep properly. This can lead to a condition we call autonomic hyperactivity; the nervous system works rapidly, heart rate accelerates, pulse increases, respiration quickens, and it can lead to situations like sudden cardiac arrest. Uncertainty is the biggest cause of stress and also one of the biggest causes of depression. Uncertainty increases anxiety, fear, negative options, and the perception of threat. Furthermore, uncertainty also evokes feelings of injustice and distrust.” he said.
Uncertainty also weakens a person's power to act
Tarhan stated that if there is uncertainty between parents in a home, if what tomorrow will bring is unclear, or if it's unknown whether a crisis will arise or a conflict will occur, children will be affected by this situation. He noted that if there is no open and transparent communication between spouses, or if lies are told, this will create serious uncertainty, increasing suspicion, jealousy, and the perception of threat.
Tarhan expressed that uncertainty also weakens a person's power to act, stating, “The biggest reason for uncertainty is the inability to make sense of things. There is a lack of meaning-making. For this reason, individuals who do not want to think obey someone without questioning. However, today, blindly surrendering to a leader or state authority no longer holds much validity. This situation has led to an increase in intolerance and the widespread prevalence of mental illnesses.” he said.
“If there is uncertainty, a person becomes inactive and does not get out of bed”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan pointed out that people need to know what they will do when they wake up in the morning. He said, “If there is uncertainty, the person becomes inactive, does not get out of bed. In this case, laziness emerges. Behind laziness often lies a lack of purpose. Having a purpose provides a reason for a person to take action. Purposeful behavior does not necessarily have to be related to abstract goals. It can also be concrete goals such as meeting basic needs, meaning eating, or benefiting oneself.”
Goals trigger inner motivation
Prof. Dr. Tarhan explained that a person takes action when they have a purpose not only for themselves but also for their family, society, humanity, science, art, country, or creation. He stated, “This kind of purpose triggers inner motivation. People without purpose, however, need external motivation; someone needs to prod them with 'come on, come on'. A person with inner motivation can move based on their internal balance, like a steamship. This way, they can overcome intolerance and resolve uncertainties because they find a reason to believe in, to work hard for, and to get tired for. With this reason, they draw their roadmap. If the roadmap is uncertain, this situation can pull the person down. In times of crisis, they seek a trustworthy companion. If they find a companion, they feel confident and do not turn back halfway. Inner motivation, on the other hand, needs constant feeding, like a boiler room of an engine.”
Sacrificing and diligent mothers unknowingly make their children lazy
Prof. Dr. Tarhan pointed out that someone who has everything handed to them from childhood, presented on a silver platter by their parents, and raised in a glass dome, will not feel the need for motivation. He said, “Because someone else always takes care of things for them, so why should they bother themselves? These individuals get used to constantly waiting for someone to say 'come on'. Here, there is an abuse of excessive affection. This situation is very common in our culture. People act with the thought, ‘I suffered, my child shouldn’t.’ Especially sacrificing and diligent mothers unknowingly make their children lazy. In old times, even up to 50 years ago, children matured amidst scarcity and difficulties. But now, maturing in abundance takes time. Therefore, they need to feel an obligation for motivation.”
Why do they frequently change jobs?
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that a brain accustomed to things easily obtained and readily available tends to seek pleasure, which includes substances like narcotics and stimulants. He said, “The brain is constantly being bribed; individuals who learned in childhood to get things without effort, fatigue, or difficulty struggle to show patience and endurance. For this reason, they frequently change jobs. Patience and endurance can be difficult, but their fruit is sweet. We try to motivate people by keeping this outcome in mind.”
Children who waited had 20 percent higher emotional intelligence
Prof. Dr. Tarhan recounted a 20-year study conducted in the 1960s where kindergarten children were told they could have one Turkish delight immediately, but if they waited, they could have a handful. He explained that one group of children took their Turkish delight immediately, while others lingered in the classroom and waited 15 minutes to earn more. He added that 20 years later, it was observed that the children who waited had 20 percent higher emotional intelligence, healthier relationships with the opposite sex, more developed social and emotional skills, and were better at solving problems.
The importance of emotional intelligence training…
“Emotional intelligence training has become one of the topics most focused on by science today. In America, children are given mindfulness training in schools in the middle of lessons. Mindfulness, or conscious awareness training, teaches a person to know themselves, determine their purpose, and topics like the science of happiness,” said Tarhan, stating that positive psychology is also a part of this training and that such training is now provided even at high school and middle school levels.
Tarhan said, “We also wrote a book called ‘Science of Happiness’ for the 9th grade and submitted it to our ministry. One of the modules of the book is resilience training and the ability to delay gratification. Individuals who can delay their gratification and show resilience will eventually reach their goals and taste success.”
Intolerance is a frequently observed symptom in hyperactive individuals
Prof. Dr. Tarhan noted that intolerance is a frequently observed symptom in hyperactive individuals, and hastiness and impatience are among the most important signs of this condition. He stated, “These symptoms are evaluated under the category of impulse control disorder as part of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). These individuals struggle to control their impulses, do the first thing that comes to mind, and easily believe what they hear last, making them susceptible to manipulation. If these individuals are both hasty and impatient on one hand, and perfectionists on the other, one side of their brain says 'everything must be perfect' while the other side says 'everything must be immediate and fast'. This situation, as it were, squeezes the brain 'like a toast' and drives the person into depression. These individuals are generally constantly anxious and feel perpetually on alert. For example, they startle when a fork drops, jump when a door closes quickly, and tend to turn off the television sound. They become overly sensitive to such stimuli, and their tolerance for surprises and new situations decreases. Diseases such as depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and anxiety disorder are frequently observed in these individuals, making their lives difficult. However, when these symptoms are recognized and the person accepts this condition, uncertainty disappears, and a step is taken towards entering a treatment plan.”
Learning to use our brain is not difficult
Prof. Dr. Tarhan also provided information on treatment, stating, “In individuals who are intolerant, we generally focus on brain functions. We look at the functional mapping of the brain. MR images are used to understand whether there is a neurological disease. In functional brain mapping, a condition we call affective dysregulation can be observed; this is the person's inability to regulate emotions. In individuals with low emotional regulation skills, the left brain (logical, rational brain), the right brain (emotional brain), and the frontal brain (executive, decision-making brain) do not work in balance. These individuals cannot manage their brains correctly. We must learn to manage our brains like riding a bicycle: we must know where to speed up, where to slow down, and which direction to turn. This is like learning to drive a car, play a musical instrument, or ride a horse. Learning to use our brain is not difficult; in fact, this process is called ‘neuroleadership’. Without being our own leaders, we cannot manage social relationships. First, we must manage ourselves, our desires, impulses, and dreams. We must have rational intuitions and beliefs; if we act this way, we can reach our goals. Irrational thoughts, on the other hand, only lead to a waste of time.”
Intolerance is an acceptable condition during adolescence
Tarhan stated that intolerance is an expected and acceptable condition during adolescence, saying, “It is normal for adolescents to be hasty, impatient, and intolerant; expecting them to be patient is not realistic. During this period, we will treat adolescents and children like adults, but we will not expect adult behaviors from them. We will be companions to them on the path of life; we will walk together. In this process, we will guide them without crushing their personalities, but also without overly praising them. If we establish a healthy relationship by saying, ‘You are a good person, but these behaviors are wrong,’ children learn about life, and if there is a healthy family relationship, this process is further supported.”
Adults should focus on self-knowledge
Tarhan noted that if such a situation exists in adults, and the person wants to solve this problem on their own before seeking professional help, they should first focus on self-knowledge, concluding his words as follows:
“One should set a goal and think about what needs to be done to achieve it. This process is called ‘psychological SWOT analysis’. In SWOT analysis, a person's strengths and weaknesses are identified; during this process, one must be honest with oneself. In the second stage, a goal is set; for example, going to university, graduating, entering a specific job, or working in a specific country. After the goal is set, potential threats and opportunities encountered along the way are evaluated, and this information is recorded in writing. Then a roadmap is prepared, but merely making this plan and waiting is not enough. As Rumi said, ‘Set out on the path, and the way appears.’ Therefore, action must be taken after plans are made. Plan A is implemented; if it doesn't work, Plan B comes into play, and if that doesn't work, Plan C. However, one should not give up on their goal. A person who proceeds in this manner will eventually reach their goal.”