Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, Founding Rector of Üsküdar University, participated in the II. Positive Psychology Symposium organized online by the Positive Psychology Institute. Tarhan shared his presentation titled ‘Managing Our Emotional Experiences – The Power of Emotional Flexibility’ with the participants at the symposium. Stating that narcissism is the most significant cause of mental rigidity, Tarhan pointed out that narcissism poses a global threat. He emphasized that good intentions and effort are the most important things in human relationships.
The Biggest Enemy: ‘Narcissism’
In the online program, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, Founding Rector of Üsküdar University, stated that our brain works with a network system; “Emotions work with thought, behavior, and decision-making mechanisms. Here, anyone who appeals to emotions and thoughts is like a repairman, mending the network in the brain. The most important thing here is the California Syndrome… First, hedonism, second, narcissism, third, loneliness, and then depression emerge. I want to say that narcissism is the biggest enemy in emotional cognitive flexibility. For this, managing emotions with emotional positivity, mental flexibility, and behavioral inclusiveness, taking control of the other party, is not about one person controlling another in a relationship, but rather like dancing together, walking together. It is a relationship of being travel companions. The other controlling relationship becomes a monologue. The ideal relationship should be a dialogue, not one-sided but two-sided. If relationships are like this, both sides benefit.” he stated.
“The most important thing in human relationships is good intention and effort”
Citing an example from the hadith, ‘If you have good intention and sincere effort, Allah is its complement,’ Prof. Dr. Tarhan said; “This hadith is the word of Allah spoken to the Prophet, a noble Hadith. The most important thing in human relationships is good intention and effort. If these are present, the likelihood of this endeavor yielding results is very high. Therefore, in human relationships and therapy, the new research area in psychology is the neuroscience of intention. Mirror neurons have become active. Because mirror neurons are active, in the neuroscience of intention, if the other party is sincere, the mirror neurons in the brain work accordingly. If we have a malevolent intention, the mirror neurons in the other party sense it, and they say, ‘I received negative energy’ or ‘I received positive energy’.” he stated.
“The most important reason for mental rigidity…”
Underlining that one of the most important causes of mental rigidity is narcissism, Tarhan stated that digital narcissism currently exists globally. Tarhan said; “The feeling of narcissism exists in everyone. It was present in all of us, but the rate of it becoming a personality disorder is between the ages of 20 and 29. Don't think that this decreases with age. This has now become a personality disorder. It is high in new generations. It will likely remain high in 30 – 40 years as well. Very few recover because these individuals are closed to self-criticism; they can only change if a major event or disaster occurs in their lives. Otherwise, they do not change on their own.” he said.
“Currently, humanity is threatened globally by 2 major diseases”
Pointing out that the narcissism epidemic is a serious global threat, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said; “Currently, humanity is threatened globally by 2 major diseases. Modernism and Secularism… This Secularism is translated as Worldliness. That is, moral success cannot develop in people who live without a sense of accountability after death. Because they can do hidden evil. For these people to be morally successful, they should not commit evil, even if hidden. That is, moral success is higher in those who act with a sense of accountability for the afterlife.” he stated.
“Loneliness emerges as a result of narcissism”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan, mentioning that people with high egos are closed to criticism, said; “People whose biggest organ is their ego have increased. When people with high egos say ‘I know everything,’ they become closed to criticism. Mental rigidity occurs. If something concerns their interests, their thoughts become flexible. If it doesn't concern their interests, they absolutely do not change. Because they are fed by praise, these individuals want their egos to be satisfied. A false environment forms around them. As a result of this narcissism, loneliness emerges.” he said.
“The mental walls between fear and trust are very thin and variable…”
Tarhan, speaking about the characteristics of individuals with narcissistic personality disorder, once again underlined that narcissism is the biggest reason for mental rigidity. Tarhan said; “Narcissistic individuals cannot empathize. They have feelings of resentment, anger, and jealousy. Their sense of entitlement is always directed towards themselves. Their true personalities emerge more clearly when they achieve their grand ideals. Narcissists have fears and achievements. For example, those who display courage are afraid but pretend not to be. There are people who whistle when passing a cemetery. Actually, they whistle to combat the fear within. People who act tough, saying ‘Don't hold me back!’ and display courage, are actually cowards. The mental walls between fear and trust are very thin and variable. They are assertive to show themselves off. When they are not intelligent or talented, their reasons for living disappear, and they end their lives.” he stated.
“They change if they don't want to lose you”
Tarhan, explaining how to act when encountering a narcissist, said; “There are 2 important things that will provide their motivation to change. First, they feel that the loss of something they value is very close. Second, they believe that you are serious. If they believe this, narcissists will see that the matter is serious, that you are determined, then they will change if they don't want to lose you. If they want to lose you, they will abandon you anyway. In this case, you would actually be rid of them. In such situations, one should rejoice, not grieve. To prevent narcissism, think critically and know your own purpose.” he said.
“The social media generation is at risk”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, discussing the differences between X, Y, and Z generations, said; “In Generation X, contact with technology is less, in Generation Z, it's more. Organizational loyalty, self-confidence, comfort-seeking, individuality, tendency to take the easy way out, authority, and obedience are high in Generation X. Generation X is the radio generation, Generation Y is the television generation, Generation Z is the social media generation. The social media generation is much more influenced. Therefore, the social media generation is at risk. Social media usage is high, multi-tasking is higher, liking to work is less, compliance with social norms is less, friendship bonds are less because impulse control is less. Under the influence of popular culture, family values are weakened, impatience and haste are higher, individualism is higher, they are very successful at self-expression – this comes out high. Consumerism is high, the emotional-logical intelligence gap is high, social responsibility is low, internal responsibility is low.” he stated.
“We need to conceptualize emotions”
Tarhan, stating that the wheel of emotions describes human emotions, said; “Terror, admiration, ecstasy, caution, hatred… These begin as follows: Caution, anger starts to become discomfort. What is the emotion of caution? Expectation and interest. This quartet has character strengths. It is also widely used in values education. There, 24 values are considered as 6 virtues. Here, this works together with emotions...
For example, astonishment; causes surprise, distraction. Terror; causes fear, anxiety. Emotion actually reveals the mental state as well. Admiration; creates trust and approval. Ecstasy; creates joy. Caution; creates expectation and interest. Wrath, anger; creates discomfort, disgust, boredom. Grief; creates sadness, absentmindedness. Astonishment, surprise create distraction. Here, there are outwardly expressed behaviors such as disappointment, regret, contempt, and aggressiveness. Arousal is also a more general concept... It is referred to as an umbrella term. For this reason, we need to conceptualize emotions in some way. When we conceptualize them, we understand; when we understand, uncertainty disappears; when uncertainty disappears, we can manage them. To manage emotions, we need to conceptualize them. We need to eliminate uncertainty. If we cannot measure a person, we cannot manage them. If we are to manage emotions, we need to measure them.” he stated.