An interview was held with Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector and Chairman of the Board of Trustees Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan about his book “Being a Conscious Youth”. Students from 15 different high schools in Esenler district showed great interest and participation in the interview. Tarhan stated that the problem of misunderstanding between generations is a natural process, emphasizing that throughout world history, young people have acted with the desire to build a better life than the preceding generation. Using the phrase “Parenthood is not about shaping a child like a sculptor,” Tarhan said that young people need to be understood but are not.
“It is necessary to give new answers to ancient questions with new information”
High school students who read Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan’s book “Being a Conscious Youth” met with Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan at the ‘Being a Conscious Youth’ interview, moderated by Üsküdar Üniversitesi Media PR Unit Manager – Journalist Şaban Özdemir. The interview was held at NP Health Campus Ibn Sina Auditorium with the support of Esenler Municipality.
In the interview, which began with a question about why he wrote such a book, author Tarhan used the following expressions: “I decided to write this book based on questions that came in 2005-2006. In these years, the world was undergoing significant change, social media had not yet become so widespread. With the commercialization of the internet, we had received signals that the 21st century would be different from the 20th century. The 20th century was the ‘Information Age’, whereas in the 21st century, we are moving towards an era dominated by speed and pleasure. In situations where communication is intensified, it is necessary to give new answers to old questions. If we give old answers to old questions, the next generation will misunderstand, and they will detach from the younger generation. As Hz. Ali also said: ‘Raise your children not for your age, but for the age they will live in.’ ”.
“You can think of the book ‘Being a Conscious Youth’ as a pill-sized book…”
Tarhan, stating that it is necessary to give new answers to these ancient questions with new information, said, “Young people need guidance to develop themselves on their journey through life. Human learning occurs in three ways: ‘Learning through trial and error, which is the learning method of an average person; the second type of learning is ‘learning by benefiting from the experiences of others,’ which is the smartest way; and in the third type of learning, a person repeats a mistake several times. This person remains the same after thirty years. Our aim in this book is to enable young people to learn from the experiences of others; you can think of it as a compact book.” He said.
“Parenthood is not about shaping a child like a sculptor”
Tarhan also made evaluations regarding parents’ approaches to children, emphasizing that the child’s sense of autonomy should not be harmed. Tarhan stated; “The most common thing we encounter in young people with adolescence problems is; ‘my parents don’t understand me.’ Adolescence is the period when a person asks the questions ‘who am I, where should I belong, and why?’ It starts around age 12 and ends at 22. When a person cannot get appropriate answers to these questions, and when parents turn their conversations into a lecture or a sermon, it backfires. Parenthood is not about taking a child and shaping them like an engineer, but about being a companion on their life’s journey. One of the biggest mistakes is to see parenthood as shaping a child like a sculptor. In such cases, the child cannot feel free. Even though the child possesses a sense of free autonomy, they cannot use it; if there is no sense of autonomy, they become a passive child, obeying, and then at the first opportunity, they start doing the opposite of what their parents say. If there is a sense of autonomy, the child objects and resists. Parents interfere too much in some matters, and because of their excessive interference, the child says the exact opposite of what the parents say. A defense mechanism develops. Especially in families where there is a lot of criticism, parents do this with good intentions, but it does not benefit the child; there are also family types that allow everything. In such situations, the house becomes like a hotel, and the child has loose discipline. Either the child is exposed to external influences because they cannot find a warm environment at home, and many examples of this, such as substance abuse, emerge in such families. Just as there is a habitat where a plant is grown, the family is the smallest habitat where a good person is raised.” he said.
“Young people need to be understood”
Tarhan stated that the problem of misunderstanding between generations is a natural process, emphasizing that throughout world history, young people have questioned with the desire to build a better life than the preceding generation. Tarhan said; “In other words, young people of this age need to be understood, but they are not. The needs and expectations of young people generally do not align with the needs and expectations of their parents. This has usually been what appears to be a generation gap for centuries. It exists in Egyptian papyri and on tablets. Socrates, for example, complained a lot about generational conflict. This may seem like a generational conflict, but it is actually natural, because if it weren’t, there would be no progress. In other words, the new generation will question their elders and take one more step, do one better. This questioning is natural. If you stop questioning, you fall over as if you stopped riding a bicycle. After a while, you find your history in the trash can. That is why it is true for society as well as for the individual. Questioning here develops a person, meaning trying to improve oneself towards the better, the more beautiful. A duck swims as soon as it hatches from an egg, but a human can stand for a year. Only at 14-15 years old can one begin to distinguish right from wrong, good from bad. For this reason, during this period, human environment and social contact develop the person. In early adolescence, up to the age of 10-12, parents are a young person’s heroes. But after that, the child needs to socialize; for a young person, friends become more important than parents. In other words, if a young person feels both a sense of belonging at home and a sense of freedom, then they are a healthy young person.” He said.
“Being part of a team is being part of a meaning”
Tarhan stated that young people make fewer mistakes when they learn emotional and social skills, drawing attention to the importance of being part of teamwork and good cooperation, which are 21st-century skills. Tarhan said; “In school life, a person’s sole aim is academic, technical success, but what makes a person successful in life is not academic and technical success; it is social and emotional skills. In other words, life successes are also important. I tried to convey the development of social and emotional skills in this book. Being successful, life success, is much more important than essential technical success. For example, a very good engineer, but cannot manage marriage, human relationships, argues with everyone at work, cannot engage in teamwork. Therefore, being able to work in a team is one of the truths of this era; being part of a team means being part of a meaning. 21st-century skills are among the skills we tried to emphasize in the book. When young people learn these emotional and social skills, they make fewer mistakes and can progress faster. If we embed this information into a person’s mental map beforehand, it also gives them problem-solving skills when an issue arises.” He said.
“Set abstract-concrete goals and take action”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, also evaluating the meaning of life, abstract goals, and the goal pyramid, underlined the necessity of being an activist after setting an ideal and taking action to realize these ideals. Tarhan said; “There are three important skills in a person’s mental health: one is what we call the cockpit style, which is the stress coping style. The second style is what we call communication style; a person’s communication manner and ability to establish communication in human relationships. The third style is what we call cognitive style: thought habits, thinking style, manner. If a person uses these three styles correctly, they use life input correctly. These are the three pillars of a personality: communication style, stress management style, and thinking style. While managing these, there are also three columns: Realism, activism, and idealism. Today’s youth are idealists. Your concrete ideals, abstract ideals, and meaningful ideals should all be present. Material ideals are; ‘I want a house, I want a car, I want my life to be good, I want fame, I want a position, these and those’ are all material things, but it is difficult to set a meaningful ideal. A person does not set abstract goals for themselves. How do you want to be remembered when you come to the end of your life? What kind of person do you want to be, having a reason to live in life – these are abstract ideals. That is why being an idealist is important. Secondly, one needs to be an activist. If you just write down and draw your ideal, you cannot turn what you do into action. That’s why being an activist is essential; for example, planting a tree is activism. The Hadith says, for instance, ‘Even if you know the world is ending, plant a tree,’ this is activism.” he said.
“Your purpose and meaning determine how you want to be remembered”
Tarhan, emphasizing the importance of setting goals during youth on life's journey, said; “At the top of our life pyramid is how you want to be, how you want to be remembered, so purpose and meaning are important. Someone with purpose and meaning sets their priorities well. The brain perceives important topics more readily because it says ‘this is very important’ and when an idea related to it suddenly comes, it grasps and uses it; when it says ‘this is an unimportant topic,’ the brain does not hear or perceive it. It performs better selective perception on topics you deem important. Therefore, by examining the topics we care about, we make healthier decisions; one pillar of will is resilience training. After making a decision and believing it to be correct, you should not get stuck on ‘if only’ and ‘what if’ again; whoever gets stuck on ‘what if’ wastes their will. Free will is peculiar to humans; other living beings do not have free will. If you look at the fantasy world of a cat or dog, there is meat, there are bones, but if you look at a human’s fantasy world, everyone’s is different. Therefore, to reach our fantasy world, we must build our fantasy world well, create a good goal pyramid, and have passionate projects, goals, and dreams. To make healthy decisions on the way to a goal, if you cannot decide yourself, you will seek help from an expert, get opinions from an experienced person, and make a decision based on that. Benefiting from the experiences of others is important, and after doing what you know is right, the third condition is the hidden law of psychology. Life grants its rewards to those who endure; you set your goal, you know it is the right path, and then you must persevere. If you do not endure, if you aim for short-term pleasures, you will often be mistaken. We all have a childish side. A child wants it immediately, but being able to postpone this is a skill.” he said.
Tarhan signed his book “Being a Conscious Youth” for the students.
In the program where the book “Life That Breaks the Mold” was gifted to 4 students who asked the best questions during the interview, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan also signed his book “Being a Conscious Youth” for the students at the end of the program.