Stating that today's children are born and raised with technology, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan emphasizes that the correct use of technology should be taught by the age of 12. Tarhan, drawing attention to technology being a dopamine dependency, reminds that instead of imposing bans on children, it is important to explain the reasons in an understandable way, and that there should be gentle rules in the home environment. Tarhan also notes that it is natural for children to experience conflicts with their families from time to time during adolescence, stating that there is no such thing as an 'angelic' adolescent, and such adolescents may later engage in more risky behaviors.
Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, offered important evaluations and advice regarding technology use and addiction in children during the AKRA FM Marriage School program.
Parents' Biggest Concern: How Will I Control My Child?
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that today, the biggest concern for parents is how to regulate their children's relationship with technology, stating, 'Families are quite rightly wondering how to restrict and control this desire of their children. Because this generation was born into the digital environment, and children's greatest need is play. Because play is a child's most serious business. The most attractive play area is digital games. Other assembly/disassembly games are more troublesome, whereas digital games are easier. That's why they are preferred more.'
Phones Should Not Be Given to Children Between 0-3 Years Old
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that uncontrolled technology use starting from very young ages negatively affects a child's development, saying, 'Compared to the past, society has become more conscious about this issue. Parents bring their 3-4-year-old children because they aren't speaking. We immediately suspect autism due to delayed speech. We see that the child is watching television all day at home. Now, they're giving tablets to children. That child spends all day with it. The child's brain doesn't feel the need to produce words. They listen very well, follow, play, pass time, and then become silent. Phones should absolutely not be given to children between 0-3 years old. Even if given, it should be under parental supervision.'
Children Should Learn Controlled Use Until Adolescence
Emphasizing that children should be taught controlled technology use, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, 'Age is important here. 0-3 years, 3-6 years, 6-12 years, and 12 years and above should be evaluated separately. When a child enters adolescence, meaning 11-12 years is the onset of adolescence. Until that age, you need to teach the child the culture of this. If you haven't taught the child the culture of communicating in the digital world and with technology by this age, it's already too late. The child needs to be media literate. After that, it will be very difficult to teach.'
Parents Need to Exhibit a Consistent Stance
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that until the age of 10-11, a child sees their parents as the undisputed sole leaders, stating, 'Here, too, it is necessary and important for parents to maintain a consistent attitude. If parents give their child mixed messages, or if a good cop-bad cop approach is followed, negative consequences will emerge. For example, if the father takes a very liberal stance, allowing everything, while the mother, conversely, tries to control the child, the child grows up selfishly. The child accepts the father in a way that suits their interests and begins to disregard the mother. A father-son coalition forms there, and the mother is seen as a threat. If you leave the child without limits here, they will start to act violently towards their parents. Therefore, parents must act together and use a common language,' he warned.
The Rationale Must Be Explained to the Child
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, stating that bans are ineffective, especially in technology use, said, 'Telling a child 'no' and taking away their tablet or phone while they are playing, or unplugging the computer and shutting it down, is not the right method. The reasons must definitely be explained to the child. If we ban without explaining the reasons, the child perceives this as an unjust attack, and hostility towards their parents begins. For example, the child might retaliate by not studying.'
Controlled Use Should Be Taught Until Age 12
Emphasizing that these behaviors are difficult to learn after the age of 12, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, 'If you have accustomed the child to controlled internet use and phone use from an early age, the child can control themselves. That is, 20-30% of them can do this. They spend time together since childhood and can tell their parents everything.'
During Adolescence, the Child Becomes an Individual
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that during adolescence, the child becomes an individual, saying, 'Parents, especially after adolescence, must accept that the child is an individual. They need to say, 'They are our child, but they don't belong to us; they are a separate individual.' We teach children to be 'us' while remaining 'me'. It's the same in marriage. The child will have their own free space. For example, the mother will not interfere with the child's room. She will not intervene unless there are some major mistakes. What could major mistakes be? For instance, lying. If you have given the child good morals and rules for correct behavior, a sense of guilt will arise in the child when they do something wrong.'
There’s No Such Thing as an Angelic Adolescent
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, stating that it is natural for children to experience conflicts with their families from time to time during adolescence, said, 'This is an adolescent; of course, they will have disagreements with their family. This is perfectly normal. There is no such thing as an angelic adolescent. Such an adolescent may later engage in more risky behaviors. They become angelic in adolescence. Very quiet and calm, then suddenly everything changes. Then they break away from the family. There are also suppressed children. An educator had come to Turkey. He visited an educational institution and saw the children like candles. While the administrators expected praise, the educator said, 'You have educated the children incorrectly. These children don't ask any questions!' He criticized, 'Children never generate different ideas. You are always raising a single type of child.' Therefore, in education, it is necessary to raise children as inquisitive individuals who can intellectually and critically object and question. Schools are like barracks right now. A barracks culture prevails in our education. There is a doctrinal education. Nothing is questioned.'
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that an authoritarian approach towards a child is perceived as an unjust attack by the child, leading them to withdraw and potentially experience anger outbursts after adolescence.
Children Should Be Taught Long-Term Thinking Skills
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that children tend to think short-term before the age of 12, and after adolescence, they gradually acquire medium and long-term thinking skills, saying, 'Long-term thinking skill is the ability to think strategically, set strategic goals, and make plans. The child doesn't know strategic goal planning until after adolescence. This needs to be taught to the child.'
Children Should Also Be Prepared for the Future
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, stating that 'someone who lives with short-term goals and acts on emotions says 'live the moment.' However, it should be 'live in the moment,' not 'live the moment,'' continued, 'No projects regarding the past and future are being done for children. A future projection needs to be worked on for children. For example, it is necessary to create motivation for the child to set goals regarding their future profession. To create motivation, you need to awaken desire in them. To awaken desire, you need to make them feel a need.'
Time Management Should Be Taught
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, stating that time management should be taught to prepare children for life, said, 'A child growing up amidst extensive opportunities becomes lazy. The child becomes a conformist and loses the desire to work. They rely on their family's economic situation, and because they feel no need, there is no motivation.'
Technology is also Dopamine Dependency…
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, noting that digital games create a dopamine effect in the brain, said, 'In nicotine addiction, brain cells demand excessive nicotine as if it were a need. This is called pleasure, reward deficiency. In addiction, dopamine comes not with expected rewards but with unexpected ones. These games have the same characteristic. The brain immerses itself in the game with curiosity, wonder, and the expectation of dopamine. Technology is also dopamine dependency. The biggest risk of digital technology is the easy secretion and binding of dopamine in the brain.'
Words of Appreciation, Approval, and Praise Release Dopamine
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that the things that will most release dopamine in a child's brain are not games, but words of appreciation, approval, and praise from their parents, saying, 'In our culture, parents don't often say those words. A child's personality should not be praised. If their personality is praised, the child becomes arrogant and narcissistic, but their behavior and efforts should be praised. You will not criticize a child's personality.'
Emotionally Based Sharing is Very Important for the Child
Emphasizing the importance of spending time with children, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan continued:
'What ensures lasting learning in the brain are things that appeal to the five senses. Digital games only appeal to the sense of sight. Many shared stories, life events we experience together, become very permanent. Life scenarios are written in our brains. The more child life scenarios parents have in their minds, the happier they will be. If we have few positive life scenarios related to our child in our mind map, that child will run away from home. Therefore, emotionally based sharing is important,' he said.
‘Love + Honest Relationship = Trust’
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, noting the need for love and an honest relationship for trust to form in a child, concluded his words by stating that a rule-governed environment should be created at home:
'There is a characteristic of trust in relationships. 'Love + honest relationship = trust' is formed. Trust is like snowfall. Snow that falls steadily and continuously sticks. Discipline is also like that, and so is advice. If it's slow and continuous, it sticks. If an overdose is given to the child all at once, it won't have an effect. If you sit and give a safety lecture for hours, it won't affect the child. This trust is formed through experiences and case studies. When there are accusations and judgments, the child goes on the defensive. Consistency is as important as honesty. If you say yes one day and no the next, or if the mother says one thing and the father says another, trust won't form. We need discipline with love. There should be love, discipline, and also determination. We will make the home a rule-governed environment. If it's too rule-bound, they will slip away like soap. If it's too loose, they will also slip away. There should be gentle rules at home.'